Are you ready for the mystery TO BE REVEALED??? Then stop questioning your heart and join me, because it’s time for Monday Night RAW!
John Cena’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring. The crowd greets him with a very mixed reaction, leaning towards negative. Cena says that 2011 may not have ended how he wanted, but it is a new day and a new year. Cena claims that he is going to make some changes to himself in 2012. First, he promises to wear less underwear. Second, his father is banned from appearing on RAW. Third, after he slaps the face off of The Rock’s neck he intends to prove to The Rock that he has lost his lady parts. Cena says there is one thing that will not change in 2012, and it’s the same thing that has remained true the past 10 years. Cena says that words like Hustle, Loyalty and Respect will not fall to pieces because someone throws fire in his face. His convictions will remain true. Cena says that the fans in the audience paid their hard earned money, so he will respect their right to say whatever they want to about him. Kane is upset with the way that Cena carries himself. Kane wants Cena to turn his back on the fans and embrace hate. Cena declines, and says that he will never go down that path. Cena is like each and every WWE Superstar, whether the fans love or hate them, there is no better feeling than being in the ring in front of all of the fans. He will continue to enjoy whatever response the fans choose to greet him with each time he enters the ring. Cena says that he is going to start the year off by thanking the fans.
Kane’s music hits, but he doesn’t emerge on the ramp. His voice comes over the speakers as Cena looks around. Kane says that tonight Cena will be forced to embrace the hate. The posts of the ring explode with fire!
Cody Rhodes v. Daniel Bryan
Bryan whips Cody into the corner, but gets blocked by a boot to the face. Cody hits an arm whip and then throws Bryan shoulder first into the steel post. Bryan kicks out of the cover. Cody continues to work on the shoulder with a couple of arm bar variants. Cody releases the hold and taunts the crowd. Bryan backs out of the corner with an elbow, followed by a flying elbow attack. Cody is sent to the outside. Bryan gets on the apron and runs and leaps for a flying knee! Back inside the ring, Bryan leaps for a crossbody, but Cody moves out of the way. Cody hits a big boot, but Bryan kicks out of the cover. Bryan follows up with a small package, and this match is over!
Winner via Small Package: Daniel Bryan
John Laurinaitis is in the back with The Miz. Miz asks what he is going to do about R-Truth’s attack last week. John says that what Truth did was unprofessional. Miz is upset that John is not doing anything other than offering words of condolence. John says that Miz can’t forget that he attacked Truth two months ago. John says that obviously Miz is scared, but there will be bodyguards to protect him.
Tonight, The Miz will face Sheamus! Miz is angry and says that he does not want to be a sitting duck for an R-Truth attack. John responds by saying it’s better than being a lame duck! Miz is not amused. He exits John’s office and walks down the corridor shouting that he will not be a sitting duck. R-Truth enters the shot and makes chicken wings with his arms whilst maniacally quacking like a lunatic.
Wade Barrett’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring. We see a video recap of his hotel altercation with Randy Orton on Smackdown last week. Wade says that he is not here to wish anyone a happy new year. Wade says that Orton is just another victim of the Barrett Barrage, but Orton is now in the past. The future for Wade is main eventing WrestleMania via winning the Royal Rumble! Wade says that no one can deny his greatness. Santino’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring for the match.
Wade Barrett v. Santino
Santino offers a pop quiz, pointing out that he lasted longer than Wade in the Rumble last year. Santino calls him stupid, starts to act like a train, and this match is underway.
Santino connects with a punch, and then dodges a punch. Wade kicks him in the face and follows with a fist. Wade lifts him up off the mat and throws him into the corner. The referee backs him off as he punches and kicks Santino over and over. Santino dodges a boot and looks for the Cobra. Wade blocks with a kick to the face, and then throws Santino shoulder first into the steel post. Wade hits the winds of change, and this match is over.
Winner via Winds of Change: Wade Barrett
In the back, The Bella Twins are with the Miz arguing about whether he or R-Truthd is at blame for their feud. They say they haven’t seen Truth, but they have seen little Jimmy. Miz is still not amused, and walks away. Truth walks into the shot for a moment to let his presence be felt, before turning around.
The Miz v. Sheamus
Miz attacks before the match even begins. He gets Sheamus down to the mat and traps his left arm in between the bottom and second rope. Sheamus escapes and places Miz on the apron. Miz is clobbered by blow after blow. Miz runs into the crowd to escape.
Match Never Begins
Truth appears on the stairs and says that Little Jimmy told him that Miz needs to get got! Miz runs back towards the ring, only to get hit with a Brogue kick! Truth crosses over the barricade and grabs a bottle of water from the commentator’s table. Miz is in the unfortunate victim of a savage and soaking water bottle blow to the cranium.
Truth heads back up into the crowd and says that this weekly beat down of The Miz was brought to you by Little Jimmy. Truth turns to a little kid next to him and asks him if he has any words to share. “Little Jimmy” replies, Happy New Year Miz!
Josh Mathews is in the back with Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero. Josh asks if Dolph will defeat Punk for the WWE Title tonight. Ziggler says that no one has the skill and ability that he has. Ziggler says that he has gotten everything that he has ever wanted, except for one thing. Tonight, that will change. Ziggler promises that tonight he will win the WWE Title!
Zack Ryder is in the back with Eve Torres. Swagger says that an imposter is walking around with the US Title. Ryder starts to panic, but Eve points out that Swagger is talking about him. They begin to argue as John Laurinaitis enters the shot from out of nowhere. He says that both Ryder and Swagger will be involved in a huge Six Man Tag main event tonight!
Divas match result courtesy WWE.com
The Bella Twins def. Kelly Kelly & Eve
Former Divas Champions Kelly Kelly & Eve joined forces to take on Brie & Nikki Bella on Raw SuperShow. The twins were victorious when they used a little bit of “Twin Magic,” swapping places and pinning Eve for the victory.
Dolph Ziggler v. CM Punk
Punk goes for a quick cover, but Ziggler kicks out. Punk goes to a rear Nelson. Ziggler escapes and goes for a headlock cover. Punk rolls out before the count of one. Punk hits a side slam and goes for another cover. They exchange cover attempts back and forth. Ziggler leaps for an elbow, but Punk rolls out of the way. Punk hits a series of leg drops, and then goes for the cover! Ziggler kicks out of the cover, but gets caught in a rear headlock. Ziggler struggles to get to his feet, and pushes Punk into the ropes. Cover, but Punk kicks out. Ziggler goes for an elbow, and this time connects. Ziggler locks on a side headlock. Punk escapes, and kicks Ziggler out of the ring. Punk runs for a suicide dive, but Ziggler blocks it with a punch to the face. Ziggler hits a nice neckbreaker on the apron. Ziggler rolls him back into the ring and goes for the cover, but Punk kicks out.
Back from the break, Ziggler is on Punk’s back. Punk drops him to the mat and goes for the cover. Ziggler kicks out. Punk goes for another, but Ziggler is under the ropes. Ziggler hits a leg drop, but Punk kicks out of that cover. Punk charges towards the corner and hits a high knee on Ziggler, followed by a bulldog. Cover, but Ziggler kicks out. Punk is signaling for the Go To Sleep, but Laurinaitis walks down the ramp to talk to the referee about a turnbuckle which has become exposed. Punk locks on the Anaconda Vice, but the referee doesn’t see Ziggler tap! Laurinaitis is pushed on the apron, and as he falls he pulls down on the top rope. Punk is sent towards the ropes, and flies out of the ring! The referee begins a ten count, and this match is over!
Punk retains his Title.
Winner via Count Out: Dolph Ziggler
After the match, Punk is furious but Ziggler escapes into the crowd.
John Laurinaitis is in his office with David Otunga as CM Punk walks in. Punk says that for two weeks now John has screwed him. Punk can’t let it slide anymore. John tells him to watch his mouth. Punk’s problem should be with Dolph Ziggler. Laurinaitis says that Punk will face Ziggler at the Royal Rumble, and he will be the special guest referee. Punk says that if John screws him at the Rumble, he is going to beat him like a bitch!
The screen begins to shake as the camera catches shots of the crowd. There is a crazy atmosphere in the building as the crowd awaits the arrival of the mystery man. The lights go out. A man appears with his arms spread. It’s Chris Jericho!!!!!
The music hits, and it’s time to break the walls down! The Ayatollah of Rockanrolla makes his way down to the ring. He takes his time to soak up the roaring ovation. He walks around ringside and shakes hands with the fans before getting back in and calling for a mic. The crowd begins a loud “Y-2-J” chant! He pumps the crowd up over and over again. Jericho walks around the ring again, pumps up the crowd, and then begins to head up the entrance ramp. Jericho leaves without speaking to the crowd amidst a mild amount of boos from the disappointed crowd.
John Cena, Zack Ryder & The Big Show v. Jack Swagger, Mark Henry & Kane
David Otunga walks down to the ring and tells the referee that Kane will not be competing, so this will now be a handicap match.
Cena and Swagger start off. Cena hits a scoop slam and goes for the cover. Swagger kicks out. Cena hits a dropkick and goes for another cover. Swagger kicks out but is immediately caught in a front headlock. Swagger blocks a Cena overhead slam as we go to commercial.
Swagger hits his splash off the second rope and goes for the cover. Cena kicks out of the cover. Swagger locks on a front headlock. Cena throws Swagger away to escape. Big Show gets the tag! Swagger is cleared with a couple of clotheslines and then thrown into the corner. Show hits a splash and shoulder block. Show powers up, and goes for the Knock Out punch but Swagger tags in Mark Henry. They begin to exchange blows. Show hits a huge flying shoulder! Henry slides out of the ring, and Show follows after. Henry grabs a steel chair, but Show punches him and grabs the chair. Show hits Henry over the back, and they both are eliminated!
Swagger and Ryder are in the ring. Ryder has the advantage at the start, but Swagger locks on the ankle lock. Ryder tags in Cena! Cena connects with a side slam and looks for the 5 Knuckle Shuffle. It connects! Cena lifts Swagger up for the AA! This match is over!
Winners: John Cena, Zack Ryder & Big Show
After the match, Kane’s music and fire hit! Cena walks up the ramp to meet him, but Kane emerges from under the ring!! Ryder is caught with a big boot. Cena tries to get back in to help, but Kane chokes him out on the outside. Kane grabs Cena’s leg, but drops it and looks back at Ryder in the ring. Ryder tries to escape, but Kane grabs his ankle. Kane drags Ryder back towards the hole from which he emerged! Cena runs into the ring and pulls Ryder free, but Kane has escaped back down into the abyss from which he entered the arena. A huge pillar of fire erupts from up under the ring.
Apparently my thoughts never got posted this week, so I figured better late than never. Actually, it was more a matter of not knowing what to say. I have four sheets of paper with handwritten thoughts sections crumpled up around my room at the moment. With the reveal of the mystery man it was one of those RAWs that I just knew would be remembered for quite some time, and yet I wasn’t sure how to say what I was feeling. Or at least, I thought that’s what the problem was. Turns out – I just don’t know what I’m feeling. So rather than give another go at scribbling out an attempt at some inspirationally written dissertation on Jericho’s return, I’ve given up. So it’ll be the same crap just a couple days later. It’s puzzling this business of wrestling. It really is puzzling at times. However, there is one thing that I’m sure of –
I’m so damn tired of John Cena. Hold your breath haters; I’m not declaring myself a member of your political party. I just need to get away from his character. I get it, he’s all about respect. The fans pay for tickets, so they can do what they want. I even appreciate the fact that Cena is acknowledging that fact. Even if that fact points out that even the smarkiest of smarks is still a giant mark. See the Anti Cena T-Shirts for the prime example of that fact. Yet it is sooooo annoying to see Cena come out each and every week and give the same damn speech.
No disrespect to Emperor Palpa-Kane, but I don’t even have a clue as to why he is getting entangled with John Cena. Kane isn’t going to come out on top in this feud; WrestleMania requires Cena head into the show as a God. How else are we to believe it when his hand is raised over the most electrifying guy to ever leave pro-wrestling for movies that wasn’t a member of the road crew? (That’s a pretty horrible attempt at an electrician joke, but screw it). So if Kane is to come back as a monster, how does this play out to his benefit? There is no bigger way for Kane to get a push than to go over the company’s number one guy in Cena, but does that really seem like the end result? There are too many questions and hesitations on this angle for me.
Getting back to being tired of the Cena character, I just don’t get why he has to take the wind out of the entire audience’s sails. Instead of just annoying the smarks, he’s now alienating the supporters. They are left scratching their heads as to why he is preaching a message of love thy enemy. Professional Wrestling may be a pseudo-religion, but Cena is not the Christ child. This is an industry based around beating guys up. Only so much lovey dovey hippie peace talk about acceptance and floating gracefully away from hate is going to fly with the Nascar dads buying the tickets and merchandise for their youngsters. It’s annoying, plain and simple.
Who the hell was the anonymous RAW GM?? I will not let this plot hole go. I won’t, I can’t. I know that HHH said that he was fired because he wasn’t needed anymore, but I’m still begging for closure on the mystery identity.
Daniel Bryan is one of the weakest looking Champions I can remember. The last guy to hold the World Championship that really puzzled me was Jack Swagger. I love Daniel Bryan, I’ve met him, he’s a great talent and nice guy, but he does not give me the feeling in my gut of being a World Champion. I want him to be, I really do. I’m rooting that this Title run will turn around, or that his next one will be with the backing of a different angle, because the guy does deserve greatness. Unfortunately, at the moment he is still lacking in a certain level of charisma. I may be an asshole for saying it, but his personality doesn’t light up an entire arena.
Wade Barrett is skimming water at the moment after the loss of Randy Orton from the active roster. Their feud was not over, but had to be cut short due to injury. Hopefully they keep using him each week in a worthwhile capacity so that he doesn’t fade to obscurity until a decent rival can be found for him to feud against.
R-Truth is back, and he is rocking my socks off. For all of the skill he may lack in having a decent wrestling match not dependent upon his opponent, he makes up for in sheer craziness and mic work. I wish he would become a manager, because I absolutely love this guy. Actually, if he is going to wrestle, then I vote that “Little Jimmy” becomes HIS manager. If he is going to be getting advice from Jimmy, it only makes sense that he accompanies him to the ring. All I’m going to say is that if a referee falls for a distraction from Little Jimmy I’m probably going to wet my pants.
I have no qualms with Miz exiting the ring before his match with Sheamus. It ended up progressing his feud with Truth, and Sheamus walked away looking strong.
Eve Torres is quite attractive. There, I said something about a Diva, now stop emailing me.
I really appreciate the John Laurinaitis involvement in the CM Punk/Ziggler Championship Match. Ziggler got an amazing rub by going over the Champion, and Punk isn’t hurt because it was due to gross interference. I’ve been saying for a month now that I like Laurinaitis’ character, and every week it continues to be true. Even people I’ve watched RAW with who aren’t big time wrestling fans immediately dislike him when he comes on the screen. He’s just that good at his job. If Laurinaitis and Vickie become a couple on the show, the fans may riot.
There was nothing too special out of the main event until the bizarre ending. It had an old school feel to it at first, but with the modern twist of a very dangerous looking pillar of fire. I was actually shocked that the heat would be a safe temperature for those in the ring. Anyone who has been within a couple hundred feet of the fire pyro at a show knows how hot it can get. While the pillar in the ring was smaller, it still must have had a bite. Good thing Zack Ryder loves his tan!
Let’s talk about the elephant in the room… Chris Jericho.
What the hell was that?
No really, what the hell was that. The guy has been gone, he’s been dancing, and he’s been denying his return. And that was it? I always try and spin things to make them seem fine and dandy, but I had a problem with this one. Now the quick explanation that I’ve read this week for Jericho not speaking was that he must be coming back as a heel, so he didn’t give the fans what they want. Or that it leaves us in anticipation. You know what I think? I think Jericho was so over excited and out of breath that every time he went to talk he couldn’t. He ran through his time block with the crowd taunts and high fives and had no choice but to return to the back. Sure I doubt that is true in this age of carefully dictated shows, but nothing felt right. He looked like he was either on speed or coked out of his mind. His eyes were dancing, his body was shaking and he looked about ready to collapse from exhaustion. Let’s be clear that I’m not suggesting he was on drugs of any sort; I’m simply comparing his behavior to those effects. It baffled me. I’m baffled by the segment. I’m disappointed he didn’t talk, sure. But it’s also the fact that I just don’t understand what the writers hoped to get out of this segment. I’m looking forward to hearing Jericho speak next week for sure, but not because of anything he did this week. I’m not extra intrigued because of the delay in his return promo, I’m straight up annoyed. I’m tired of the bullcrap, Jericho needs to hurry up and remind me of why I’ve loved his character for so many years. Fine WWE, if you want to drag it out and make the fans wait so that it has a bigger impact, so be it. But please hurry; between Cena and Jericho, I’m really starting to get annoyed.
I do read every single e-mail you guys send, even the Facebook comments below, and really appreciate hearing your thoughts. Send me some e-mails, and have a safe week everyone!
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