“Yes sir, we promised you a great main event…” The WWE video leads us into the show.
They show footage from this past Monday’s Raw where Vince McMahon gave John Laurinaitis a job evaluation. Big Show and John Cena wound up getting into a confrontation that resulted in McMahon getting knocked out with the WMD.
The Smackdown video plays, and we’re brought into the arena with a big fireworks display. Tonight, we’ll have an update on Mr. McMahon’s condition. Josh Mathews, Michael Cole, and Booker T welcome us to the show.
AJ’s music hits, and she makes her way to the ring. They show footage from Raw where she skipped around Kane, jumped into his arms, and passionately kissed him. AJ stands in the ring smiling. She says she wanted to say something before the show started. There is a very simple reason for why she kissed Kane this past Monday. She did it because…
EXCUSE ME! Vickie Guerrero comes out to the stage to massive boos. Vickie says AJ isn’t the star tonight. No one is talking about her kissing Kane. No one is talking about Big Show punching Mr. McMahon. Everyone IS talking about the winner of the fatal four-way match to determine the number one contender for the World Heavyweight Championship. They’re talking about the Show Off, Dolph Ziggler. Ziggler comes out to the stage and walks to the ring with Vickie. Ziggler says two weeks ago after a pointless tag team match with Jack Swagger on Raw, he told the world what they already knew. He’s better than this. Monday Night on Raw, he went out and did what he does better than anyone else, and he proved it. Ziggler gets in the ring and says to AJ that he’s about to become the next World Heavyweight Champion. He’s not going to let some 95-pound, whacked out, hair-brained, disgruntled Hot Topic employee steal his spotlight.
AJ says she stopped listening halfway through, but she assumes she should be offended. Clearly the bleach in his hair has seeped its way into his brain, but clearly he’s delusional if he thinks he’s going to be a World Champion. Him and his grandma! Vickie slaps her in the face and screams at her to never talk to them like that again. Vickie tells her to get out of Dolph’s ring or she’ll throw her out. AJ smiles sadistically at her.
CM Punk’s music hits, and he makes his way to the ring. AJ smiles as he enters the ring. Punk says he’s no authority on the English language, but he’s pretty sure all the screeching Vickie was doing was her saying, “Excuse me.” He’s pretty sure that just because she says it they don’t have to do it. There isn’t an excuse in the world to justify having to listen to her. She’s a broken record. She comes out touting Dolph Ziggler, and he doesn’t come through. Punk remembers her saying Ziggler would beat him for the WWE Championship in January. It’s the same song and dance every week with them. It’ll be the same this Sunday at No Way Out against Sheamus and it’ll be the same tonight against himself and Sheamus. If he’s the “Voice of the Voiceless” than she’s the “Voice of the Pointless.”
Daniel Bryan’s music hits, and he walks to the ring. AJ looks disturbed by his appearance. Bryan says this is priceless. Punk is AJ’s knight in shining armor. She was making out with Kane on Monday, and now he’s saving her on Friday. Bryan sarcastically calls him a hero. Bryan says she probably told him that she kissed Kane to save him from the monster, but that isn’t true. She’s got Punk wrapped around her little finger, and he doesn’t even realize it. The great thing about learning from his mistakes is watching Punk and Kane make the exact same mistakes for the first time. That mistake is AJ. AJ cost him the World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania, and if she’s in Punk’s corner at No Way Out, her bad luck will help him become the new WWE Champion! Yes! Yes!
Sheamus’ music hits, and the WWE World Heavyweight Champion makes his way to the ring. Sheamus asks if Bryan really believes AJ cost him the title. Sheamus wonders how many times we have to prove that it isn’t true. Bryan talks out of his arse so much that he doesn’t know what end to look at when he’s talking. As for Ziggler, he admits that he put out an impressive performance on Monday. That was just one night and now he’s talking about how he’ll be the new World Heavyweight Champion. All Alberto Del Rio’s injury has done is give him the opportunity to beat Ziggler once again. This match isn’t supposed to happen until later, but he’s ready, Punk’s ready, and the crowd is ready. Sheamus calls for a referee to come to the ring and start the main event right now.
AJ says if that’s the case, she just has a little “old” business to take care of. AJ charges Vickie, but Punk quickly scoops her up to hold her back. AJ flails about in his arms as Vickie screams at her. This big tag team match starts next.
CM Punk and Sheamus w/ AJ vs. Dolph Ziggler and Daniel Bryan w/ Vickie Guerrero
Sheamus will start the match out against Daniel Bryan. They lock up, and Sheamus applies a side headlock. Bryan whips him off, and Sheamus shoulder blocks him down. They go into the ropes, and Sheamus catches Bryan trying to leapfrog. Sheamus turns it into a rolling fireman’s carry for a two count. CM Punk is tagged in, and he comes off the top rope with an elbow to Bryan’s arm. Punk wrenches the arm and throws Bryan into the turnbuckle. Punk whips him into the corner and runs into the boots. Dolph Ziggler is tagged in, and Punk catches him charging with a drop-toe-hold. Punk quickly gets a one count for that. Sheamus tags in, and Punk whips Ziggler into a slingshot shoulder block. Sheamus picks up a one count for that.
Sheamus twists the arm and clubs away at it. Sheamus gives him a body slam, and Punk tags in, hitting a slingshot senton for a two count. Punk hits a beautiful delayed vertical suplex for a two count. Sheamus tags back in, and he punches Ziggler as Punk held him. Ziggler ducks a short-arm clothesline and desperately tags in Bryan. Bryan punches and kicks Sheamus before having a whip reversed. Sheamus takes him down with a back elbow and clubs him down. Ziggler distracts him, and Bryan hits a running dropkick. Bryan kicks away at him, and Ziggler tags in. Ziggler viciously punches Sheamus down in the corner. Bryan chokes Sheamus as the referee yells at Ziggler. Ziggler hits a nice elbow drop for a one count. Bryan tags back in, and he hits an uppercut. Bryan goes into the ropes, and Sheamus catches him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.
Punk is tagged in, and he hits a springboard clothesline. Punk follows up with a jumping calf kick, a clothesline, and a swinging neckbreaker for a near fall. Punk sends him to the corner, and Bryan catches him with a backdrop to the apron. Punk shoulders Bryan back, and Ziggler distracts Punk. Bryan quickly dropkicks Punk in the knee, gets on the apron, and hits a flying knee. Bryan taunts the crowd as we go to commercial.
We come back from the break to see Punk trapped in Bryan’s abdominal stretch. Punk fights up and out of it. Bryan quickly catches him with a knee to the midsection, and he tags Ziggler in. Ziggler stomps him before tagging Bryan back in. Bryan kicks Punk in the chest a few times before hitting a snap double-arm suplex. Bryan goes to the top rope, screams “Yes,” and misses a diving head-butt.
Sheamus and Ziggler are tagged in. Sheamus hammers him down a few times, shoulders him in the midsection, and hits a high knee lift. Sheamus hits the Irish Curse, but Bryan breaks up the pinfall. Punk throws Bryan out of the ring and goes for a baseball slide, but Bryan sidesteps him. Bryan throws him into the barricade. Ziggler ducks a hammer and goes for the leg drop bulldog, but Sheamus catches him with White Noise. Sheamus knocks Bryan off the apron and waits for Ziggler to get up. Vickie gets on the apron for the distraction, and AJ pushes her into the ring. Sheamus yells at Vickie, and Ziggler rolls him up while clutching the tights for the win!
Winners by Pinfall: Dolph Ziggler and Daniel Bryan
Match Rating: ** 1/4
Sheamus angrily chases Ziggler through the crowd and to the back. In the ring, Vickie argues with AJ. Vickie pushes her, and AJ coldly looks at her before smiling and taking her down. AJ bounces Vickie off the mat before she escapes the ring. AJ slides out of the ring and there’s a big streak of fake tan left of the mat. Vickie kicks her into the apron, and AJ goes down in pain. Vickie runs to the back as AJ writhes in pain.
All of a sudden, Kane’s pyro explodes on the stage, and he walks down to ringside. Kane stands over before lifting her up and carrying her to the back. AJ looks confused as this is going on. Punk attacks Kane from behind, and he drops AJ. They brawl back down to the ring, and Bryan attacks Punk as he gets in the ring. Kane Chokeslams Bryan and Punk before looking at AJ. AJ looks like she’s going to cry and drops to her knees on stage. She then starts laughing, and the commentators don’t know what to make of that.
John Laurinaitis and Big Show will address the Vince McMahon issue later in the show. Did Big Show do it on purpose or was it an accident?
Brodus Clay will take on David Otunga this Sunday on the YouTube preshow at 7:30 ET.
Brodus Clay and the Funkadactyls come to the ring. They show a replay of Big Show destroying Brodus Clay on Raw a few weeks ago. This got Brodus banned from Raw in an effort to protect him from the Big Show. Brodus watches the footage and says it’s time for some real talk after they just got funky. John Laurinaitis has banned him from Monday Night Raw. He also said if he gets anywhere near his prized possession, then he would be fired on the spot. Brodus is confident that John Cena will take care of Big Show at No Way Out. Brodus wants competition. Laurinaitis said before the night is through that Brodus would be on his back. Brodus wants to know who it is. It’s Heath Slater.
Brodus Clay w/ The Funkadactyls vs. Heath Slater
Brodus immediately takes him down with a running head-butt, sends him to the corner, and splashes him. Brodus hits a she-plex and follows up with a running splash for the win.
Winner by Pinfall: Brodus Clay
Match Rating: N/A
Brodus Clay celebrates in the ring before David Otunga takes him out with a chop block. Brodus grabs his knee and screams in pain. Otunga kicks away at the injured limb and DDTs it. Otunga yanks at it before dragging him to the apron and snapping it off there. Otunga stomps it before yanking on it some more. The Funkadactyls look on helplessly as Otunga stands over Brodus. Otunga leaves the ring as they show replays of what just happened. Referees and trainers come to the ring to check on Brodus’ leg.
Beth Phoenix and Alicia Fox are in the ring as we come back from commercial. Layla, the Diva’s Champion, is on commentary.
Beth Phoenix vs. Alicia Fox
Beth kicks her and throws her to the corner. Beth whips her across, and Alicia hits a springboard back elbow. Alicia goes for a flipping leg drop, but Beth avoids it. Alicia rolls her up for a two count. Beth catches her with a backbreaker and follows up with the Glam Slam for the win.
Winner by Pinfall: Beth Phoenix
Match Rating: N/A
John Laurinaitis and Big Show will explain what happened with Vince McMahon on Raw.
John Laurinaitis and The Big Show address Mr. McMahon
Lillian Garcia asks the crowd to welcome John Laurinaitis. Laurinaitis hobbles out to the stage with a crutch. He introduces himself and mentions that he’s the Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and the General Manager of both Raw and Smackdown. Even though he apologized man-to-man Tuesday morning, he feels like he has to make a public apology. Laurinaitis apologizes to McMahon and says it was a mistake. Considering Vince’s age, his professional advice is to stay away from Big Show. Laurinaitis then rolls a video of what will happen if you don’t. They play a video of the job evaluation from Raw. It ended with John Cena and Big Show brawling, which led to McMahon getting knocked out with a WMD. McMahon was about to fire Laurinaitis.
Laurinaitis is in the ring now. He says he willingly put his job on the line at WrestleMania, and Team Johnny was victorious. At Over The Limit, his job was in jeopardy, and he beat John Cena. At No Way Out, his job is again on the line, but he put his fate in this man – the most destructive force in WWE history, the Big Show.
Big Show makes his way to the ring, and he says he has no reason to lie about whether he punched Vince on purpose or not. If he came out and said he did it on purpose, he’d probably get fired, but he’d still get paid millions of dollars to stay at home and do nothing. Since he has no reason to lie, he’ll tell us the truth. Even when he was in WCW, he wasn’t allowed to reach his fullest potential because he wasn’t allowed to outshine the faces of the company like Hulk Hogan, Sting, and Ric Flair.
When the chance came and he became a free agent, everyone gave him advice. They said he should go to WWE so Vince McMahon could be a star. McMahon said he needs to be a better businessman and learn to put on a show. “Your name isn’t Paul Wight – it’s the Big Show.” For fourteen years, he did things Vince’s way. Meanwhile, guys like John Cena, CM Punk, Randy Orton, and Sheamus rose to the top as he stood on the sidelines pretending to be happy about being a special attraction. He even tried it Cena’s way. For ten years, he smiled, cracked jokes, and slapped high fives. He is proud that he is not John Cena. In the Steel Cage, he’s going to make up for lost time. He’ll show the world what he’s capable of, and he’s not going to be burdened by what the people think anymore. Unlike what he did to Vince McMahon, what he’ll do to John Cena will be extremely deliberate, calculated, and uncomfortable. The crowd chants “sell out.” He says he’ll make John Cena suffer. For fourteen years he’s been in WWE, and he’s looking at this Sunday as his first match, and he will be victorious. He guarantees it.
Michael Cole gets on the microphone and begs Laurinaitis to wait. Cole says he has on good authority that John Cena has left his home in West Newberry, Massachusetts, and he promises that he’ll be on Smackdown before the end of the show tonight. Big Show gets in the ring, and he says if Cena is coming to look for him, he won’t be hard to find. He’ll be right here.
They show some footage of Christian winning the People Power Battle Royal to get a shot at either the United States or Intercontinental Championship at Over The Limit. Christian originally chose the United States Title, but then changed his mind. Christian beat Cody Rhodes for the title.
Christian vs. Jack Swagger w/ Vickie Guerrero
They circle the ring, and Christian gets a waistlock applied. Swagger quickly gets out and pushes Christian to the corner. Swagger shoulders him in the midsection, whips him to the other corner, and runs into a pendulum kick. Christian pulls the top rope down as Swagger charges, and he flies over the top. Christian argues with Vickie, and he turns into a clothesline from Swagger. Swagger throws him into the ring for a two count. Swagger hits a slam and drops a leg for a one count. Swagger runs around the ring before missing a leg drop. Christian signals for the end. Christian punches, hits the ropes, and hits a running forearm. Christian slingshots over the top and uppercuts him. Christian goes for a Spear, but Swagger sidesteps him and applies an Ankle Lock. Christian rolls out and hits a second rope diving elbow. Christian goes for the Kill Switch, but Swagger throws him to the apron. Christian goes to the top, but Swagger cuts him off. Christian pushes him off before hitting the Frog Splash for the win.
Winner by Pinfall: Christian
Match Rating: 3/4 *
John Cena will call the Big Show out before the end of tonight’s show.
JOBBER ALERTS: Local jobbers, Ari Cohen and Mike Testa are in the ring with no TV entrance. They say they know what everyone is thinking. The crowd thinks they’re a joke, but they’re no joke. This is a joke. “Knock, knock. Who’s there? The end of. The end of who? The end of Ryback.” “Why did the chicken cross the road? To dominate Ryback!” Ryback’s music hits as they get to a “two guys in a bar” joke.
Ari Cohen and Mike Testa vs. Ryback
They surround Ryback and one jumps on his back. Ryback throws him out of the ring, gets the other on his shoulders, and Ryback spins him before powerbombing him down. Ryback hits a fall-away slam into the other guy. Ryback puts them both in the corner before hitting a splash. Ryback drops them both with a pair of lariats. Ryback hits a double fisherman’s suplex bomb for the win.
Winner by Pinfall: Ryback
Match Rating: N/A
John Cena is driving to the arena, and he promises to call out the Big Show before the end of tonight’s show.
JOBBER ALERT: Tyson Kidd is in the ring with no TV entrance. They show footage of him saving Hornswoggle from Damien Sandow only to be annihilated by Sandow.
Tyson Kidd vs. Damien Sandow
Sandow cuts a promo on Kidd before the match. Sandow begs the audience’s indulgence for a moment. He introduces himself and says he’s here to help. Last week on this very serial, he was compelled to resort to physical means to liberate our falsely anointed idol from the shackles of his own self-imposed inadequacy. Sandow asks that they remain silent as he speaks. Sadly, before he could impart his lesson, he was accosted from behind by the ignoramus that stands before him. This said ignoramus will now learn the consequences of undermining not only his enlightenment, but the enlightenment of us all. “You’re welcome.”
They lock up, and Sandow immediately knees him. Sandow hits a side leg sweep before hitting an elbow drop for a one count. They’re calling it the Elbow of Disdain. Kidd rolls to the apron and kicks him in the head. Kidd hits a nice moonsault block for a two count. Kidd goes for a Sharpshooter, but Sandow kicks him off. Sandow hits some vicious knees before hitting a double arm neckbreaker for the win. Sandow does a cartwheel after the victory.
Winner by Pinfall: Damien Sandow
Match Rating: N/A
They show Michael Cole’s favorite Raw moment. It’s the night that Cole was knighted on Raw. He kissed a fake Queen Elizabeth on the lips. He’s still Sir Michael Cole. He also made Jim Ross kiss his feet. Ross was forced to kiss his foot, which had fungus all over it. Anything to insult JR.
They show how Dolph Ziggler pinned Sheamus after a distraction from Vickie Guerrero and AJ. They then go over the card for No Way Out this Sunday.
John Cena is seen walking backstage. He stands outside John Laurinaitis’ office before kicking the door down. Laurinaitis and Big Show are not inside.
John Cena calls out The Big Show
John Cena comes out to a massive round of applause. Cena says he wasn’t supposed to be here, but he got a call from a friend who told him that Big Show called him out. Cena is never one to disappoint, so here he is. He doesn’t want the big lug to think he was hiding. He knows Big Show is stupid, but in case he’s half blind, he’s the guy standing in the ring covered in green wearing jorts that went out in 1990. He’s not hiding, but he’s been looking for Big Show for a while. Cena wonders how you hide a 7-foot, 500-pound sellout like the Big Show.
John Laurinaitis’ music hits, and he comes to the ring looking none too pleased. Laurinaitis says Big Show isn’t coming out. What happened to Mr. McMahon was all Cena’s fault and now the Board of Directors has issued an edict that the Steel Cage match will happen no matter what. In order to protect Cena and in the name of People Power, he sent Big Show home. Cena says that’s unfortunate because he didn’t come all this way just to talk. He figured one of two things would happen. Either he knocks out Big Show or Big Show knocks him out. Since Big Show was sent home, in the chain of command of who gets knocked out, Laurinaitis just took number one. Laurinaitis reminds him who he is and warns him that he’ll fire him if he lays a hand on him. Cena says he can’t be fired because the Steel Cage match has to happen no matter what. Laurinaitis just said that.
Cena goes to punch him, but Laurinaitis says he isn’t scared. He’s embarrassed Cena before. He beat him at Over The Limit, and he has no issues with embarrassing him again in front of his family and people. Cena says what’s embarrassing is Laurinaitis. He’s embarrassed that Laurinaitis is his boss. Laurinaitis’ greatest asset is being the world’s largest ass kisser. All that changes on Sunday. He bet it all on the Big Show, and if he loses then he is fired. If he’s gone, then he can’t fire him, which means he can knock him out. Laurinaitis tells him to stop. If Cena does what he wants to do and Big Show wins on Sunday, then the first thing he will do on Monday is fire John Cena!
Cena says he always has an ace up his sleeve. Cena reiterates that at No Way Out, somebody gets fired. Cena then punches Laurinaitis in the face, and he goes down like a ton of bricks! Cena shakes feeling into his hand before leaving the ring.
Quick Match Results
Dolph Ziggler and Daniel Bryan def. CM Punk and Sheamus
Brodus Clay def. Heath Slater
Beth Phoenix def. Alicia Fox
Christian def. Jack Swagger (non-title)
Ryback def. Ari Cohen and Mike Testa
Damien Sandow def. Tyson Kidd
Bump of the Night: Swagger clotheslining Christian on the outside
Match of the Night: Ziggler and Bryan vs. Punk and Sheamus ** 1/4
Mike’s Thoughts will be available later today…