Are you ready? Then stop questioning your heart and join me, because it is time for Monday Night RAW!
The show kicks off with Edge beating the living hell out of Evan Bourne in the ring. We are told by the commentators that Edge came out to address the crowd before the show started, and Evan Bourne decided to crash his party, and demanded a match. Before a match could be sanctioned, the two competitors tore at each other. Evan somehow grabs the upper hand and sets Edge up for the Shooting Star Press. Edge moves out of the way, and then connects with a spear!
Edge gets back to his feet and grabs a microphone. He puts himself over, as well as running down his competitors for the Fatal Four Way PPV (F4W). Randy Orton has just about as much as he can take, and makes his way out to the ring. Edge says that there is no way Randy can win the match, because he is not one hundred percent. Orton leaps and connects with a RKO! Randy heads to the turnbuckle and poses for the crowd.
In the back, Ashton Kutcher is on a laptop, using Twitter and is upset because Zack Ryder is talking trash to him on the social media site. Eve Torres walks into the shot and asks him what’s up. Ashton says that he is in a new movie called “Killers”. Ashton says that he learned a thing or two from the movie because he plays a hit man. So tonight he is putting a hit on Zack Ryder! Anyone can cash it in.
Miz decides to come into the office, and asks what Kutcher wanted to talk to him about. He figures it is probably because he wants to add star power to his career. Ashton says that actually, it is because Miz has a match tonight. It is with a superstar that RAW has a one night contract for… Daniel Bryan!!! Ashton and Miz spar back and forth a bit, before Miz finally walks away disgusted. After Miz leaves, Ashton tells Eve that he could definitely take him.
Justin Roberts is in the ring and introduces the NEW US Champion, R-Truth! He comes out to perform his rap and amp up the crowd. Jericho’s music hits, and this match is up next.
R-Truth v. Chris Jericho
This is a non-Title matchup. The match gets off to a quick start with both competitors exchanging blows. R-Truth throws Jericho to the outside, and then leaps out over the top rope with a crossbody.
We come back and Jericho has the upper hand and goes for the pin. R-Truth kicks out. Jericho grabs Truth and bashes his head onto the top turnbuckle. Jericho pulls him into the ring and hits a vertical suplex. Jericho has a giant smile on his face. He taunts the crowd by implying this match is not even a contest for him. Jericho gets Truth to his feet, and sends him into the ropes. R-Truth flies back and hits with a shoulder block. R-Truth runs at him again and connects with a great tilt-a-whirl hurricarana. R goes for the pin, but Jericho kicks out.
Chris gets back to his feet and slams Truth down to the ground. He heads to the side of the ring and leaps for the lionsault. Truth moves out of the way. Truth goes for the Lie detector, but instead Jericho counters into an attempted Walls of Jericho. Truth manages to throw Jericho off and over to the side of the ring. Truth grabs him and hits a face buster. Jericho kicks out.
Both men are back to their feet and Jericho connects with a huge clothesline. Truth kicks out. Jericho goes for a slam, but Truth connects with a slap. He goes after Jericho to try and hit a spin kick, but Chris reverses and locks in the Walls of Jericho! R-Truth has just enough in him to roll through and counter into a roll-up! Truth gets the win!
Winner via Roll-Up: R-Truth
In the back, Zack Ryder and Alicia Fox are in the General Manager’s office. He accuses Bret of being hired by Kutcher for the hit. After all, he is the “Hitman”. Ryder doesn’t get an answer as Bret says he has to take care of more important things.
The Hart Dynasty comes into his office. They greet him with hugs and smiles. They ask him about the three people that attacked them last week. Bret says that they are the Usos, and were actually signed by him to RAW. Bret says that the Hart Dynasty needs to face some adversity. Just because they are family, he is not going to give them a break. He wishes the Dynasty good luck in figuring out how to deal with the faction.
Eve Torres & Santino Marella v. Maryse & William Regal w/ Vladimir Kozlov
Santino grabs the microphone before the match starts and tells the production team to cut off the Vader style music of William Regal. He then asks Kozlov why he bothers to follow around Regal. He tells Kozlov that if he agrees to join him in a tag team, Eve will make love to him! Even vehemently denies the claim, and Santino corrects himself saying that Eve would love if they were tag team partners.
The match kicks off with the divas in the ring. They fly back and forth without really connecting with any moves, before tagging in their partners. Regal brushes off a couple of dance moves from Santino, and then backs him into the corner. He whips him hard into the other corner, and then connects with a clothesline. Regal connects with a butterfly suplex and then looks to lock on the Regal Stretch.
Eve comes into the ring to break up the hold. This brings in Maryse and all hell breaks loose. The referee is distracted as Kozlov runs into the ring. This isn’t good for Santino. WAIT – Kozlov grabs Regal and slams him down to the mat! Kozlov rolls out of the ring, and Santino is able to get the cover and the win!
Winners via Kozlov being super awesome and deciding to delight fans everywhere by teaming up with the WWE’s Cobra: Santino Marella & Eve Torres
A video package airs thanking those who have lost their lives serving this great country as it is Memorial Day in the United States.
Bret Hart makes his way down to the ring to make an announcement concerning next week’s RAW. Bret says that he got together with Smackdown’s General Manager Teddy Long to plan something special for next week. Bret says that all superstars from both brands are going to be in attendance. He announces that it is going to be a 3 hour special in order to fit everything in. Bret says that they are opening up some suggestions to the fans, so send them in! He also invites Superstars in the back to submit ideas. He promises that next week will be a RAW to remember.
Ted Dibiase Jr. ‘s music hits, and he makes his way down to the ring with Virgil. Ted says that he has a suggestion – make him General Manager for the night. He wants complete control. He offers to pay Bret and Teddy Long whatever it takes. Dibiase says that Bret is not too good to be bought. Ted references his father’s motto of “everyone has a price”. He says that Bret does as well. Dibiase states that he knows the reason Bret came back to the WWE, and was willing to take this job as GM. He says it is because Bret needs money. Ted tells him to name his price.
Before Bret responds, Ashton Kutcher appears on the Titantron. He suggests that instead, they make next week a Viewer’s Choice week! He says open everything up to the fans to decide. They can pick all the matches, opponents, stipulations, and everything else. Bret agrees and says that next week it will indeed be a Viewer’s Choice night!
A theme starts to blast through the arena and it is — No Chance in Hell! Vince McMahon is back! Dibiase clears the ring, and it is just Hart and McMahon in the ring. Vince seems exceptionally jovial tonight. McMahon says that he feels better than ever. McMahon asks if Bret got all of his frustrations out. Bret says, “most of it”. The crowd starts a “you tapped out” chant.
McMahon says he must have gotten it out, because when the spot for General Manager opened up, Bret jumped at the chance. McMahon says that many people asked why he would ever allow Bret to have the position. Vince says that he does like the idea for a Viewer’s Choice week. He lets Bret know that not all of the decisions he will have to make will be easy. Vince says that Bret needs to treat the WWE audience as children. They can’t make the right decisions for themselves, so Bret needs to make the right decisions for them all.
Vince says that he came out tonight simply to wish Bret good luck. Hart says he doesn’t quite believe him. Vince says that he knows he wants to though. McMahon puts over the story of Bret’s return, and wishes him good luck and says he hopes that the story of Bret as GM has a happy ending…
Vince dances around a bit as his music plays and then heads to the back.
In the back, Zack Ryder is questioning Randy Orton to see whether or not RKO is the one Ashton paid to take him out. Orton says that if he was, they wouldn’t even be having this conversation. Zack walks off. The door slams up against Randy’s shoulder, and Edge walks over him with a smirk on his face.
Daniel Bryan v. The Miz
Before the match, a video package airs highlighting the happenings of NXT last week which involved Daniel Bryan, Michael Cole, and The Miz.
The match starts with Daniel coming off strong. He connects with a series of kicks and then several punches. Bryan locks on a submission hold, but the referee has to pull him off because of a rope break. Bryan runs toward to the Miz, but hits the turnbuckle instead. Miz takes advantage of the moment by throwing Bryan to the ground and then stomping on his head. Bryan is in the corner, and Miz connects with a splash.
The Miz heads to the top turnbuckle, and connects with a double axe handle slam. Michael Cole is just berating Bryan on commentary. Miz gets a bit cocky, and knocks Bryan to the mat. Daniel slides around Miz and connects with a submission hold. Miz is on the verge of tapping, but instead Miz turns it into a roll up. Bryan reverses this, and he rolls up Miz and gets the pin!
Winner via being more awesome than the Miz: Daniel Bryan
After the match, Miz runs up behind Bryan for a cheap shot and throws him out of the ring. He takes Daniel after to the commentator’s booth demanding that he apologize to Cole. Instead, Bryan is able to reverse. He grabs Miz and throws him over the table right into Michael Cole! The crowd is going wild as Daniel Bryan heads back up the entrance ramp!
RAW returns with Lawler telling Cole that he needs to get his headset back on because they are on air. Cole complains about being assaulted yet again.
In the ring, the Usos cut a promo. They introduce themselves to the crowd. It takes all of thirty seconds before the crowd starts a “you suck” chant. They say that they knew they could make a name for themselves by attacking the Hart Dynasty. They put over their wrestling heritage (The guys are the twin sons of Rikishi), but say they aren’t stereotypical Samoans. Instead, they know about fashion, take “our” scholarships, and go to “our” law schools. Tamina (that’s the chick) grabs the mic and says that they understand where the Dynasty is coming from. She says that the difference is, that their families didn’t get the same respect. For instance, she cites her father Jimmy Snuka being put in the corner at the first Wrestlemania, despite having much to offer. She says that they were born for one reason, all three say, “to dominate”.
The screech of a guitar hits the airwaves, and it is the Hart Dynasty coming down to the ring to get payback for last week. At first they seem to pull it off, but Tamina trips up Tyson during a Hart Attack Attempt. They lay out all three members of the Dynasty and take to their corners once again. All three leap up into the air and connect with frog splashes.
Zack Ryder makes his way out to the ring and grabs a mic. He complains about Ashton putting the hit out on him. He says that he isn’t waiting to get jumped. Instead, he says that Alicia had a great idea, and so he is demanding to know who Ashton selected to perform the hit.
Ashton appears on the big screen and says fine, if you want to know, I’ll tell you. Jerry Lawler makes his way up the ring steps with a steel chair in hand. It looks like he may be going after him, but instead sets the chair up and takes a seat. Kutcher says it isn’t Lawler. The Great Khali’s music hits. He makes his way down to the ring, but Ashton says that it isn’t Khali either. Goldust’s music hits and he appears, but Kutcher says it isn’t him either.
Zack says that he can’t take it anymore! He apologizes for the comments he made to Ashton. Kutcher say even if he really wants to know, he won’t tell. Just like in his movie, Zack will never see it coming. Alicia takes the mic and says that she is tired of this game. She goes to hand the mic back to Ryder, but it drops to the mat. When Ryder bends over to pick it up, she hits him with a scissor kick! Ashton applauds her for a job well done. He tells Zack that is what he gets for insulting him. He closes with Ryder’s catchphrase, “woo woo woo, you know it”.
In the back, Sheamus and Edge caution each other about any funny business in their match against Cena tonight.
Edge & Sheamus v. John Cena & ??
John Cena comes out and announces his tag team opponent for this match tonight… Evan Bourne! Wow.
The match starts off with Edge and Cena in the ring. The exchange a couple of blows, and then Cena grabs the arm of Edge. He tags in Bourne who comes in by leaping into the air and stomping on Edge’s arm. He grabs the arm and creatively twists his body to lock on an arm bar. Edge escapes, but his reprieve is short lived. Bourne connects with a running hurricarana followed by a spin kick which sends Edge to the outside of the ring.
The match continues with Cena and Sheamus in the ring. Cena heads to his corner and tags in Bourne. This time, the momentum is not on the little guy’s side as he gets slammed down hard by Sheamus. Edge gets the tag. He sets Bourne up on the apron, and then falls on him crushing his back against the edge of the apron. Sheamus is tagged once again.
Sheamus is looking for a huge suplex, but Bourne moves forward in an attempt to tag in Cena. He makes it within a foot, but gets thrown like a rag doll across the ring. Sheamus tags in Edge. With a kick to the gut, Edge continues his control. He grabs the arm of Bourne and whips him with all of his strength into the corner. Edge goes for the cover, but Evan kicks out.
Edge picks up Bourne, but Evan counters and runs into the ropes. Edge immediately kicks him in the face with a big boot. Edge goes for a cover, but Bourne kicks out. Edge locks on a rear headlock in the center of the ring. The crowd is going wild for the high flyer as he attempts to get back to his feet. He finally does, and connects with a huge kick to the head of Edge. The crowd is erupting, it is up to Bourne to make it to the corner to tag in Cena. Bourne is crawling… and YES! Here they come.
Cena and Sheamus are both thrown into the middle of the ring. Cena connects with a side slam and then sets up for the 5 Knuckle Shuffle. Cena connects and looks to go for the Attitude Adjustment. Sheamus manages to counter and connects with a simple slam. Bourne saves the day by kicking Sheamus from the apron right in the face! This allows Cena to hit the Attitude Adjustment! Edge comes running across the ring looking for a spear, but Cena moves out of the way which sends Edge shoulder first into the steel post. Cena tags in Bourne. He takes to the top turnbuckle, and takes flight! Shooting Star Press! Bourne covers for the win. RAW just ended with a Shooting Star Press!!
Winners via Shooting Star Press: John Cena & Evan Bourne
Yo! RAW started with an awesome Russo style opening. I have no idea why Evan Bourne got it into his head that he could take on Edge, but credit to the little guy for trying. He held his own for a bit, but the end was already written before he even hit the entrance ramp. I have to say that I am surprised that Orton is being pushed as hard as he is for the Fatal Four Way PPV, considering the fact that he is legitimately injured. They are really hoping he will be good to go, so only time will tell.
I’ll be the first to admit that when I heard Ashton Kutcher was the host of RAW, I was a bit skeptical. After all, what could the guy most known for “punking” celebrities and being involved with Demi Moore possibly bring to the table? The answer is simple, the guy is just a talented actor. At least in this particular context. He is actually very similar to the way Jeremy Piven came off. I know that the cool thing to do was to bash Piven’s guest host night, but go back and watch the backstage segments. Yes, the in-ring opening was a nightmare, but he was on his A-game for the backstage segments. Kutcher pulled his first one with the Miz and Eve off with the same skill and acting talent that Piven produced. The first twenty minutes of RAW really got me pumped for the rest of the night.
This pretty much goes without saying, but Jericho and R-Truth had a fantastic match. I don’t know if I have ever seen the Walls of Jericho countered exactly the way they pulled off tonight. It never ceases to amaze me how many variations wrestlers are able to come up with even after years in the business. I’m a bit lost as to where they are headed with the Chris Jericho character over the next couple of months. I have no doubt that he will do an unbelievably great job, so I wait with bated breath for the direction that creative heads.
Bret Hart looked better tonight than he has in this entire return run to the WWE. It’s weird, but that pony tail really does wonders for his look.
Thanks to all the readers that sent me the names of those who were revealed tonight as the Usos! I really appreciate it.
If I’m being honest, I have to say that the feud between Eve and Maryse is the first one in a long time that I have actually been interested in watching. To be blunt, they are both gorgeous and really talented. By throwing in some quirky gimmicks and keeping the tension strong, the WWE has done a solid job of continuing this storyline.
Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov together is pretty much the best thing ever. I just hope this is not like over on ECW where Kozlov and crew seemed to turn on and then back to each other on a weekly basis. This is RAW, so I’m hoping that the WWE is smart and gives these two some great material.
So next week is going to be a three hour RAW with the show opened up to the fans discretion. This “Viewer’s Choice” seems like a creative concept, so I can’t wait for the voting to open. From the description, it seems like it will be in the same vein as Cyber Sunday. Having both rosters present should allow us to vote for some dream matches. In theory it sounds like a great idea, let’s see what happens.
The return of Mr. McMahon was huge. This was the first time we have seen him since Wrestlemania, and the crowd appreciated the appearance. To be logical, it was necessary considering the fact that Bret became the General Manager. It was a pretty straightforward segment, but laid a nice foundation with a hint of trickery.
Daniel Bryan! Need I say more? The WWE has been flat out brilliant in booking this guy. They made his fans suffer for months as he was essentially buried, but now he is on an unstoppable path and making great things happen. I am literally savoring every second the guy is in the ring. His mic skills are better than they ever have been, he looks great, and the fans are crazy into him. Just an amazingly well done job by WWE creative.
Well, the Usos definitely got a decent amount of heat, but that was kind of a weird promo. I’m pretty sure I was supposed to boo them for supposedly taking scholarship opportunities away from Americans. That’s a new heel tactic by me, but hey, whatever works. They are being strongly established as credible opponents against The Hart Dynasty. I haven’t seen their in-ring work yet, so I’m very curious.
The Ryder & Ashton segment was pretty solid. Well, except for one thing. Why does Alicia Fox have a job? Seriously, why is she employed by the WWE? She has no build whatsoever, can’t wrestle on a high caliber level and is pretty terrible on the mic. Oh, and for the record, I’m being nice here in my descriptions of grievances I have with her character. To top it off, she’s not even that great to look at. I’m a Zack Ryder fan, so the best part of this entire segment for me was seeing that I no longer have to put up with her during his screen time. Good riddance.
What a main event! The crowd was hot tonight, so credit to all of the fans in attendance to their great work. It was an Attitude Era level of crowd reaction. The match was just perfect in nearly every detail. I’m still in a bit of shock that Evan Bourne went over to end RAW. Literally, the focal point of RAW when it went off the air, was Bourne high in the air connecting with his beautiful Shooting Star Press. If you had even suggested something like that to me in the past, I would have laughed. Yet, tonight it happened!
This RAW pretty much puts to rest any of those accusations that the WWE is not willing to push its younger and smaller stars. Evan Bourne & Daniel Bryan proved that tonight. Speaking of which, I think it is amazing that those two were able to steal the show tonight. Seeing the two getting this kind of exposure is fantastic. Ring of Honor has produced some great stars over the years, and these two are no exception. I’m pumped up! I can’t wait to see what happens next week. As a wrestling fan, I was thoroughly entertained by tonight’s RAW. I hope you were as well.
Send me some e-mails, and have a safe week everyone!
So that’s RAW…. Love it? Hate it? Disagree with everything I said? Just want to chat wrestling? I’m always up for reading your thoughts and do my absolute best to reply to every message I get. Send them over to me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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