Are you ready? Then stop questioning your heart and join me because it is time for Monday Night RAW!!!
John Cena’s music hits and he welcomes us to the Alamo to kick off RAW! Before he can speak, Alex Riley appears on the ramp and interrupts. He shows a video package of all of the destruction Miz has smacked on Cena over the years. Riley introduces the most “must see Champion in WWE history”. Riley and Miz make their way down to the ring. Riley acts as hype man to put over his mentor, and takes a cheap shot at the San Antonio Spurs. He promises that The Miz will never, ever, utter the words “I Quit”.
Cena calls Riley as stupid and begins to rant. Cena counters Riley’s promise with a list of things The Miz would never say no to, like tickets to see the Jonas Brothers, but “I Quit” is not one of those things.
and I quote…
Since John Cena made the stipulation for Over the Limit, The Miz and Alex Riley may choose the opponent and stipulation for Cena to face tonight, providing they do not interfere.
The Miz has not yet decided on Cena’s opponent, but promises that the match will be, “awesome”.
CM Punk v. Kofi Kingston
Kofi bounces over Punk to start, and Punk slides to the outside. The New Nexus tries to walk down to the ring, but Punk cautions them to stay back. Kingston baseball kicks Punk and slides him back into the ring. Cover attempt, but Punk kicks out. Kingston gets caught with a kick and a cover attempt, but kicks out. Punk unloads with a slew of punches and tries for another cover. Kingston kicks out, only to be caught in a side headlock. Snapmare takedown from Punk and another quick cover. Kofi kicks out. Punk begins to scale the turnbuckle, but Kofi leaps into the air and kicks Punk in the skull! Kofi climbs the turnbuckle himself and leaps for a HUGE crossbody. Cover attempt, but Punk kicks out.
Kofi hits a running crossbody and sets up for the Boom Drop. The move connects, but Punk counters the follow up Trouble in Paradise by setting up for the GTS. Kofi squirrels free, but gets thrown into the corner. Punk lifts him back up onto his shoulders, and hits the GTS! This match is over.
Winner via GTS: CM Punk
After the match, Punk heads up the ramp to join up with the rest of the New Nexus. He takes a seat and addresses the rumors that the Nexus is no longer formidable. He claims that there will be no more Mr. Nice Punk. He is not going to rest until each member is one of the most dominant forces in the history of the company.
In the back, The Miz is talking to Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero. Will he choose Dolph to face Cena tonight?
Tonight: Contract Signing between Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler
Kelly Kelly v. Brie Bella w/ Nikki
Kelly gets met with a kick in the gut, and then is thrown into the ropes. Nikki gets in a cheap shot, and Brie goes for the cover. Kelly kicks out. Brie locks on a rear headlock, and then lifts Kelly to the mat and throws her down. Kelly ducks a clotheslines and hits a tilt-a-whirl head takedown. Cartwheel elbow followed by a monkey flip from Kelly. Cover attempt, but Brie kicks out. Kelly hits a quick roll up, and picks up the win! This match is over.
Winner via Roll Up: Kelly Kelly
After the match, The Bellas attack Kelly Kelly. Kharma’s music hits, and apparently she is not okay with the dear Kelly Kelly being attacked.
One of the Bellas clears the ring, leaving the other to meet the wrath of Kharma. An Implant Buster makes clean work of the remaining Bella. Kharma heads over to the corner where Kelly is hiding. She lifts her to her feet, and then flicks her in between the eyes. Kharma laughs, and then exits the ring.
Miz is in the back talking with Big Show. Will he be Miz’s choice?
Rey Mysterio’s music hits, and he comes out to address the attack from R-Truth last week. He says that he understands the feeling of being passed over, but he wouldn’t blame other people for his own problems – and he certainly wouldn’t start flipping out the way Truth did. Instead, he would handle his business like a man. He calls out Truth, and tells him to come down to the ring.
Back from the break, Mysterio is still awaiting the arrival of R-Truth. Instead, Alberto Del Rio is introduced by Ricardo Rodriguez. He tells us his name is Alberto Del Rio, but we already know that. Rio says that Rey doesn’t deserve the same stage as him, because Rio is a true Mexican. He throws in some Spanish to drive his point home. Rey counters by proposing a match!
Alberto Del Rio v. Rey Mysterio
Rio starts the match strong on the attack as we head to commercial.
Del Rio has been working on the left shoulder of Rey during the break. Rey hits a nice elevated Momaku on Rio, but gets caught with a pin attempt. Rey kicks out. Rio kicks the back of Rey hard and goes for another cover. Rey kicks out. Rio takes Rey to the corner and continues to work the arm by pulling it against the ropes. Rio takes Rey to the middle of the mat and begins to yank at his mask. The referee pulls him off. Cover attempt, but Rey kicks out. Rio locks on a neat arm bar variant. Rey gets to his feet and converts a Momaku into an armdrag! Rey sends Rio into the ropes and then dodges a clothesline which sends Rio out of the ring.
R-Truth appears in a luxury box and yells for someone to call the cops, because Rey stole his spot. Rio tries for a cheap shot after the rant, but Rey moves out of the way and hits a springboard crossbody. Cover attempt, but Rio kicks out. Rey hits a tilt-a-whirl which sends Rio into the 619 position. Rey goes for his signature move, but Ricardo jumps on to the apron and takes one for the team! The referee calls for the DQ.
Winner via DQ: Rey Mysterio
After the match, Del Rio attacks Rey and hits an elbow drop from the top rope. When Rio is done with the beating, R-Truth runs into the ring and delivers one of his own. He then grabs a mic and continues to explain to Rey why he is a thief for stealing his spot at the PPV. Truth then takes the mic and brutally attacks the head of Rey.
Michael Cole, Jack Swagger and Jerry Lawler are in the ring for their contract signing. Cole wants the assurance that Lawler will hold up to his end of the bargain. Lawler confirms that he will forfeit his Hall of Fame ring and induct Cole if Cole wins. They both sign. Cole laughs and says that Lawler did not read the fine print of their contract. Their match is not just any ordinary match, it will be a kiss my feet match! Cole shows us a clip from 1995 at King of the Ring during which Hart forced Lawler to kiss his foot! Cole then puts his foot up on the table so that Lawler can see what he’ll be kissing.
Lawler reminds Cole that the clip we just saw involved Bret Hart. Cole is not Hart, he is not even Jack Swagger. Lawler says that he appreciates Swagger’s ability, even if Cole has turned him into a pathetic lackey. Cole says that Swagger wouldn’t have even been at ‘mania this year if not for him. Most people don’t even remember that Swagger used to be a World Champion. Swagger is not thrilled by this statement and wishes Cole good luck on Sunday as he heads to the back. Cole tries to convince Lawler that it was a joke, mainly because he doesn’t want to get beat up right here and now. Lawler pulls him down by the tie onto the table, and then lifts the entire table up into the air, flipping Lawler down to the mat.
Miz is in the back talking with Kane, but Kane walks away with Big Show.
This Sunday, Big Show & Kane will defend their Tag Team Titles against CM Punk and Mason Ryan!
Big Show & Kane v. David Otunga & Michael McGillicutty w/ CM Punk & Mason Ryan
Kane and Michael start the match. Uppercut, scoop slam, and kick to the face are the demons of Michael’s demise at the offset. Show gets the tag, and tries for a slam, but Michael moves out of the way and tags in Otunga. Show’s face meets Otunga’s foot, and there is a cover. Show kicks out, and Michael gets the tag. Michael works the leg and goes for the cover. Show kicks out. Otunga gets the tag and continues the leg work. Another tag. Michael kicks the leg and drops and elbow. Michael wrenches back on the ankle of Show as Punk cheers on. Show counters by lifting his healthy leg over Michael’s face. Otunga gets the tag, and goes right back to the leg. Show pushes him away and grabs Otunga’s neck. Otunga kicks free, and looks for a side headlock. Show counters into a side slam. Michael gets the tag, but Show fights him off. Kane finally gets the hot tag and decks Michael. He heads to the top rope, and connects with a flying clothesline. Otunga runs into the ring, but only receives a boot to his face for his troubles. Mason Ryan enters the ring, but Show takes care of the interference. Punk sees the distraction and kicks Kane in the back of the head. Michael goes for the cover, and this match is over!
Winner via Punk being a punk: Michael McGillicutty & David Otunga
Scott Stanford interviews Big Show and Kane about their loss tonight. Kane promises that there redemption will come on Sunday night.
John Cena is in the back, and bumps fists with Zack Ryder
The Miz comes out on the ramp to announce the match type for John Cena tonight… a No Holds Barred match. Cena enters, but Jack Swagger attacks him from behind! Miz says that Swagger will be his opponent tonight.
No Holds Barred
John Cena v. Jack Swagger
Cena gets a reprieve once the match is underway and attacks Swagger. It doesn’t last long as he is whipped viciously into the turnbuckle. Swagger hits a vertical suplex and we head to commercial.
Swagger is working on the arm of Cena as we come back from the break. He takes Cena to an exposed guard rail and wrenches his arm around the steel. Back in the ring, Jack Swagger places a chair onto the chest of Cena and goes for his second rope plunge. The move connects and Swagger goes for the cover. Cena kicks out. Cena tries to counter a whip, but Swagger counters by playing his opponent in the ankle lock! Cena counters with a nice roll through.
Swagger charges at Cena, but runs into a chair he set up in between the ropes earlier in the match! The referee begins the ten count. Both men get to their feet and Cena begins his moves of doom. Shoulder blocks followed by a side slam. The 5 Knuckle Shuffle connects, and Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment. He hits it, and immediately locks on the STF! Swagger taps, and this match is over.
Winner via STF: John Cena
The Miz is on the mic and tells Cena to enjoy this moment, because after Sunday night, there will be nothing but anguish in his life. Miz says there are so many ways to make someone say I Quit. For instance, he could chuck Cena off the stage. Or, as he demonstrates with a dolly camera, he could slam him into steel. Miz sends Riley on a scavenger hunt, and the lackey returns with a steel pipe. Miz holds it as he waltzes down to the ring to stand on the apron. Miz declares that he will be the Champion come Sunday. Miz says that Cena is looking at him as though he is lying. Miz says he won’t use the pipe on Sunday, but he will use it tonight. Riley tries for a cheap attack, but Cena blocks. Miz connects with a pipe shot, but Cena counters the next and grabs the pipe himself. He attacks Riley as Miz jumps him. Cena manages to clear the ring with his fists. Cena grabs a mic and says that on Sunday, The Miz will say, “I Quit”.
So, I graduated from college yesterday… what better way to celebrate than with some post-RAW thoughts! Okay, granted there are better ways, but let’s just go with it.
The entire focal point of tonight’s show was the mystery of who John Cena would face in the main event. Sure, it was also a go home show for a PPV, but that was more of an overriding theme of the night. The show itself was focused on Cena’s opponent. Who was the big reveal? Jack Swagger. Yup, the world’s most pathetic lackey was the big surprise opponent to face the company’s Champion. Ugh. I mean, the match itself was okay, but they could have done a bit better with that one. The crowd was even deflated when he did the run in attack, which should normally generate heat.
Swagger was “strong-ish” in his segment with Cole and Lawler, but that wasn’t enough to earn the main event slot. I really hope they don’t push him into the Title picture in the next couple of months because I just don’t see it. I didn’t see back when he was on ECW, I didn’t see it when he held the belt on Smackdown, and I just don’t see it now. Why should the guy be higher than midcard? Other than a lispy talk and monkey-esque mannerisms during his entrance, the guy is just one big yawn every time he walks out from behind the curtain.
Cole and Lawler had a decent segment. If Lawler doesn’t win this match, and they continue this storyline even farther down the line, I might vomit. It’s over, just end the damn thing. On a side note, is it just me or is Cole’s foot lathered with paprika? I actually really enjoy how hooky it looks. Rex Ryan would definitely be proud of Cole’s foot fetish.
Rey and Del Rio had a nice match, not much to comment on. This feud was going to happen at some point, and I’m really digging the “true Mexican” angle. The powers that be at TNA/Impact Wrestling/Whateverthehelltheyarecalled were dumb enough to not take Hernandez with them on their AAA invasion, so maybe Rey should reach out and bring him in for a body guard. It would be worth it just to see the look on Ricardo Rodriguez’s face.
CM Punk is starting to become relevant again. He was fading for a bit, but his vow to make the New Nexus a dominant force COULD be good. Whether or not they win the titles on Sunday will be an indicator of how much faith the office has in Punk’s ability to elevate the group.
Kelly Kelly proves to once again be one of the best reason to watch RAW each week. Thank the Lord the WWE switched Kelly and the god awful Alicia Fox. Recapping women’s wrestling is actually fun again.
It seems Kharma might just have a little crush on the blonde bombshell. I enjoy the Kharma interaction with Kelly during the attacks, because it adds a bit of character that keep the segments from becoming bland. We’ll have to wait and see how it plays out.
Spoiler Alert: Cena wins Sunday. Well, it’s not really a spoiler I suppose, more like an inevitable conclusion.
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