Is hearing Hornswoggle on commentary on your bucket list? Then stop questioning your heart and join me because it is time for Monday Night RAW!!!
Teddy Long is in the ring to start the show. The Smackdown General Manager is here to gloat about the fact that last year Smackdown won at Bragging Rights. The trophy is brought out and set at a table by ringside. The RAW General Manager has an announcement, and warns that Long must get out of the ring, or else. Teddy refuses, and instead heads over to the GM podium and moves Cole out of the way. Long says that the Smackdown General manager has an announcement to make, the RAW general manager is being disconnected!
Long unplugs the laptop, and then introduces Team Smackdown: Captain The Big Show, Edge, Alberto Del Rio, Jack Swagger, Tyler Reks, Kofi Kingston & Rey Mysterio. Miz’s music hits and he makes his way out to the entrance ramp with Alex Riley. Miz says it is time to introduce Team RAW: CM Punk, Sheamus, John Morrison, Ezekiel Jackson, Santino Marella & R-Truth.
A brawl breaks out in the ring with both teams. Smackdown is able to kick RAW out of the ring, causing them to regroup outside. Big Show says that this is RAW, so the Smackdown stars will get out of their way – providing that Miz faces him in action tonight! Miz agrees.
Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre v. The Hart Dynasty
Rhodes and Tyson start things off in the middle of the ring. Rhodes hits a snapmare and tags in McIntyre. Drew takes Tyson out of the ring, and swings him into the barricade. Drew brings Tyson back into the ring and holds him with his legs over the top rope. Cody gets the tag and kicks him high into the elevated gut. Drew gets the tag again.
Drew tries for a back body drop, but Tyson lands on his feet! Drew tries to keep him from reaching the corner, but David gets the tag. Smith hits Drew with a big boot, and then follows up with one to Cody on the apron. Smith hits a leg drop and goes for the cover, Drew kicks out. Smith follows up with a running scoop slam, but Drew kicks out of the cover. Smith lifts Drew into the air to set up for the Hart Attack. Instead, Smith decides that he wants to go for the Sharpshooter. This causes an argument between Tyson and Smith. Drew uses the distraction to hit the Future Shock DDT and this match is over.
Winners via Future Shock DDT: Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre
After the match, Tyson and David continue to argue with Natalya trying to play peace keeper.
In the back, Randy Orton is with John Cena. He tells Cena that while he knows Cena doesn’t like being in Nexus, if Cena gets involved he will have no problem kicking his skull in. Cena tells Orton that if he even raises his leg, he’ll break it off.
A video package airs for R-Truth, in which they show the lyrics to his new theme
Goldust w/ Oksana v. Zack Ryder
Ted Dibiase & Maryse hit the entrance ramp to watch the match.
Ryder takes it right to Goldust with a couple of kicks. Goldust is backed into the corner, but bounces right back out. Goldust hits the Final Cut, and this match is over.
Winner via Final Cut: Goldust
After the match, Maryse and Dibiase hit the ring. Dibiase attacks Goldust, and Maryse tries to go for the Million Dollar Belt. Oksana flees to the back with the belt. Meanwhile in the ring, Goldust counters Dibiase’s attack and hits another Final Cut!
In the Nexus locker room, Wade is talking to Cena. He tells him to just do his thing tonight and watch out for the Nexus, also please fetch him a glass of water.
In the back, Big Show’s co-star from Knucklehead is playing Smackdown v. RAW 2011. He is playing as the Big Show v. Miz in a prelude for tonight’s match. In a side note, I have been playing career mode in Smackdown v. RAW 2009 as Paul London and destroying everyone in my path. I miss Paul London.
Meanwhile in the Nexus locker room, Cena has returned with the glass of water. Wade takes it and begins to drink noting how easy a task it was. Wade then throws the glass of water into Cena’s face. Nexus laughs….
Randy Orton & Cena v. Michael McGillicutty & Husky Harris
If McGillicutty & Harris win, they become members of Nexus
Cena and McGillicutty start things off. Cena whips him hard into the corner, and then hits a very strong Fisherman Suplex. Michael rolls out of the ring as we head to commercial.
Michael goes for a cover on Cena, but Cena kicks out. Husky Harris is tagged into the ring, and begins to pummel Cena with a series of forearms. Harris charges into Cena, and then goes for a cover. Cena kicks out. Michael is tagged back into the ring. Michael jumps onto the second rope and hits a double axe handle. Husky gets the tag.
Harris keeps Cena from reaching his corner, and then takes him out with a high crossbody. Cover attempt, but Cena kicks out. Harris locks on a rear headlock. Husky bounces off the ropes and leaps for a splash, but Cena rolls out of the way.
Orton gets the hot tag. Michael gets the tag as well, but gets met with a snap scoop slam from Orton. Suspended DDT, and The Viper is stalking his victim. Harris runs into the ring to try and save his teammate. Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment on Harris, and Orton hits the RKO on McGillicutty. This match is over.
Winners via RKO: John Cena & Randy Orton
After the match, Cena celebrates with Orton. Wade has a microphone and orders Cena to leave the ring. Wade tells him to stand by the announce table, or else he will be fired. Wade tells Cena that he has the best seat in the house to witness the demise of the Viper. Nexus has encircled the ring, and Cena must watch the oncoming assault!
Orton is able to knock off Otunga and slides out of the ring. He pulls Wade with him, but it doesn’t matter because the numbers game is simply too much. Nexus rolls Orton back into the ring. Randy tries to fight back, but to no avail. Cena is forced to watch on. Nexus goes through their motions and hits their finishers. Cena has taken a seat next to the commentary booth, unable to help.
Orton is hit with the 450 splash, and is helpless in the middle of the ring. Wade calls Cena into the ring. He demands that Cena lift Orton into the air, and hit the Attitude Adjustment. With Orton on his shoulders, Barrett stops Cena. Wade says that he doesn’t want Cena stealing his spotlight, so hand over Orton! Cena hands Orton to Wade, and Wade hits the Wasteland! Cena leaves the ring and heads to the back.
Vickie Guerrero makes her way out to the entrance ramp, and introduces the Intercontinental Champion, Dolph Ziggler. He says that people confuse his confidence for cockiness. Ziggler says that he is gorgeous, but that’s not even the best part. Because the most beautiful woman walking the earth is with him. She makes his heart go pitter patter.
Daniel Bryan comes out on the entrance ramp and admits that he is not exactly into girls, (or at least he isn’t a ladies’ man) but says that even he could do better than Vickie. He may not have the great looks, but he has the ability to capitalize on any mistake in the ring. And the ability to make Dolph tap out! Bryan proposes US Champion v. IC Champion at Bragging Rights. Ziggler accepts. But, Ziggler asks, why wait until Sunday?
Ziggler takes off his belt and jacket. Bryan runs at him and spears him to the outside of the ring! Ziggler tries to break for the back, but Bryan catches him and locks on the LeBelle lock!
A slew of face divas make their way down to the ring. Gail Kim has a bucket, and attempts to throw its contents at Vickie. Instead, she basically just throws the entire bucket. One of the other divas picks it up and actually empties it onto Vickie, apparently it contained glitter. Vickie leaves the ring screaming.
Daniel comes back into the ring and looks rather bashful. He is really playing up the whole not a ladies’ man thing. There is music playing, and the divas begin to surround him. Daniel drops the belt, and starts to dance. Well, that’s not exactly the right way to put it. Let’s say that Daniel embarked on a footloose masterpiece which included flips and splits. A split which apparently hurt his groin a bit. Don’t worry, the divas were all there to help him up and make him feel better. I have to try that sometime.
Natalya v. Alicia Fox
Natalya backs Fox into the ropes, but gets caught with a strong slap. Fox follows with a kick to the face. Fox decides to shout out “Calgary”. Natalya throws Fox into the corner, and then follows with a beautiful back body throw. Natalya locks on the Sharpshooter, and this match is over.
Winner via Sharpshooter: Natalya
After the match, LayCool comes down the entrance ramp. They mock Natalya’s hometown of Calgary, where RAW is hosted tonight. They also make fun of Canada’s watered down beer, and say that the Hart’s shouldn’t be in the Hall of Fame. They should be in the loony bin. LayCool enters the ring and attack Natalya. Michelle locks on the Sharpshooter, and Layla takes a picture. Natalya is able to break free, and sends both members of LayCool out of the ring.
In the back, Teddy Long is talking with Big Show and Hornswoggle. ‘swoggle has on blue face paint and a Vikings helmet. I seriously love the guy. Josh Mathews comes up and asks Long about Bragging Rights. Long makes fun of Mathews for asking dumb questions. Long commands ‘swoggle to, “do what he does”. Hornie grabs a Smackdown flag and begins to walk with it. Almost the entire Smackdown roster follows after!
Long video airs highlighting the new Stand Up for the WWE campaign.
Join the Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/StandUpForWWE
For more information visit: http://www.wwe.com/inside/standupforwwe/
In the back, Wade Barrett tells Cena that he isn’t finished with him just yet…
Bobb’e J Thompson is introduced by Justin Roberts. Apparently he is tonight’s guest star, not just a video game player. He introduces the Big Show. Big Show comes out with the Smackdown locker room.
The Miz’s music hits, and he comes down with Team RAW & the rest of the locker room!
Captain v. Captain Match
The Miz v. The Big Show
The match starts with Miz trying to escape Big Show. Show rips open Miz’s shirt, and chops him across the chest. Show follows up with another. Show whips Miz hard into the corner, but Miz counters a splash. Show catches Miz by the throat, and throws him out of the ring. Big Show rolls out of the ring after, and keeps Team RAW from coming to Miz’s assistance.
Long’s music hits, and he comes down to the entrance ramp. Long says that since the rosters are present, and Bragging Rights is only 6 days away, we are going to have a Smackdown v. RAW Battle Royal!
Smackdown v. RAW Battle Royal
Hornswoggle is at ringside, and accidentally hits Cole in the face with the Smackdown flag a couple of times. ‘swoggle then attacks Cole! Hornswoggle takes the headset and joins in on commentary!
THIS IS THE BEST RAW EVER!!!!
Forget the match, ‘swoggle is on commentary! Seriously, my life is now complete. There is crazy action going on in the ring, but more importantly, the best thing since Bobby Heenan is on the headset. Michael Cole is trying to get back to his seat, but Hornswoggle is fending him off with the Smackdown flag. Sorry, I try to leave my commentary out of the actual recap portion, but this is simply too amazing to let pass by.
With most of the wrestlers cleared from the ring, we are left with mostly the members of each Team for the PPV. Swagger is eliminated and drags Edge out of the ring. Despite being on the same team, Swagger locks on the ankle lock.
Kofi Kingston is eliminated
Rey Mysterio is eliminated
McIntyre & Rhodes are eliminated
Ezekiel Jackson, Daniel Bryan, Sheamus & The Big Show remain
The three RAW stars try to attack Show, but Bryan gets thrown out of the ring. Sheamus and Jackson hit a tandem suplex on the Big Show! Sheamus whips Big Zeke into Show. Zeke is eliminated by Show.
The Miz runs into the ring and tries to eliminate Big Show. It doesn’t quite work out. Edge runs into the ring, and spears Sheamus! Edge was never actually eliminated because he went under the rope. Sheamus is eliminated and Smackdown wins the Battle Royal.
Hornswoggle grabs the Smackdown flag to help Show celebrate the victory.
In the back, Wade is with Nexus and Cena. He makes Cena demonstrate what will happen when Wade wins the match. He demands that Cena raise his hand. Cena sheepishly complies, and then walks out of the locker room.
Raw had a very awkward start tonight. I know what they were trying to do, but it just didn’t feel right. Teddy Long just seemed like he was constantly out of place, with no idea how to say what he was supposed to say.
I can’t believe there is already another PPV. I think the WWE is trying to bankrupt me.
Showing the lyrics for R-Truth’s theme doesn’t make it any better.
Oksana is just a bootleg version of Maryse
It must suck to be the RAW mystery GM, he gets no respect, and apparently Teddy Long can just unplug his computer and take over RAW without a fight
Wade throwing a glass of water into Cena was pretty lame, that wasn’t even funny in second grade
Wouldn’t it be trippy if the WWE substituted an entire Smackdown v. RAW video match for a real one?
I have to give a lot of credit to the WWE for the Wade/Cena/Orton segment. It was absolute perfection tonight. There were a lot of weird little things going on which were driving me crazy about tonight’s show, but this segment was handled without flaw.
The Daniel Bryan dance segment was either awesome or horrendous, I honestly can’t decide. I’m leaning towards amazing.
Natalya squashed Alicia Fox already, so why did I have to watch Alicia Botch wrestle her again?
Layla taking a picture of Natalya in the Sharpshooter was kinda funny.
Hornswoggle! Man I miss him! Tonight I got to see the two greatest things I’ve lost from this show, but Hornswoggle and Kelly Kelly.
I really like the Stand Up for the WWE campaign. Regardless of your politics, it is far too often that we must listen to the WWE referred to as shenanigans, or endure relentless attacks from those who don’t actually understand the product.
I like the concept of Bragging Rights, but sometimes I feel like they use the same script every year to build up the show, just changing the wrestlers.
Hornswoggle on commentary is the absolute best thing to ever happen on RAW, bar none. Please let this happen every single week forever!
Well, that’s it for this week I suppose. Go Team RAW!
I do read every single e-mail you guys send, and really appreciate hearing your thoughts. Send me some e-mails, and have a safe week everyone!
So that’s RAW…. Love it? Hate it? Disagree with everything I said? Just want to chat wrestling? I’m always up for reading your thoughts and do my absolute best to reply to every message I get. Send them over to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. (there were a lot of great ones that I didn’t get a chance to respond to this past week, and I hope to reply to them this week so sorry if you were one of them!)
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