Are you ready for the 2011 Slammy Awards? Then stop questioning your heart and join me, because it’s time for Monday Night RAW!!!
Booker T and Hornswoggle are out to present the first Slammy Award of the night, “Tell Me I Didn’t Just See That Moment of the Year”. The winner: Jim Ross and his dancing antics during the Michael Cole challenge. During his acceptance speech, Michael Cole gets into the ring and interrupts. He is complaining that Ross won an award for dancing. Booker T says that Cole is just jealous that Ross beat him in the dance off. Booker T says that right now, Jim Ross is going to beat Cole in a rap off! They walk down to the ring to join Cole. Booker T says that if Cole is so slick, he can go first. Michael Cole proceeds to… get Jiggy with it and rap. Jim Ross follows and completely fails. It goes to a crowd vote, and they choose Jim Ross. Michael Cole gets out of the ring, and Booker T calls for a Spinaroonie – from Jim Ross. He obliges, following T’s example.
Mick Foley is shown walking backstage, he’s up to present the next Slammy.
Mick Foley and Ted Dibiase Sr. are out to present the “Holy Shit Move of the Year”. Mark Henry & Big Show win for their monstrous Superplex that collapsed the ring. Big Show is out to accept the award, and says he’ll defeat Henry at TLC and win the World Heavyweight Championship to place next to his Slammy. Big Show walks down to the ring after declaring he will go destroy his opponent. Wade Barrett’s music hits and he walks out with mic in hand. He says that he will defeat Orton on PPV, just like he will defeat Big Show right now. Let the Barrett Barrage commence!
Wade Barrett v. Big Show
They exchange blows in the ring, until Wade rolls to the outside. Show follows after. There is a table set up on the side, and Show looks to throw Wade through it. Wade scurries out of his arms and gets in a couple punches. Show is slumped over the table, so Wade goes to the second rope. Show gets back to his feet, and breaks the table in half with his bare fists. Wade jumps down to the apron. Show chops him which sends him flying into the ring. Wade grabs a steel chair, and connects with Show’s leg once he reenters the ring. The referee calls for the bell as Show throws Wade out of the ring. Wade runs up the ramp to escape.
Winner via DQ: The Big Show
Out to present the next Slammy Award is the “Road Dogg” Jesse James! The winner for “Pipe Bomb” Moment of the Year… CM Punk. He comes out to accept, carrying a manikin. Punk takes the time to recognize someone backstage who doesn’t get thanks. Punk says that just like the manikin, he wants to honor someone boring and dull. He rolls a tribute video to the career of John Laurinaitis.
Lita is out to present the next Slammy Award, which is for “Divalicious” Moment of the Year. It goes to Kelly Kelly for… being Kelly Kelly. The Maxim model comes out to thank the crowd. The “Pin Up Strong” Team of Natalya and Beth Phoenix come out to interrupt. Beth attempts to take the Slammy, but Kelly slaps her and takes it back.
Santino is out to present the Slammy for “OMG” Moment of the Year. The Bellas Twins come out to join him. The winner… the Undertaker for defeating HHH to become 19-0 at WrestleMania.
HHH walks down to the ring with a sledgehammer. Trips briefly talks about the ‘mania match, and then shows a clip of Nash’s assault on him two months ago on RAW. HHH says that at the PPV he will grab the sledgehammer hanging above the ring in their ladder match, and drive it into Nash over and over again. This Sunday, all the lies and deception will be done. HHH will be proven right, and Nash will be simply done.
David Otunga & Tony Atlas come out to present a Slammy for social media exposure. The first of the four nominees to trend on Twitter will win. They will be involved in a Fatal Four Way Match tonight, and the winner will be announced after the match. The nominees are Cody Rhodes, Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler & Zack Ryder.
Cody Rhodes v. Daniel Bryan v. Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero v. Zack Ryder
Cody and Bryan go after each other as Dolph and Ryder lock up. Bryan and Ryder knock their foes out of the ring, and then fly out with leaping dives!
Ryder and Bryan are in the ring as we come back. Ryder hits a strong boot in the corner. They charge at each other and crash with stereo crossbodys. Rhodes comes in to try and make a quick cover, but both Bryan and Zack kick out. Ziggler also enters the ring, and appears to form a pact with Rhodes. They go after Ryder and Bryan. The quickly seem to have a falling out, which Bryan tries to capitalize on with a roll up. Rhodes kicks out. Ryder is back in the ring getting Ziggler’s attention. Bryan and Rhodes exchange about 8 cover attempts. Ryder gets thrown out of the ring and Ziggler tries for a quick cover. Rhodes kicks out and hits an Alabama Slam! Cover, but Ziggler kicks out.
Back from the break, Ryder and Rhodes have their legs locked up in the middle of the ring. They break loose. Cody charges into a Ryder kick. Ryder goes for his running boot, but Ziggler leaps up to the apron to interrupt. Ryder tries a roll up, but Ziggler kicks out. Bryan goes for one of his own but Ryder kicks out. Ziggler flies out of the corner and hits a clothesline on both Ryder and Bryan at the same time! Bryan sets up Cody in the corner and destroys him with a series of kicks. He flies across the ring with a dropkick! Bryan takes to the top rope but Cody runs over and knocks him to a crouch landing. Ryder avoids a Ziggler splash and climbs the ropes himself. Ziggler follows after as does Cody on Bryan. They hit superplexes one after the other! All 4 men are down on the mat. Finishers start to fly around the ring. Rough Ryder, Cross Rhodes, LeBelle Lock and finally a Zig Zag. Ziggler picks up the win with a cover on Bryan.
Winner via Zig Zag: Dolph Ziggler
After the match, Zack Ryder is announced as the trending star of the year Slammy! Lawler hands the award to Ryder, but Ziggler immediately hits Zack with a Zig Zag!
The injured Christian is out to present the Slammy for “Game Changer of the Year”. The winner is The Rock for challenging John Cena to a match at WrestleMania. John Cena comes out to accept the award. He says that he can’t accept the award himself, so he introduces The Rock! The Rock’s music doesn’t even hit… because he’s never around. Cena looks confused that The Rock isn’t here since he said that he was never leaving. Cena says that’s okay, because surely we have a clip! There is no clip. Cena says that the real game changing moment will be their match at WrestleMania.
CM Punk & Randy Orton v. The Miz & Alberto Del Rio
The Miz has Orton in a strong headlock. Orton escapes with a neckbreaker, allowing both men to make tags. Del Rio is taken out with a Punk springboard. Cover, but Del Rio kicks out. Punk is clobbered with a knee from Del Rio as we go to commercial.
Back from the break, Miz and Punk are in the ring. Del Rio gets the tag and work the neck of Punk. Del Rio scurries to tag in Miz after absorbing a Punk neckbreaker. Miz cuts off the tag to Orton. Punk goes for a roll up, but Miz kicks out. Miz punches Punk in the face, and then tags in his partner. Del Rio kicks the side of Punk, followed by an arm breaker. Cover, but Punk kicks out. The Miz gets the tag and charges for a huge splash on Punk in the corner. Orton can only watch on as Miz goes for the cover. Punk kicks out. Miz runs and hits Punk in the skull with a knee. Miz is looking for the finish, but Punk lifts him up on his shoulders for the GTS. Miz counters with a backbreaker, but Punk kicks him in the head. Del Rio gets the tag, and is just barely able to stop him from making the tag. Wade Barrett runs out of the crowd and knocks Orton off the apron. Miz charges in the corner for a splash, but Punk moves out of the way. Miz bounces right back and hits the Skull Crushing Finale. This match is over!
Winners: The Miz & Alberto Del Rio
After the match, Orton runs into the crowd to try and find Wade. Del Rio brings a ladder into the ring, and double teams Punk with Miz. Del Rio uses the ladder as a brace to apply the Cross Arm Breaker! Miz has a mic and says that Punk’s pipe bomb is going to blow up in his face at TLC! Miz and Del Rio will fight it out, but first they will make sure that Punk can’t walk out of the PPV with the WWE Title.
Vickie Guerrero is out to present the Slammy for WWE A Lister of the Year. Goldust is her presentation partner. The winner… Snooki. Vickie says that she couldn’t be here tonight, but she did leave a pre-recorded message. Snooki thanks her fans, and gives Zack Ryder a shout out.
Josh Mathews is in the back with Mark Henry and asks him about facing John Cena tonight. Henry says that Cena shouldn’t be worried about WrestleMania, he should be worried about getting inducted into the Hall of Pain tonight.
Sheamus v. Jinder Mahal
Jinder mouths off on his way to the ring. As soon as he enters, Sheamus hits him with a Brogue Kick! The match never even begins!
Rey Mysterio is out to present Superstar of the Year! The winner via fan votes is… CM Punk! John Laurinaitis comes out to accept the award. Since Punk cannot make it out to accept the award, John humbly accepts it on Punk’s behalf.
John Cena v. Mark Henry
Introductions occur, and we head to our final commercial break of the night.
Back from the break, Henry is clearly in control. He connects with a series of punches and kicks. He splashes Cena and goes for a cover. Cena kicks out. Henry squeezes the skull of Cena into near submission. Cena uses his strength to power out. John looks for the 5 Knuckle Shuffle, and connects! Cena tries to lift Henry up for the AA, but Henry is too heavy. Cover, but Cena kicks out. Henry lifts Cena up into the air for a monstrous bear hug. Cena powers out, but his shoulder block attempt is converted into a scoop slam.
Kane’s music hits and he walks down to the ring. He is wearing a large mask that looks like it belongs in one of the Predator movies; his hair is grown out. Kane hits a chokeslam on Cena, and then calls for the pyro on the sides of the ring. Kane takes his mask off, to reveal a leather one underneath!
Kane has been resurrected. It took a bit longer than three days, but he is not exactly the son of God so that’s excusable. I have to admit I cringed when I first saw his mask. I was having a flashback to the Shockmaster with that toyish looking prop, but thankfully that hideous piece was removed to reveal a nice leather ensemble. The hair is a nice touch, and a departure from the cue ball menace that had a Championship reign on Smackdown. His ring attire was iffy, but I’ll get behind this new masked Kane. He’s one of the most consistent performers in the company, and deserves his future Hall of Fame ring.
Terrible segment to open RAW. I like Jim Ross, but he blew it tonight. Maybe he was supposed to forget his lines, but judging by his comments on Twitter and Cole making fun of him, it seemed like a true gaffe. That’s a shame, but even if he did get the verses right it probably still would have sucked. (Though if he ever puts out a mixtape, I’ll definitely download it)
Tonight was clearly all about the Slammy Awards, and I think they made the right choice by not having a host. I actually enjoy Dennis Miller at times, but when they had him it just didn’t work. The voice over bringing us back from commercials sounded hooky, but it was okay.
Wade/Show was quick and accomplished little; the same could be said for almost every match tonight. A lot of squashes/contrived endings. The Four Way was given a fair amount of time, and it made sense to have Dolph win the match since Ryder was almost definitely going to win the social media impact award.
I appreciate what the WWE is trying to do, but the whole Twitter obsession is starting to get annoying. I love the trends and all of that, but it’s not fun to have things shoved down the throats of the viewer. Not something you can’t even taste, at least.
Hornswoggle talking is still taking a bit of adjustment to accept, but I do enjoy his work.
Plenty of fun guest appearances tonight. Lita was a surprising jail break twist. (It’s a joke, relax. Not even a good one, so there is no reason to email me about it. Divas aren’t entertaining to watch wrestle. Sigh, might as well just get all the hate fuel out there at this point)
Road Dogg still has it! I’d actually love to see him announce somewhere or do voice over work. He probably has, but I’m too lazy to look him up on Wikipedia at the moment because I’d be lying if I said I have paid enough attention to his career to know such details.
TLC should be a pretty swell PPV. I should probably elaborate more but… it was a long RAW. I’m buying it, should be a fun one to watch.
Overall, not a great RAW tonight. Not a bad one per se, just felt like a giant clip show with mostly throwaway matches meant to build a PPV. Which… is pretty much what it was, actually.
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