Yes, as Bruce Buffer says…
IT’S TIME! Oh, it’s time to bring you another amazing episode of WWE Main Event on ion Television!
We join Michael Cole and The Miz, who both put over Dolph Ziggler and Ryback for tonight’s main event. Michael Cole introduces us to the Ryback video package.
The video package is simply a montage of Ryback wrecking shop like a BAHWS. Feed him Punk. Just do it.
The Miz puts over Ryback as an emotionless machine who will just ragdoll you. Cole then introduces the Dolph Ziggler video package.
“Whether you like me, or hate me, you wish you were me.” Will Sasso compares Dolph to HBK. This video package highlights Dolph’s greatest moments.
Matt Striker interviews the Ryback. Ryback just says (in my own words): “Ziggler’s getting wrecked, son.” IT’S FEEDING TIMES.
Dolph Ziggler and Josh Mathews are in the locker room, and Dolph is understandably worried. He kicks Mathews out of the locker room.
IT’S THE TIME FOR THE FEEDINGS!
The Number One Contender for the WWE Championship, Ryback vs. “The Showoff” Dolph ‘Mr. Money in The Bank’ Ziggler
Lilian Garcia gives us the big fight introductions, and boy is Ryback over. Like…John Cena over.
Ziggler tries to run away, and Ryback is like: “Nope! Get back in here, son.” Ryback throws him in the corner. Dolph escapes again, and Ryback tosses him back into the ring. Dolph is trying to survive, and Ryback tosses Ziggler into the barricade like a baseball bat. Ryback tosses Ziggler into the ring, and goes for an Oklahoma Slam, but Ziggles runs back stage. We go to commercial.
We come back to Ryback carrying Ziggler back into the arena, and Ryback throws him into the ring. Ziggler tries to hit two clotheslines to no effect, and Ryback gorilla presses Ziggler’s third attempt. He then places Dolph in a bearhug, which Ziggler manages to get out of. He then sidesteps a Ryback shoulder charge, and comes back with a polish hammer and a couple dropkicks, but Ryback levels him with a powerbomb counter. Ziggler becomes the victim of a Meathook clothesline and guess what’s next. SHELL SHOCK! Ziggler goes down for the 3 count.
Final Move: Shell Shocked
After the Commercial Break:
– Paul Heyman speaks
– Sin Cara vs. Alberto Del Rio
AJ resigns, John Cena gets accused, Vickie Guerrero is the Managing Supervisor of Raw.
John Cena, Ph.D, Thuganomics will face the WWE Universe on the Hell in A Cell preshow to talk a little about the AJ Scandal.
We get to see Punk get bodied by Ryback on Raw. And I mean BODIED. DOWN GOES PUNK! DOWN GOES PUNK!
Michael Cole and The Miz are in the ring, speaking to Paul Heyman.
Heyman’s Notes (mostly paraphrased)
– Ziggler isn’t in the same league as Punk.
– Miz took his beating like a man.
– Ziggler’s beating doesn’t have anything to do with Hell in A Cell.
– Ryback is dumb. (No seriously, he’s like…Ryback has only one of Kurt Angle’s Three I’s. Intensity.)
– CM Punk is the Best In The World.
Sin Cara vs. Alberto Del Rio w/Ricardo Rodriguez
Tie up in the corner, and Del Rio stomps a mudhole in Sin Cara. Del Rio hits a suplex, and pins Del Rio for one. Del Rio hits a few kicks, and Sin Cara comes back with a flurry of offense, but Del Rio counters the springboard elbow, and sends Sin Cara into the ring post. Del Rio pins, and grabs only a two count. Sin Cara gets locked in a keylock, but Sin Cara fights back, and rolls up Del Rio for a 2 count. Sin Cara hits the ropes, but gets a tilt-a-whirl back breaker for his efforts, and Del Rio gets a 2 count. Sin Cara tries to go for a springboard move, but Del Rio pushes him to the outside.
Del Rio has Sin Cara in a facelock, while trying to take his mask off. Sin Cara fights back, and hits a Sunset Flip for a quick 2 count. Del Rio charges at Sin Cara in the corner, but Cara sidesteps, and Del Rio gets sent into the ring post. Sin Cara hits a hurricanrana and a springboard elbow, and a reverse neckbreaker for only a count of 2. Sin Cara is trying to make things live, and Del Rio gets a kick to his face. Sin Cara tries for the Swanton, but Del Rio gets the elbows up, and locks in the Cross Arm Breaker for the win.
Winner: Alberto Del Rio
Final Move: Cross Arm Breaker
Del Rio reminds Randy that he’s gonna expose him as a little crying girl. He then mocks the Primetime Players.
“No Days Off” D-Young and Titus O’Neil come out and check Del Rio. Del Rio tries a little misdirection to take the heat off of himself. Del Rio and the Primetime Players attack Sin Cara. Randy Orton then saves Sin Cara, Del Rio runs away and RKOs FOR EVERYONE!
Randy’s looking forward to Sunday. And we get a little 6 man main event for next week on Main Event! Trick or Treat!
Next Week on WWE Main Event:
Randy Orton & Sin Mysterio vs. Alberto Del Rio and The Primetime Players in a 6 man tag.
– I apologize for last week. Midterm season.
– I apologize for the late recap this week. Work related.
– I love the superstar highlight packages. They’re NFL Films quality, and they do just enough to hype you. “Call Me Blanka/I’m a Beast…” Best lyrics ever.
– Ryback’s match was just a glorified squash match, but it does put doubt into the minds of CM Punk fans. Watch out for this guy.
– Man, John Cena…first Eve, now AJ? I know it’s all a Vickie revenge plot (and Hunter’s fantasy feud, mine too,) but DAYUMN. At least AJ’s cute…in a nerdy, I play Super Street Fighter IV competitively kind of way.
– Paul Heyman time. Simple, effective, and to the point, with a tinge of politico mixed in.
– Sin Cara and Del Rio were really excellent together, Josh Boutwell would love this match, it was your typical technico v. rudo match.
– Feigning the Primetime Players as faces? NEVER AGAIN. I love D-Young as a heel. And I don’t like many heels. (I am a huge John Cena, Zack Ryder and Santino fan after all.)
– Is it just me, or does Randy Orton look YOUNGER? Last I checked, this was 2012, I’m 24 years old, and Randy looks like he did when I was 16…
– Millions of Dollars, y’all.
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Add ‘Young Navigator’ to Xbox Live. I’m currently playing Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 extensively (working on my Phoenix Wright/Deadpool/Doom team.) I’ll be playing WWE ’13 day one. Feel free to join me.
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Anyways…I’m off to school. Education is quite important to me. Holla.