King was in the ring and his introduced Shaquille O’Neil as tonight’s special guest host.
Shaq came to the ring and announced that we’d figure out the main event for Summerslam tonight. To determine Randy Orton’s challenger, we’re going to have a beat the clock contest that will feature Mark Henry, Triple H, John Cena, MVP and Jack Swagger.
All of a sudden Chris Jericho’s music hit and he came down to the ring. He ran down Shaq saying he was expecting Kobe Bryant when they told him the biggest NBA star would be there. Shaq called him ‘cute’ and kissed his forehead before playing with his hair flip and calling him Christina. Shaq kept making fun of Jericho until Big Show’s music hit and he came down to the ring. Show said he wasn’t intimidated by Shaq and said he’d better leave the ring or he’d be using a 7 foot tall tooth pick to pick his teeth.
Shaq challenged Big Show to a match but Show turned him down, saying he didn’t need attorneys and David Stern on his case for killing a senior citizen. Shaq said is he wouldn’t face him, him and Jericho would face someone else, at that would be Cryme Tyme. They came out to the ring.
Beat the Clock Match #1
Mark Henry vs. Carlito
Henry chased Carlito around the ring who immediately began stalling. He left the ring, backed off in the corner and did what he could to prevent anything from happening. He ducked under a Henry right hand before getting flat backed by a Henry shoulder block.
Carlito took off to the outside of the ring and Henry gave chase before grabbing him and throwing him back into the ring. Carlito hit a drop kick and tried to hit a tope, but Henry caught him and slammed him into the ring from the outside.
Carlito tried to fight back with punches, only for Henry to catch a fist and throw him to his back. Carlito again tried to escape only for Henry to drag him back in the ring. Carlito rolled to the outside again only for Henry to go get him and toss him into the guardrail. Henry went for a pin fall and only got a two count.
Henry missed a clothesline and Carlito hit a back elbow. Carlito hammered away on him with rights and lefts only to get decapitated with another clothesline for a two count. Henry hit an Irish whip and an avalanche in the corner before CCarlita faintly tried to fight back. Henry hit a standing big boot to Carlito’s face for another two count. Henry went for the sit out, but whiffed. Carlito hit a leg drop to the back of the head and got a two count.
Carlito hung Henry up on the top rope before hitting a springboard drop kick for a two count. He looked for a rear chin lock but Henry quickly backed him into the corner. Henry hit a big head butt for a two count. Carlito attempted a desperation sleeper and sank it in. Carlito hit a drop kick to the legs and went for a cross body block, but Henry blocked it. He went for a World’s Strongest Slam, but Carlito wiggled out and attempted a back stabber but fell off. He went for a running cross body and Henry finally caught him and connected with the World’s Strongest Slam for the win.
Winner: Mark Henry via pin fall at 6:47
Mickie James, Kelly Kelly & Gail Kim vs. Beth Phoenix, Alicia Foxx & Rosa Mendes
Gail grabbed a front face lock on Beth, only for Beth to power her off with a back body drop. She picked Gail up by the neck only for Kim to counter with an awesome looking submission. Rosa entered the fray to make the save. Beth mounted Gail and began slugging away at her face before throwing her into the corner and tagging in Alicia.
Foxx hit a kick to the gut then an awesome tilt a whirl back breaker for a two count. Rosa tagged in and hit a body slam for a one count before Alicia tagged back into the match. Alicia hit a snap mare before getting monkey flipped to the face side of the ring. Mickie came running into the ring before hitting a clothesline and cleaning out the heels. She hit a back kick and a neck breaker that got her a two count.
Mickie looked for the implant DDT, but Alicia rushed her to the corner only to eat the flying head scissors followed by a Thesz Press. Gail tagged in and hit a missile drop kick for a three count.
Winners: Mickie James, Kelly Kelly and Gail Kim via pin fall
Michael Cole is in the back with Shaq when Hornswoggle came walking in. We found out that he and Hornswoggle went to High School together before giving him a basketball to dunk before he obviously botched it. Cole tried to be cool with Shaq before getting snubbed.
Beat the Clock Match #2
Chris Masters vs. MVP
Wow, Chris Masters is back. Cool.
MVP went for a quick roll up or two before Masters was able to kick out. Masters beat MVP back with right hands before hitting a big running boot. Her went for a master lock only for MVP to roll through and attempt a sunset flip but Masters decked him with a right hand.
Masters hit a vertical suplex before pounding on MVP on the mat. The two had a fun criss cross where Masters attempted a roll up only for MVP to kick out. MVP beat him back with rights and lefts before Porter missed the Chono kick in the corner. Masters hit some shots to Porter’s back before eating an elbow in the corner.
MVP exploded off the ropes with a huge lariat for a two count, before finding himself ejected to the arena floor. The two brawled around on the arena floor before Masters locked in the Master lock and held him on the outside as the two were counted out.
Winner: DOUBLE COUNT-OUT
The Brian Kendrick vs. Kofi Kingston
Kendrick was furious in the ring, jaw jacking at Lawler, telling him he’d give him what was coming to him once he was done with Kingston. Kofi ran across the ring and hit him with Trouble in Paradise for the win and that was it.
Winner: Kofi Kingston via pin fall
Triple H is walking to the ring before Ted Dibiase hit him with a black stick. He said ‘Good luck tonight Hunter’ before running off.
Beat the Clock Match #3
Triple H vs. Cody Rhodes
Triple H isn’t really selling the leg attack too much. He grabbed a side headlock take down before Cody was able to back him into the corner and hit some right hands. They had a criss cross before Triple H was able to hit a running knee before slapping on a side headlock.
Cody was able to fight out of the hold and go after Triple H’s leg, draping it around the post and slamming it off. Triple H tried to fight for some space. Rhodes went to work on the leg, trying to find different ways to bend and stretch the leg. After running through about four or five holds, they moved into the home stretch with Triple H shoving Cody into the ring post.
Cody rebounded back and Triple H went for a pedigree, but Dibiase showed up on the ring apron and distracted Triple H. It held off Triple H from hitting the pedigree just long enough for time to expire.
Triple H fails to beat the block
Shaq, Santino and Cryme Tyme are in the back. Santino gives us a little rap before Cryme Tyme and Shaq get psyched up for their match.
Chavo is Blind folded
Chavo Guerrero vs. Hornswoggle
Chavo has a hood over his head. Chavo threw himself out of the ring and even tried to fight the official. Hornswoggle hit a bulldog and then tried to mug Chavo in the corner. Chavo cheated by looking and hit a double drop kick. Hornswoggle laid down to trick Chavo into thinking he could hit the frog splash. He went to the top and Hornswoggle followed him out and then let him whiff. He then went to the top himself and hit a tadpole splash for the win.
Winner: Hornswoggle via pin fall
Jack Swagger came back to get in Randy Orton’s face. He said good news was Triple H didn’t beat the clock. Bad news was that he would. Once he walked off, Mark Henry walked in all smiles before staring.
Beat the Clock #4
Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne
Swagger tried to shoot on Bourne, who was able to use his speed to initially, stay away from being taken down. He was able to land on his feet on at throw and hit a nice kick and hurricanranna. Swagger hit a lunging right hand and a clubbing blow or two to the back of Bourne before gathering him and connecting with a wheel barrel suplex.
Swagger hooked the legs only for Bourne to kick out. Swagger slapped on a top wrist lock, but Bourne fought out. Swagger cut him off with a big boot and went for the Oklahoma Stampede only for Bourne to drop kick him into the corner. Bourne went to the top rope, only to get cut off again and launched across the ring hard into the corner and flat backed with Vader bomb.
Swagger looked for the doctor bomb, and got Bourne up, only for Bourne to roll him up.
Winner: Evan Bourne via pin fall
Todd Grisham is with Triple H. Triple H said Randy Orton was nothing without Rhodes & Dibiase. He said the tail was wagging the dog. He said if he clips the tail, the Dog will die. He challenged Rhodes and Dibiase to a handicapped match next week against him.
Randy Orton is at ringside for the match.
John Cena vs. The Miz
The Miz immediately bolted to the floor before realizing he had to get into the ring. Cena hit a ton of lefts and rights before whipping him to the ropes. Miz hit the mat and rolled to the outside before Cena ran around the ring and cut him off.
Miz fought back with lefts and rights. He tossed Cena to the corner post and hit a back suplex for a two count. Miz kept up the pressure and ended up tossing Cena to the outside. Miz pursued Cena to the outside and tossed him into the ring steps as the official began the count. Cena barely made it into the ring before Miz tied him up in the ropes. Cena broke free though and caught Miz in an STFU for the win.
Winner: John Cena via submission
Cena and Orton stared each other down after the match.
Special Guest Enforcer: Shaq
Big Show & Chris Jericho vs. Cryme Tyme
JTG backed Jericho into the corner before they locked up in the middle of the ring. Jericho grabbed a headlock before being tossed into the ropes and connecting with a shoulder block. The two criss-crossed before JTG hit a hip toss and a kick to the gut followed by a leg drop to the back of the head.
JTG backed up Jericho with right hands before hitting a face buster out of the corner for a one count. Jericho hit a cheap shot before tagging in Big Show who landed a series of big rights to JTG’s mid section. Show slapped on a side headlock as Shaq cheered on JTG.
Show hit a big pan handle chop on the ropes before mocking Shaq and slapping on a full nelson. Show tossed JTG aside like a baby before mocking Shaq some more. JTG tried fighting back but ate a huge spear that sent him rolling to the outside.
Show brought him back into the ring with one hand and laid him out on the mat before chucking him into the corner and tagging in Jericho. Jericho entered the ring and mocked the baby faces some before JTG tried mounting another comeback. Jericho hit a spine buster for a two count before moving into a rear chin lock.
JTG hit a sling blade before crawling to the corner and tagging Shaad. Shaad hit a bunch of clotheslines before hitting a big military press and dropping Jericho hard to the mat. Gaspar looked for an STO, but Jericho fought out only for Shaq to trip him up. Shaad looked for a power slam but Jericho escaped and charged him only to get hit in a double team that Big Show broke up.
Show went nuts cleaning house and the referee disqualified him.
Winners: Double disqualification
Show went for a double choke slam before inviting Shaq into the ring. Shaq tore off his referee jersey and the two stared each other down. The two shoved each other before Show grabbed his throat. Shaq returned the favor. The two struggled to out do the other before Cryme Tyme kicked Show in the legs. Shaq hit a big shoulder block that flat backed Show and he rolled out of the ring. Shaq and Cryme Tyme celebrated in the ring together as we went off the air.
Show Thoughts– Somehow, WWE Raw looks more and more like Jim Henson’s Muppet Show every single week.
I loved the Muppet Show. The Guest host stuff is fun because it offers them a lot of different opportunities to showcase their mid card guys that wouldn’t otherwise get much time. Santino Marella has turned into a neo-Gonzo, songs and all, while Hornswoggle reminds you a little bit of Animal. Either way, the banter with the celebrity hosts has been fun. This week it was Cryme Tyme getting the, uh.. time…. in a main event situation. Can’t really complain too much with anything Shaq did tonight, even the fun big man choke fest.
Over the years I’ve grown to really enjoy the beat the clock gimmick. You’re guaranteed to get a stinker, but we always get a fun surprise as well. Some years, we get that fun surprise coupled with a really good match. This year, we ended up somewhere in the middle. The beauty of this is that it enables them to work a time limit in and allows the WWE to let these kids let it hang out while also protecting them. Perfect case in point was the MVP-Masters match tonight, where they kept both looking pretty strong.
Mark Henry’s match this week was fun, albeit a little awkward. I’m not a big fan of the booking, largely because Carlito is a guy who the WWE seemingly really wants to protect. Compared to Jericho, Rhodes and Orton in the past few weeks, Carlito got a ton of offense in and I still haven’t made up my mind whether that’s something that ‘is good for Carlito’ or ‘is bad for Henry’. Either way, I think they gave Carlito a little too much offense here, and tried to work a really condensed squash match over a span of 7 minutes. The vibe felt weird. The stuff they did was fine, but it was pretty clear they couldn’t settle on pacing.
Swagger-Bourne was probably the match of the night. Bourne’s such a great face in peril its almost absurd at this point in his career. Swagger’s offense is coming along really nicely and he’s beginning to develop a solid formula in his matches, with protracted mat work in the early going before opening up some fun spots. He regularly uses the Vader Bomb, Oklahoma Stampede and other big slam moves, all of which lend themselves to a smaller guy like Bourne being able to counter. This is just a really fantastic match up. The finish was such that Bourne looked good while they protected the heck out of Swagger, and he lost clean even. I’d like to see more of these two in the ring together.
I’m not a big fan of MVP these days. After getting a real good look at him on Raw, there’s nothing about him that really makes him stand out much. I think he’s kind of boring in the ring. The mic and character work is good, but its obvious this guy is a ways away from really being able to move into a main event scene on either show. I love the gimmick, I think he’s got the charisma to do it, but he struggles to put much together with even capable opponents it seems. He’s still learning how to work as a baby face.
Chris Masters on the other hand, looked OK. He seems to be in good shape, and bringing him in the way they did was refreshing for me. Usually, they over-hype debuts and returns and often just set up those stars to be failures as victims of high expectations. Here, it was simple, solid and effective.
The bad stuff came in the form of the main eventers, Triple H and John Cena. Both were pretty bad tonight. Triple H’s no-selling of the attack earlier and then subsequent ‘full of fight’ deal with Cody while he smashed his leg up was beyond irritating. Again, Triple H might be the most consistently inconsistent guy on the roster. He’s had a reputation for being solid, if unspectacular in the past, but these days, I find him very hit and miss. The Cena-Miz match wasn’t so much Cena’s fault or the Miz’s fault. It was just a sucky, rushed match that I don’t think did much for Cena, the competition or Miz. At least we get Cena-Orton out of this for Summerslam.
All in all, this was a solid show. We got some fun comedy with Shaq and his Muppets while getting some fun wrestling out of the rest of the card. Another solid episode of Raw.
Overall Grade: B
Mark Henry def. Carlito
Mickie James, Kelly Kelly & Gail Kim def. Beth Phoenix, Alicia Fox & Rosa Mendes
Chris Master vs MVP ended in a double count out
Kofi Kingston def. Brian Kendrick
Triple H vs Cody Rhodes went to a time-limit Draw
Hornswoggle def. Chavo Guerrero in a Blind Fold Match
Evan Bourne def. Jack Swagger
John Cena def. The Miz
Cryme Tyme def. Big Show & Chris Jericho
Who’s Hot, Who’s Not?
1. Triple H
2. John Cena
4. Mark Henry
1. Chris Jericho
2. Big Show
3. Randy Orton
4. The Miz
Match of the Night: Jack Swagger vs. Evan Bourne **1/2
4 Points= World Title defense/win
3 Points= Singles PPV Win
2 Points= Tag PPV Win
2 Points= TV Singles Win
1 Point= TV Tag Win
0 Points= Loss
WWE Champion: Randy Orton 11-9-5, 29 pts. (Last Week: WWE Champion)— A big win last night catapults him into a feud with Cena for Summerslam. They were quiet in the build tonight, and I’m hoping they really have something fun in store. These two have ridiculous chemistry together. It’ll be a strong main event for Summerslam.
United States Champion: Kofi Kingston 15-4-1, 27 points (Last Week: US Champion)— Easy squash win for Kofi. I’d like to see them put him in some sort of program for the upcoming pay per view. He seems to have found his bearings in the ring a bit, and a month long program would be a good way to more or less test where he’s at right now.
1. John Cena 17-10-3, 38 points. (Last Week: 1)– Not a fan at all of the match he had with Miz tonight. If they were going to go for a squash the way they did, it’d have been smarter to go with someone a little further down the card or a little more vulnerable. Cena just seemed like he was in auto pilot tonight. I’ve really enjoyed his work this year, but tonight wasn’t one of his better nights.
2. Triple H 4-5-3, 6 Points (Last Week: 2)–Really odd performance from him tonight. He no sells the leg assault, then finally picks it up a bit as they progress in the match. Just kind of strange from a guy whose usually pretty solid with this stuff.
3. Big Show 5-7-1, 9 Points (Last Week: 3)–The team with Jericho has given him some new life it seems. New life that was badly needed. Jericho as his pipsqueak ally should work out.
4. Mark Henry, 5-0, 10 Points (Last Week: 4)— Strange match with Carlito tonight. There wasn’t much smooth about it, but it wasn’t like it was actively bad or anything. It was actually OK. Just seemed like they had some communication snafus. Other than though, Henry maintains his momentum.
5. Cody Rhodes 9-9-3, 12 points (Last Week: 6)— Hard to believe he was the better half in the match against Triple H tonight. His ring work is finally starting to come around on a more consistent basis. Keep an eye on these two, they’re looking pretty good.
6. Ted Dibiase, Jr. 8-7-3, 9 Points (Last Week: 7)–See Rhodes.
7. The Miz 2-6-2, 3 Points (Last Week: 5)— Another guy whose struggling to find his legs. Creative seems to want to use him, but they don’t seem willing to really push him yet. We’ll see what the next month brings for him.
8.) Evan Bourne, 2-2, 4 Points (Last Week: 9)— This kid as an absolutely sensational face in peril already. I’m glad to see they’re using him on a more frequent basis. I expect him to boost himself up into solid mid card status in the coming month or two.
9. MVP 5-6-2, 8 Points (Last Week: 8)– MVP’s more or less in free fall right now. His matches have been bland and the promo time has completely faded. With the mid card receiving a big boost thanks to the Trump Trade, he’s going to have to step up his game in a big way to get back on track.
10.) Jack Swagger, 1-4, 2 Points (Last Week: 10) — Swagger was in the best match of the night and despite losing, looked good in defeat. All the tools are there, he’ll just need some wins to get some steam behind a possible push.
Batista 8-4, 16 Points (Last Week: NR)
Chris Masters 0-0-1, 0 Points (Last Week: NR)
Santino Marella 4-2, 9 points (Last Week: NR)
Shawn Michaels 6-3, 10 pts. (Last Week: NR)
Carlito Colon 4-7-1, 5 Points (Last Week: NR)
Primo Colon 4-7-1, 4 Points (Last Week: NR)
Brian Kendrick 1-6-0, 2 Points (Last Week: NR)
Hornswaggle 4-0-0, 7 Points (Last Week: NR)
Jerry Lawler 1-0, 1 points (Last Week: NR)
Festus 1-1-0, 1 Points (Last Week: NR)
Chavo Guererro 1-8-0, 1 Points (Last Week: NR)
Jamie Noble 0-3, 0 Points (Last Week: NR)
Jim Duggan 0-0, 0 points (Last Week: NR)
Matt Hardy 3-8-0, 4 Points (Last Week: TRADED TO SMACKDOWN)
William Regal, 3-10, 4 points (Last Week: TRADED TO ECW )
Goldust 2-1-0, 2 Points (Last Week: TRADED TO ECW)
Kane 7-7, 12 Points DRAFTED TO SMACKDOWN
Mike Knox 3-3 4 points (Last Week: DRAFTED TO SMACKDOWN)
JTG 2-4, 2 points (Last Week: DRAFTED TO SMACKDOWN)
Big Shaad 2-3 2 points (Last Week: DRAFTED TO SMACKDOWN)
Charlie Haas 0-0, 0 points (Last Week: DRAFTED TO SMACKDOWN)
Dolph Ziggler 0-3, 0 Points (Last Week: DRAFTED TO SMACKDOWN)
CM Punk 9-7, 17 Points DRAFTED TO SMACKDOWN
Rey Mysterio 11-6, 22 Points DRAFTED TO SMACKDOWN
Chris Jericho 6-7 13 pts. DRAFTED TO SMACKDOWN
JBL 1-6, 4 points (Last Week: 7) RETIRED
Mr. Kennedy 1-0-0, 1 Points (Last Week: RELEASED)
Sim Snuka 1-0, 1 Point (Last Week: RELEASED)