Are you ready for some Roulette? Then stop questioning your heart and join me because it is time for Monday Night RAW!!!
The Heartbreak Kid’s music hits, and Shawn Michaels makes his way down to the ring. He says that it was difficult to stay away from the WWE. He compares it to an addiction, and admits he can’t quit cold turkey. He thanks the fans for making it all worth it. He laments that every time there is a RAW guest host, they plug their new projects. He then puts over his new show on the Outdoor Channel, which by the way debuts tomorrow night at 11:30 Eastern Time. Michaels says he can’t stand when the guest host uses the show as an excuse to plug their social media sites, and then shows his Twitter name on the Titantron.
CM Punk’s music hits, and he comes down to the ring with Michael McGillicutty and David Otunga. Punk says that Michaels just couldn’t stay out of the limelight. Punk says that he can’t wait for July 17th which will be his final day. HBK says if that means the fans won’t have to hear from him anymore, then it is a win-win situation. Punk says that Michaels lost in his last match against the Undertaker, but Punk won’t lose on his last night. Michaels asks if Punk has run that by John Cena. Punk says that he beat Cena two weeks ago, so he has no doubt that at the Money in the Bank PPV in Chicago, he will be leaving as the WWE Champion. Punk says that it is a shame the fans would rather cheer for Michaels, who represents the past, instead of begging for Punk, who represents the future, to stay. Michaels says that the reason they cheer for him, is because they know that he is better than Punk. According to Punk, there is no one in the back that is better than him. Michaels may have been better than him, but he is not any longer. Punk asks if that is a challenge. Michaels responds… by hitting David Otunga with Sweet Chin Music. Punk says HBK just made the biggest mistake of his life.
and I quote…
Punk, you leaving WWE is your decision. But, seeing as you only have 3 RAWs left, we are going to make them count. Since you are already in the ring, you are going to have the first match tonight on RAW Roulette. So let’s spin the wheel.
We head to the back where Booker T spins the wheel. It lands on a question mark. This means that Punk has a mystery opponent, and he has been given a one way trip to hell. Because he will be facing Kane.
Back in the ring, Michaels Superkicks McGillicutty, and wishes Punk good luck.
Kane has Punk on the outside of the ring, and launches him into the barricade. Back in the ring, Kane hits a running dropkick onto a seated Punk. The Straight Edge Superstar regains control with a series of kicks, but Kane goes for the chokeslam. Punk escapes, but gets caught with a running boot. Kane takes to the top turnbuckle, but Punk counters and follows up after. Punk is looking for a Superplex. Kane head butts him down to the mat. Kane is planning for the leaping lariat, but Punk rolls out of the ring and begins to head up the ramp. The referee begins the 10 count. Punk is counted out, and this match is over.
Winner via Count Out: Kane
Evan Bourne v. Sin Cara
In the back, Booker T spins the Roulette wheel with Eve Torres. This match will be No Count Out!
The two square off and Bourne hits a snapmare. An arm drag by Sin Cara is immediately followed by one by Bourne. Cara tries a snapmare but Bourne lands on his feet. Cara launches for a vertical arm drag and then springboards off the ropes for another. Cara kicks Bourne in the gut and hits a spinning arm drag springboard. Bourne rolls out of the ring, and Cara follows after. They stare at each other, and then both run back in the ring.
They trade kicks and then Bourne whips Cara into the ropes and hits a dropkick. Cara bounces off the ropes for a cartwheel elbow, but Bourne dodges and tries for a kick, which Cara dodges. Bourne is sent flying out of the ring, and then Cara leaps out with a huge suicide dive. They are fighting on the entrance ramp now, but Bourne counters a fireman’s carry into a tilt-a-whirl takedown. Bourne rolls Cara back into the ring.
Bourne dodges a dropkick and then hits a modified Oklahoma Roll. Cara kicks out and then mimics the high flyer. Bourne hits a high knee to the face and goes for the cover. Cara kicks out. Bourne charges at Cara but is blocked by a boot and then hit with a springboard corkscrew crossbody. Bourne hits a standing moonsault and goes for the cover. Cara kicks out. Bourne hits a boot to the face, and then scales to the top rope for the Shooting Star Press. He leaps, but Cara moves out of the way and Bourne lands on his face. Cara jumps to his feet and hits his patented La Mistica. This match is over.
Winner via La Mistica: Sin Cara
In the back, Kofi Kingston is in the wheel room with Booker T. Kofi is assigned to spin the wheel to determine the stipulation for his match against Dolph. Vickie walks into the room and spins the wheel herself. It lands on Player’s Choice. Kofi decides that Vickie will be banned from ringside for the match!
Kofi Kingston v. Dolph Ziggler
Vickie Guerrero comes out to make the introduction for Dolph Ziggler, but the referees interrupt her and escort her to the back.
Kofi attacks Dolph and knocks him out of the ring. Kofi quickly rolls him back in, but Dolph catches him with a series of punches.
Back from the break, Ziggler hits a nice leg drop and goes for the cover. Kofi kicks out. Ziggler rubs his forearm across Kofi’s face, but gets met with a kick to the back of the leg. Ziggler hits a neckbreaker and goes for the cover. Kofi kicks out. Dolph kicks the small of his back, and then takes a moment to bring Kofi to his feet. Kofi capitalizes with a roll up, but Dolph kicks out. Kofi strikes on the back and head, but is met with a boot to the face. Dolph tries to throw him out of the ring, but Kofi counters by bouncing off the ropes and spins back with Trouble in Paradise. This match is over.
Winner via Trouble in Paradise: Kofi Kingston
In the back, Booker T is with Maryse and Alberto Del Rio. The wheel is spun and the stipulation for his match against Big Show will be a Steel Cage Match!
Steel Cage Match
Alberto Del Rio v. The Big Show
As soon as the bell tolls, Del Rio heads for the side of the cage. Show pulls him down to the mat, and then chops him across the chest. Show throws him head first into the cage, and then rakes his face against the steel. Show whips him into the corner and then charges towards Rio. Alberto moves out of the way and kicks him in the knee. Rio is running around like a madman, kicking wildly at the big man. Once show is on the mat, Rio surgically strikes the knee over and over again.
Mark Henry walks down the ramp. Show hits Rio with a big right hand and sets up for the chokeslam. Rio kicks him in the leg again, and then drops him down to the mat. Cover attempt, but Show kicks out. Rio heads towards the cage door, but then starts to scale the cage. Show clobbers him in the back, and then sets him up on the turnbuckle. Show is on the second rope, and is looking for a Superplex. It connects as the whole ring shakes!
Henry walks up the steel steps towards the cage door, and then rips the door off its hinges. Henry then takes the door into the cage. Del Rio scampers out of the cage and wins the match.
Winner: Alberto Del Rio
Henry takes the door and charges at Show who is standing on the apron, groggy. When Henry connects the entire side of the cage flies off and Show crashes to the ground. Henry follows after and taunts the giant. Officials surround Show to keep Henry away.
Kelly Kelly v. Nikki Bella w/ Brie
Booker T is in the back with the wheel and gives it a spin. It lands on… submission match!
Bella kicks Kelly in the gut and then throws her chest first into the turnbuckle. She is working the arm of Kelly and locks on an arm bar. Chris Jericho would be proud. Kelly connects with an elbow to the face and then locks on a Boston Crab, Jericho would definitely be proud! This match is over.
Winner via Boston Crab: Kelly Kelly
Brie attacks Kelly after the match. Eve runs down to make the save.
Rey Mysterio is in the back, and the wheel spins to a Tornado Tag Match. DDP(!) walks into the shot and plugs the new best of WCW DVD. Drew McIntyre enters the shot and complains that the old washed up WCW stars are taking up his TV time. He tells them that if they don’t leave soon, he is going to make sure they leave the building on stretchers. Shawn Michaels enters the shot and Superkicks Drew! HBK tells Booker and DDP that he has never seen any of the content on the WCW DVD, he was working at the time.
The Miz & Jack Swagger v. Rey Mysterio & Alex Riley
All four men are in the ring as Swagger sends Riley flying out. Miz follows after and Swagger turns his attention towards Rey. On the outside Miz sends Riley into the barricade. Swagger pounds Rey into the turnbuckle. Swagger hits a backbreaker and leaps for the second rope splash. He connects, but Rey kicks out. Miz encourages his teammate to continue. Rey is up on Swagger’s shoulders as Miz takes to the second rope. Rey slides off and Riley runs back into the ring. Swagger slides out of the ring but is caught by a leaping Rey. Riley flies up to Miz and throws him into the ring with a hip toss from the top rope! Cover attempt, but Miz kicks out.
Alex Riley tries to pin Miz, but Swagger breaks the cover. Rey flies off the top rope, but Swagger catches him and tosses him onto the knee of a waiting Miz. Cover attempt, but Rey kicks out. Miz hits Rey with a DDT, but Rey kicks out. Riley throws Swagger out of the ring, and then Miz throws out Riley. Miz sets up Rey on the top turnbuckle and is looking for the Superplex. Rey counters and sends Miz down to the mat. Rey leaps and connects with a seated senton.
Swagger is back in the ring, but gets caught with a tilt-a-whirl headscissors which sets him up for the 619. Swagger runs back towards Rey as Riley appears on the apron and drags Swagger to the outside. Rey tries a cover on Miz, but Miz kicks out. Rey kicks Miz into the 619 position, but Swagger grabs the feet of Rey to stop the Finisher. Riley is now back in the ring and Miz catches him with a DDT. Cover attempt by Miz, but Riley kicks out. Riley runs at Miz and clotheslines him to the outside. Rey runs at Swagger, and gets caught with a huge boot. Cover attempt, but Rey kicks out.
Swagger tries for the Gutwrench Powerbomb, but Rey counters and sets up for the 619. Swagger counters the move into an Ankle Lock attempt. Rey tries to hold on to the ropes, so Miz runs up and begins choking his neck. Riley attacks Miz and Rey sets up for the 619. This time the move connects and Swagger bounces into the waiting arms of Riley. Riley hits the DDT and then Rey leaps from the top turnbuckle for the diving headbutt. Cover attempt, and this match is over.
Winners: Alex Riley & Rey Mysterio
In the back, R-Truth is talking to himself. Booker T tells him to spin the wheel. His match against John Cena tonight will be a Tables Match! Truth says that tonight, John Cena is gonna get got.
R-Truth v. John Cena
Truth knocks Cena to the mat and begins to pound on him with right fists. Truth is whipped into the corner, and then caught with a snap suplex. Cena heads out of the ring for a table. Truth is quick to his feet and stops Cena, rolling him back into the ring. Truth places his knee into the back of Cena and pulls back on his arms for leverage. Cena uses his strength to escape, and then dropkicks Truth in the jaw. Cena goes for the AA, but Truth counters into a Roman Jawbreaker. Truth heads out of the ring for a table. He sets it up in the corner. Truth looks to suplex Cena into the table, but Cena counters the attempt. Truth charges at Cena, but Cena pulls down on the top rope and Truth flies out of the ring. Cena follows after and throws Truth shoulder first into the steel steps. Cena goes to retrieve a table from the ramp and carries it into the ring. He sets it up square in the middle and lifts Truth onto his shoulders for the Attitude Adjustment. He connects, but Punk has run down to the ring and knocked over the table. Cena exits the ring to brawl with Punk. The both head into the ring, and Truth spears Cena into the corner table! This match is over.
After the match, CM Punk grabs a mic and heads back up the entrance ramp. He takes a seat and addresses the fallen Cena. Punk says he has a lot of things that he wants to get off of his chest. He doesn’t hate or even dislike Cena. He actually likes Cena more than most of the guys in the back. What he hates is the concept that Cena is the best. Punk claims that he alone is the best. The one thing that Cena is better at than Punk is kissing Vince McMahon’s ass. Punk says Cena is as good as Hogan at kissing ass. Though maybe not as good as “Dwayne”. Punk apologizes for breaking the fourth wall. Punk says he has been hated since Paul Heyman saw something in him. Punk is a Heyman guy just like Brock Lesnar was. Brock split, and so will Punk. The difference is that Punk will leave with the Title. Punk says he has proven over the past six years that he is the best on the mic, in the ring, and on commentary. But despite all of that, he isn’t on any of the merchandise, in any of the movies, and is barely promoted. The fact that Dwayne is in the main event of Wrestlemania makes him sick. Punk says that the people cheering him right now are the biggest reasons for him leaving. They are the people sipping out of the cups he isn’t on, and then asking him to sign it in the airport at 5 in the morning so that they can sell it on Ebay instead of working real jobs. Punk says that when he leaves he may go to New Japan, or even back to Ring of Honor. Punk gives a shout out to Colt Cabana. Punk says that the company won’t even be better once Vince dies, because it will be run by his daughter and doofus son in law, HHH. Punk claims Vince could be a billionaire, but he is only a millionaire because he surrounds himself with yes men like John Laurinaitis. Punk then goes on to address the Anti-Bullying Campaign, but his mic gets cut off and RAW goes off the air.
CM Punk is a wuss. Actually, there is another word I’d use, but I prefer to keep these recaps free from profanity for all the kiddies that read it. Look Punk, I get it. You have a match in three weeks and you don’t want to get injured, you want to be in top form for your fight against Cena. Now I won’t get into what a travesty it is that Punk is walking away from the company after being given so much, but the least he can do in the interim is behave like a professional. Can you imagine if you went in to work tomorrow and half way through writing a report just walked away from your computer and said you’d only work on your last day? Just try and explain to your boss that you were saving your energy for that one last assignment. You’d be fired on the spot. Punk is contractually obligated to fight, and he should be punished for walking away from the ring tonight. He spit in the eye of the WWE, and in the very least should be stripped of his #1 Contenders title. Let Punk out of his contract today WWE, if he doesn’t want to wrestle, than he shouldn’t be allowed to face John Cena.
I love the fact that the WWE is willing to do theme nights such as RAW Roulette. Think of the trust in their talent that it requires. Sure, last week they gave the fans the vote, but the wrestlers were still able to mentally prepare themselves for one of three options. Tonight, there was simply no way to steel yourself for the seemingly infinite options that could emerge from the simple spin of the wheel. The fact that the talent could still perform on such a high level with virtually no inkling of what kind of match they would be thrust into surely showcases the level of talent in the company. Very impressive.
Now, all that being said I have to question the sanity of Kofi Kingston. Sometimes we are blinded by the obvious distractions and can’t see the light of prosperity shining in front of us. Kofi had the option to make any sort of match he wanted, yet he chose to ban Vickie from ringside. No doubt because Vickie was standing right in front of him. However, Kofi missed a monumental chance to make the stipulation a US Title match. Props to Vickie for providing enough distraction that even though Dolph lost his match, he retained his Title.
The WWE should start imposing fines for Superstars who interfere in matches. I’m willing to allow there to be some leeway for managers, but what happened tonight with Mark Henry and Big Show is simply not right. Show could very well be injured, and for what? Because Mark Henry doesn’t have the self control to stay on his brand. I’ve never seen a boxer interrupt a fight for a cheap shot, and the WWE should not allow it either. It’s a failing in this business that the practice has become so common place.
Kelly Kelly definitely impressed me tonight. I didn’t know she had the submission talent in her, but she was able to fight out of an arm bar and win with a Boston Crab. She really is a surprising little vixen.
Tornado Tag matches are tricky beasts to mount for Superstars. To be truly successful, you really have to feel comfortable with your partner. Sadly, that wasn’t the case for either of the teams tonight, but they still managed to overcome the obstacle of the match’s style and gave it their all. Having a high flyer like Rey is certainly advantage in such match ups because the guy can fly from anymore. Nice spin, Rey.
The main event was pretty quick, Truth capitalized on the interference by Punk. I don’t think I need to reiterate my stance on interference. Cena lost this match for one reason, and it wasn’t because of CM Punk. Cena was so engulfed by the roar of the crowd that he would rather spend those extra moments exiting the ring to grab a table than just use the one already in the ring. It was a baffling decision that allowed the interference to occur. Had he simply pulled Truth into the ring, Punk never would have had time to interfere. Unbelievable.
As for Punk’s promo… I’m very disappointed. I addressed his unprofessionalism at the start of my thoughts, so I suppose it is appropriate that his unprofessionalism ended the show. He should be released tomorrow, no question. So you aren’t on a cup, big deal Punk. Maybe if you weren’t leaving the ring during matches the company would invest some money in you. Punk still earns a monstrous paycheck and to spit in the face of the company, and the NETWORK is far beyond the line. I was once a fan of Mr. Punk, but I can’t cheer for those I don’t respect.
The last Monday of the month is “kayfabe” night in my RAW Recaps. Wrestling is supposed to be fun, so relax and enjoy
I know that a lot of you, like me, get sick of the fact that at the end of every month David does his silly kayfabe thoughts, which while a cute concept, leave the recap devoid of any actual thought. My solution? I proposed a “kayfabe kompromise” if you will, wherein I will provide some legitimate thoughts for the recap since David is apparently lost in his fantastical ravings where he still thinks wrestling is real. I used to appear in David’s columns every so often, so he was willing to give me a shot this month. Alright, enough blathering, let’s talk about RAW.
Shawn Michaels was back to promote his new show, which I’ve really no interest in. However, if they bring HBK back every single week just to Superkick David Otunga, I’ll die a happy man.
CM Punk/Kane was a bit frustrating as all Count Out victories tend to be, however it makes perfect sense given the background of Punk’s character. Expect him to do many things over the next couple of weeks which creative will specifically design to annoy the crowd. It’s working.
Great back and forth match between Evan Bourne and Sin Cara. Sure, it was nothing but a giant spotfest, but that is exactly what I was hoping to see from these two fabulous superstars. This is one of those matches that Indy fans dream of seeing in the WWE, but the company is wary to produce because of the high risk of injury. For a one off, it was fun.
Decent back and forth between Kofi and Dolph. The ending was a nice flash in the pan that utilized the Trouble in Paradise in perhaps the best way to date. Obviously this would seem to make Kofi the #1 Contender for the US Title, but I hope they don’t take it off of Ziggler quite so soon.
Mark Henry/Big Show is really a Smackdown angle, but they are using RAW as a vehicle to garner more interest. At least this time around when Henry tried to pull off the cage door, it actually worked. I was having flashbacks to a couple years ago when he spent at least a minute trying to tear of the door. They are booking Henry as a monster, and the guy deserves it. He has come a long way since his start in the company, and his work in ECW renewed the company’s trust in his character. If he can stay free from injury, he could very well hold a Title by year’s end. Who else is viable enough of a heel on Smackdown to seriously challenge Orton with Christian practically out of the way? I’m not one of those guys that scream for blood, but it’s still weird for me to see cage matches without the crimson tinge.
The Divas match tonight was atrocious. If you’ve ever wondered why we don’t see many submission matches for the female half of the WWE roster, I trust that you now understand. Wow, that was really, really awful. You can let Natalya do her cliché throwback to the Hart family with the Sharpshooter, but the rest of the Divas need to focus on Roll Up counters and cartwheels. Wow.
It has been at least 8 years since we have seen a tornado tag match on RAW. I didn’t fact check that one, but I can’t remember one in even remotely recent memory. It was done so well tonight, that I won’t be surprised if we see them brought back. I’d even be game if Title defenses were tornado style in an attempt to revitalize the tag division. It’s a pipe dream, but could be intriguing.
Punk’s promo to end RAW was one of the most refreshing segments in quite some time. Yes, obviously it was all approved before hand. Don’t be so naïve to think he actually went out there and cut a shoot promo. It’s a work, it’s all a work. Its purpose was so simple, and yet so elegant. Punk’s promo was specifically designed to galvanize the so-called “smart mark” crowd. They will be watching this on YouTube in repeats for hours, I can guarantee you that. Much like the attempts with Joey Styles and others in the past, we’ll see if they can hit their targets without baffling the rest of the crowd. I know it may seem hard to accept, but 90% of the people watching the show tonight have no idea what a Ring of Honor is, or who the hell that Colt Cabana guy is that Punk just shouted out.
Overall, a pretty outstanding RAW. Given the Punk promo that closed the show, this is not one that any of us will soon forget.
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