Hello my students. Please have your notebooks ready and keep your eyes on the computer screen!! It is great to be back on WrestleView for another week and I have come across some new classroom rules for all of my scholars to pay attention. Also in this week’s column, I welcome Ring of Honor into my column and I will give you my take on the Ring of Honor on HDNet TV show that occurred last weekend. Finally, as usual, I will give you the ?Honor Roll? for the week, the worst match (guess what that is..), Gold Stars, and finally the weekly commentator report card. I hope all of you are paying attention. For those that do misbehave, I will grab out the yardstick and smack you over the head with it. Well, actually, in Pennsylvania we are not allowed to do that, but since I am online, pretend that I am actually doing this action. To my readers, I welcome you back. To the new readers out there, I give you my greetings and I hope you enjoy.
19) No man should wrestle in a Diva Battle Royal
So here I am, on my couch watching the ?Longest Reigning Television Show in US History? (darn you Michael Cole) Monday Night Raw and I was really impressed with the show in general last Monday (March 23). The only thing I did not like out of the whole show is looking at Santino Marella. I don?t know what your gimmick is, a man should never go on live TV and say that he will be ?Miss WrestleMania!?. From a fellow Italian man, I had no choice but to grab the chalkboard eraser and hurl it at my TV set. I was so disappointed that the WWE creative team would approve of this travesty. I know Santino is not that great of a wrestler and only has a job in the WWE because of his stereotype Italian gimmick, but still. This was the worst thing that a pro wrestling company can do to a man. Now I am not disrespecting the Divas and the fans that watch the women wrestlers, I got a ton of respect for all of them for having to prove themselves in the ring every week. I thought Mickie James put on a great performance against Santino. I guess what I am saying is that ?Rapping? Santino was hilarious. The ?Casa? Santino are classic segments. But the Santino who is trying to defeat women just to be in a Diva Battle Royal is downright embarrassing. Here is hoping that the creative team finds something for Santino Marella, or else everywhere he goes he will not be the man f romthe Milan Miracle, but the man who is losing to women every week. Remember Harvey Whippleman, students? Did you know him as a manager to Big Bully Busick, or as a guy that won the ?Women’s Title?? My opinion class, and write this down. The divas in the WWE deserve better and Santino deserves better.
20) Don?t be that 30-year-old wrestling fan that shoves a kid just to shake hands with the babyface wrestlers.
If you are a student of mine (young and old), you would never do this. I would not allow you. If you, the student ever shoved somebody in violation of rule #20, I want to write on a piece of paper ?I will behave at a wrestling show? 100, make that 1,000 times. I?m serious, and don?t type it 1,000 times, I want it handwritten, smarty pants! Ok, back to my point. We all know who these people are, and I have seen it on TV a few times. It disturbs me as a fan to see ?a select few? how messed up these people are. I am a man who, if given an opportunity to catch a foul ball at a baseball game (without a glove, man up!), if my daughter is with me or if I am with a group of friends and see a little child a row ahead of me, I would present the ball to the child. The ball means nothing to me, but seeing a child with a smile on their face is the highlight of my event. It is the right thing to do, students. You would make that kid’s day. So when you are at a show, whether it be ROH, TNA, or any of the three WWE shows, please remember this. If a kid is a few seats away f rom you and is reaching out to a Rey Mysterio (the kids love this guy) type wrestler, it is ok to let the kid reach his hand out without interference f rom a 30-year-old mark. It is a class act and millions of fans will notice that. If you one of those fans that break this particular rule, you will never realize how many thousands of people look at you on the TV and say ?That noun is one Adjective or/and Noun .(Mad Lib humor for you). You can fill in the blank on this one, class. I am a teacher and I do not swear in my columns (I hope that does not make all of you think less of me).
There will be more classroom rules next week (probably four of them), but I want to make sure that I have a ton of evidence to back me up on some rumors posted on some various websites that I check out every now and then.
**By the way, to get more people interested in my column, I will going to post a demerit and detention segment based on YOUR e-mails!! If you want to give me a suggestion on whom shall be placed in our weekly Hall of Shame please e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org. This is only for wrestling, class. So no ?Uncle Joe because he beat me up in 7th grade for doing nothing? suggestions. Those will be thrown away and in my Yahoo! trash can. This is for wrestling ONLY for the suggestions. One example will be f rom a fan dealing with Samoa Joe**
Demerits this week are going to be light, because there was some good wrestling this past week. I am going to issue out demerits to Scott Steiner (think the bad guy f rom Scream), WWE Creative, Consequences Creed, Mr. V (forgot to point out the Test/Stacy alliance), and the ODB/Cody storyline.
Detention goes to the following (detention goes for one week in this classroom)
Fans that shove kids to ?be a part of the wrestling atmosphere? – See Rule #20
Vince McMahon – for starting to act like a senile old man and giving everyone the run-around. Keep it up, Mr. McMahon, and you too will be in eternal detention.
TNA Creative – find a way to bring back the ?Fallen Angel? gimmick once again. I have to say that Christopher Daniels was a HUGE reason to enjoy TNA programming.
WWE and TNA – for not acknowledging Andrew ?Test? Martin for just 10 seconds on any of your shows. Remember, he did work for you and gave it his best. He at least deserved that. Steroids or not in this case, he deserved to be remembered for his hard work. I still share my condolences to Mr. Martin’s family and friends. (Detention courtesy of e-mailer Mike Fox.)
Samoa Joe – for terrible ring attire, getting more overweight, wielding a machete in a WRESTLING program, and for the phrase ?Nation of Violence?. (Detention courtesy of e-mailer Pat Lorang.)
Santino Marella – at lease we got a class clown in detention now, and an untalented one at that. (Ricky, you are too good of a friend and more talented to be listed with this guy).
Tazz – only because my ears hurt every time he says ?Ballin!?
The three dum-dums for picking a fight with Chris Jericho – the news is that Jericho will NOT be charged because of some marks? stupidity. Finally, something is right in this world.
ETS and the Praxis Series – I feel bad for all these teachers still for having to pay 150 dollars just to take a two-hour test. That is just not right and will be on this list for as long as I have a column here.
?The Governor? on TNA – now that the Beautiful People did the unthinkable to Daffney, perhaps we will finally see the Screaming Queen in all her glory.
Bernie Madoff – Because he just deserves it.
NFL Rules – They market big hits, but players are no long allowed to dish them out? Perhaps Jericho’s next storyline should be about the NFL executives being a bunch of hypocrites.
MISTER V?S HONOR ROLL FOR THE WEEK OF MARCH 16 – MARCH 22, 2009
I have to say, this week wrestling wise was kind of disappointing. I scouted each match, and no one got an ?A? this week. So I looked down the ?B? list, and found a few. After much thought and analysis, I give you my weekly honor roll.
Distinguished Honors – Motor City Machine Guns vs. NO LIMIT on TNA Impact!, 3/19
Though it was quick and had no real storyline to it, this match had a slew of air attacks. I for one liked the flow of this match, even if it lasted a handful of minutes. This was the first time I saw No Limit, so I did not catch their names. However, I was real impressed with their mat skills, their ring presence, and their teamwork. I was real high on the ending of the match, involving the roll up after the huricannranna for the pinfall win by NO LIMIT. The Gun were at their best as usual, and it is a dang shame Alex Shelley had to d rop the X Title to that video game dude that is in a bodysuit and mask (I know it is Christopher Daniels, no e-mails on that please). Shelly and Sabin were outstanding in the ring, executed some good suplexes, and the kicks were a thing of beauty. At least in 2009, these guys have shined so much. I just wish that we can see these two teams involved in more of a storyline. The only problem I had with this match? It was too short of a match. However, there was not one repetitive move and I do at times enjoy seeing that. It was a clean, fun, and entertaining tag team performance that any fan of that kind of wrestling would enjoy.
High Honors – Delirious vs. Jerry Lynn on Ring of Honor on HDNet, 3/21
This was the first time I watch ROH in quite some time and was excited to see them get a TV deal, though I still wonder why HDNet? Anyways, ROH was smart for having the opening match have a guy that has face recognition in Jerry Lynn. I really enjoyed Lynn’s feud with Ron Van Dam back in the old ECW. When I saw this match on paper, I thought it was going to be a good show featuring two very strong talents. When I saw it on the computer, it blew me away. Delirious impressed in his debut on HDNet. He was crazy as always, and showed off some nice offense and counters. Jerry Lynn continues to impress, as he put on a good show for the fans with his TKO, and his patented Cradle Piledriver (still an impressive move). Jerry Lynn still appears to be in pretty good shape given his age. Both performed very well in the small tactics, counters, and some flips and head scissors for good measure. The goal in the opening match is to hook the wrestling viewer for the whole show. I think TNA and ROH did that this week. A nice performance for these two underrated superstars.
Honors – Shelton Benjiman vs. MVP (US Title Match) on Friday Night Smackdown, 3/20
These two Smackdown superstars run a program very well. They both have similar styles and both look good in the ring. As you may know, MVP won the U.S. Title after what appeared to be a longer losing streak than one that my Pittsburgh Pirates are suffering. His ground work was good and that is saying a lot. MVP’s tosses and suplexes were golden. I think his overhead slam is the best in the business, not one wrestler can do it better. I am just so happy that MVP is winning both in the ring and winning championships. He went through a lot, even losing to Kizarny in late December. Shelton continues to look good, even in defeat. He is a true athlete and if the WWE ever released him, perhaps Ring of Honor would be a great fit for him. Shelton makes everyone in the ring look better than with someone else in the locker room. The move for him that impressed me the most was his combination of a suplex and neckbreaker. He counters appear flawless, and he took the pin well. I just wish they can get a program involving him and a main event guy. By the way, as of now, I am considering Shelton Benjiman as my pick for Money in the Bank. I really think it is time to throw Shelton a bone for all the hard work he has done this weekend, anyone agree?
Honorable Mention goes to the following: HBK/Taker vs. JBL/Vlad on 3/16, Christian/MVP vs. Shelton/Henry on 3/17, Noble vs. Bourne on 3/17, HHH vs. Vlad on 3/20, HBK vs. Kane on 3/20, Taker vs. JBL on 3/20, Sami Callihan vs. Kenny King on 3/21, Brent Albright vs. Rhett Titus on 3/21, and Jimmy Jacobs vs. Tyler Black on 3/21.
Worst Match of the Week – Samoa Joe vs. Sheik Abdul Bashir on TNA Impact!, 3/19
TNA fans deserve better than this. Here were my notes on this: boot, punches, punch Bashir, punch ref, and kill Bashir in the back. That was it, no lying here, classroom. Yes class, Bashir did not do anything and won the match by DQ because of Joe’s nation of violence. It is a shame they are ruining not one, but two very talented wrestlers on their roster. So for that, this was the only match that got an ?F? in the gradebook this week.
Dishonorable Mention goes to: Beth/Layla/Jillian vs. Kelly/Mickie/Melina on 3/16, Edge vs. Cena on 3/16, Kofi/MVP/Punk vs. Shelton/Henry/Kane on 3/16, Madison Rayne vs. Governor on 3/19, Angle/Sting vs. Jarrett/Foley on 3/19, any love triangle involving GM Vickie, The idea of an all divas? ECW show, Colons spitting an apple on a girl, Beautiful People’s haircut party, ODB/Cody future date and segments involving the ?real? Samoa Joe.
WEEKLY TV WARS
So, this was the first week for Ring of Honor on my column and f rom what I saw, it is really worth a second look. These guys prove that wrestlers do not have to be 6?6 and 300 pounds to get over with a crowd. The storylines were not there enough to merit a top two this week based on balanced programming (though it was a very close #3), but the wrestling was great and I would soon consider them getting a point on my leaderboard. So if you have never seen Ring of Honor yet and you do have HDNet, check it out on March 28th. I think you will not be disappointed.
This week I will get to the student’s choice first. Surprisingly, over half of my class chose Monday Night Raw as the ?Show of the Week?. My students do have a point, but due to lack of progress in storylines and a sub-par pure wrestling show, they did not get in my top two for the week. Impact would benefit more if they would not focus their product on guys who are near 40 and above. I thought the opener was great, but the show went downward after that. Ring of Honor was awesome in a wrestling standpoint, but they only had a couple interview segments and I think with time, they will get better. That leaves us with ECW and Smackdown. I picked ECW as my #2 this week because they had above average wrestling f rom the eight guys who performed, not one match got lower than a ?C? in my grade book. I liked the little storyline dealing with Hornswoggle for St. Patrick’s Day. I found it a bit funny, as well as entertaining. Bonus points go to Teddy Long for being in the ?St. Patty’s day spirit?. The Dirt Sheet was a solid segment and helped build up the Tag Team unification title match at WrestleMania. Heck, we were even humbled by the presence of one Jack Swagger for a moment. It was a good show for it being only one hour. However, my pick of the past week would easily go to Friday Night Smackdown. Being the 500th episode, the student body here would assume that it was going to be a good show, regardless if you read the spoilers or not. Well, this show did not disappoint. This show had some very good wrestling and the storylines helped out this show in a big way. Also, we found out on this show that the legendary Von Erich Family are in the WWE Hall of Fame this year. That, my student body, is one that is most deserving. That pick made me forget that Koko B. Ware is also in this year. But a great show both wrestling and entertainment (even the Cena/Edge/Show verbal battles) made this by far the best show of the week.
**Remember class, this portion is also classroom-friendly. Please e-mail me you favorite show of the week. The e-mail address is email@example.com. I greatly appreciate the tens of e-mails regarding this segment**
Best Show: Friday Night Smackdown (2 points)
Runner-up: ECW (1 point)
Students? Choice: Monday Night Raw (1 point)
1)Monday Night Raw…..15 points
2)Friday Night Smackdown…..15 points
4)TNA Impact…..2 points
5)Ring of Honor on HDNet…..0 points
COMMENTATOR REPORT CARD
I am one to admit that this section to me look too lengthy and ordinary to the viewer. So what I am going to do this week is give you the pros and cons of each commentator and see if you like the new change. If I get a few of you that like the new format, it could be done permanently. I am sorry for the change; I just wanted to make it look easy for the eyes. Also, I have not decided on doing grades right now for the new ROH announce team. I want to give them a few weeks to improve on their skills before I give them a weekly grade, I hope you do not mind.
Monday Night Raw
Michael Cole: D (2009 Grade: C-)
Pros: Cole was able to call the opening segment well. He also called main event as good as he could have done, given the circumstances. He at times interacted with the King well and, at times, was able to be clear and concise.
Cons: Too many plugs for WWE.com and Diva pictures. He did not call any match other then main even average. He mixed up his words way too much this week. He mentioned the Undertaker’s streak at least eleven times this week, and it does start to lose the luster of the streak in my opinion. He did a TERRIBLE job calling the Jeff Hardy/Dolph Ziggler match. His transitions with Lawler were not good, and he messed up a line in promoting Cena’s movie. For someone that has done play-by-play for the WWE for at least a decade, you would think he would get better, right?
Jerry ?The King? Lawler: B (2009 Grade: B)
Pros: Dead-on perfect in doing color for the HHH/Cody match. He showed real emotion for each match, which is great for a color commentator. When he called the replays for each match, he did it clear as a bell. Called finishing moves when Cole did not, and that is a good thing. This week, I think Lawler did a nice job and kept the viewer interested in what was a very disappointing Monday Night Raw.
Cons: Probably not his fault, but he had to mention Cena’s movie a bit. He got crazy over Kelly Kelly again, which with the age difference makes it as sick as seeing Edge married to Vickie. He also did not do great, but ok involving the 6-man tag match. But really who can talk if you got Hornswoggle yelling as much as Mike Tenay.
Todd Grisham: C- (2009 Grade: B-)
Pros: He was able to keep a calm head when Matt Striker jokes around with him. He called the Bourne/Noble match pretty well, but it was not great. Good transitions over to Striker. He provided a good shift to the Dirt Sheet.
Cons: He did not do a whole lot of play-by-play, he consistently ended up asking Striker questions about the match, and that is irritating. Todd did not call the opening match well at all. Lack of emotion this week and lack of calling at least 50% of the moves made it very difficult for me to give this guy a decent grade.
Matt Striker: B (2009 Grade: A)
Pros: He provided good historic information at times, which keeps the viewers interested in the match and during storylines. His joke involving Todd liking the Jonas Brothers got a good laugh. He was solid with great usage of historic quotes f rom previous commentators (i.e. Joey Styles? CATFIGHT!!!). I liked his replay style, mentioning in detail the move each wrestler performed. He called more moves during the match that Todd, and I counted them in my notebook.
Cons: It just was not the usual ?A? game for Striker, and the people who read my column on a regular basis would agree to that. Too many times he did say ?oooo? and ?aaaa?. I would too if I saw the return of Evan Bourne, but I am not a professional color commentator, he is one of the few that can be called that.
Friday Night Smackdown
Jim Ross: B (2009 Grade: B)
Pros: He would have gotten an ?A? if it was a one hour show. He was very clear and concise during the majority of the program. He called the Kane/HBK match brilliantly. He also called almost every move involving the Taker/JBL match. He called approximately 80% of the moves today, and that is a lot of play-by-play based on the common commentator in pro wrestling. Also, he provided great feedback to Tazz during the show.
Cons: He faded a bit at times, especially during the US title match and the final segment of the night. He was not really into the final segment involving Vickie and her friends (along with Cena). This week was just your usual hot and cold moments f rom JR.
Oh, this is coming out of nowhere, but JR’s BBQ sauce is great. I bought some on the Internet about a couple weeks ago and enjoyed it every time. If you are getting a tax refund, get yourself some of this glorious piece of heaven. You will not regret it.
Tazz: A- (2009 Grade: B)
Pros: Was Tazz on fire today or what?? He was great in color commentary this week. He showed true emotion and provided great entertainment throughout the show. Don?t you just love it when you hear him talk about the various suplexes. He called other moves occasionally and provides great replay coverage. I think honestly that this was the best performance Tazz gave us all year. Great transitions also by the ?Human Suplex Machine?. He clearly deserves this week’s Matt Striker Award for ?Best Announcer?.
Cons: The only con this week by Mr. Tazz is when he says ?Ballin!?. It sounds awful when MVP says it, so why copy it, Tazz? Don?t worry this week though. Not even that could ruin your amazing performance this week, nice job!!
Mike Tenay: C- (2009 Grade: C)
Pros: He did call the Rayne/?Palin? match to perfection, and that was quite it. He also called a good match involving the Knockouts division. He provided decent backgrounds with the majority of the wrestlers. He did an adequate job on calling the main event. He also has to work with Don West, so that already gives him at least one bonus point.
Cons: Where to start on this one?.He did not call the opening match well at all. He just wanted to talk about Jarrett and Angle. He wanted to talk more about the M.E.M. and Foley. It made me sick to see that a great match is on my TV set, and he is bickering about the main event, which I did not enjoy. He provided terrible feedback involving him and Don West, and at times (I give full credit to Kevin Castle on this one), it seems like TENAY is the HEEL commentator with the way he reacts to West’s color. I am just hoping that we don?t have a tuxedo match between the two of them on Lockdown next month. Also, a play-by-play should be calm most of the time, but he went over the line on a few of his remarks and his attitude just did not seem there this week.
Don West: D+ (2009 Grade: F)
Pros: I did find some pros involving Don West. He did an adequate job as the heel commentator, feeling all sorry for Booker T, the Beautiful People, and talk up wrestlers well occasionally. I gave him a higher grade than Mike Tenay for calling the main event real well
Cons: It is not his fault, but it seemed like Tenay would not let him talk a whole lot this week. Of course, there was that annoying yelling in excitement over a main event while a good match is being performed, but that is not new for Mr. Shop @ Home. He showed emotion, but again too much emotion. Also, Don was not real entertaining this week. I really want this face/heel commentator thing to work, but it just does not seem like it is there yet. Let’s find out next week.
GOLD STAR TIME!!!!
The Gold Stars f rom Mr. V. A star f rom Mr. V is like getting inducted to not only the WWE Hall of Fame, but also the Football Hall of Fame, the Baskeball Hall of Fame, and most importantly, the Hockey Hall of Fame. A list of people who are deemed worthy of a gold star by Mr. V.
All of my facebook friends – I never forgot about you. If you want to be a friend of Mr. V’s on facebook, let me know and I will send a request.
Crelly – for helping ECW recapper David Stephens with the ECW report this week. David will also give you a gold star, but not one of his of course.
To me, Mr. V – currently on the WrestleView Fantasy Tournament Bracket, I am in 1st place by the slimmest of margins, therefore I am going to give one to myself.
To the WrestleView fantasy baseball crew – The countdown is agonizing, but only one week left until we play some ball!
The Sweet 16 – all teams are deserving to be there, including my Pitt Panthers
Osaid (one of my first readers) – I don?t know if I ever gave you one, but congrats on being the first individual f romPakistan to receive a gold star 🙂
Mrs. Sands (She knew me when I was ?Little Tony? in 5th grade) – for giving me a nice praise for my previous column. I still remember the open book science test grade I received, and it is a reminder to all students of mine that you are better off taking a test without using your book 🙂
To my ?actual students? who read my column – Thanks to all of you for your support. Now get off the computer and do some homework already!!!!!!!
Von Erichs – a well deserved WWE Hall of Fame inductee. I am sure the ones who are not with us are smiling.
?The Fink? – I clapped when I heard his name be announced as well for the Hall of Fame. I just wished they celebrated him as an announcer rather than the WWE’s punching bag.
To all the columnists on WrestleView.com – Thank you for all your support and putting up with my stuff week after week.
Adam Martin and Hunter Golden – for having to look at this 4,799 (as of now) word column and having to post it the next day.
To all my readers this week – All of the support and remarks make my week. Keep the e-mails flowing people, I would love to read all of them.
So, this once again sums up the longest column on WrestleView.com. And once again, if you love the column, hate the column, want to debate a topic, or just have a math question, you can e-mail me personally at firstname.lastname@example.org. Ask anybody out there and they will tell you that I respond to each one. I always find it an honor that someone shares their thoughts on my column, and I will return the favor for your time as well. Also e-mailers, let me know what you think of the ?revised? commentator report card. Well that is it my students!! Make sure you pick up the pieces of paper around your desk, because I can?t stand a messy floor! Also, chair should be pushed in and assignment books need an ?AJV? signature. I will not let you leave the room without it. Until my 9th helping, this is WrestleView.com’s ONLY certified teacher and current substitute teacher to five of the greatest schools in the state of Pennsylvania! The bell has rung once again students. You may leave now. Until next week, you are…DISMISSED!
Once again, the e-mail is email@example.com. Take Care everyone and as always, thanks for reading.