Hello for the second time, students. Take a seat, read (in dark or light WrestleView.com layout), and relax. No pencils needed and no papers will be checked. All I want is your exclusive attention as I bring you up to the current events that happened in the world of pro wrestling in the WWE and TNA ranks. After much thought, I have three new rules for my wrestling students this week. I also will be displaying my usual honor roll (there were some good matches this week, none in which will be TNA, sorry), disciplinary actions will be issued this week (a select ?few? students permanently), commentator grades, and my takes on other events.
I first and foremost want to thank the many people who send me some great feedback on my first column. I was overwhelmed at the fact that many people enjoyed my first helping of this piece. Whether you e-mailed me your thoughts and comments (email@example.com) or not, I should be thanking each and every one of you for reading ?The desk of Mr. V?. Without any of you, I know my boss would have ?future endeavored? me faster than a Pittsburgh Pirates losing streak (16 years, and counting.).
I was told I was too light on some wrestlers, creative teams, and so forth and did not issue one detention in my column of instruction. Well, as a teacher, I believe everyone has a fair chance in the first week of school. When I teach in a classroom in real life, I don?t discipline, but offer ?demerits? the first week of school because students don?t realize what they are doing in some cases. But once they see me that second week, or second time, it is fair game. To the few people that want a detention list, don?t worry, it’s coming. And it won?t be pretty.
Now time for the second helping of ?Classroom Rules?
3) Never, and I mean NEVER have a professional wrestler and a referee wrestle on a pay-per-view.
First off, it is demoralizing for the people who actually had to PAY to watch this match. I am certain that the TNA fans paid to see Abyss/Matt Morgan, Shelley/EY, or even the main event that featured a successful title defense. Heck, maybe someone paid to see who Brutus? mystery opponent was. But, I am sure no one paid there money to see Shane Sewell wrestle King Booker (or Harlem Heat Booker, or whatever he is called). If you were a fan that actually paid to see this mess called a wrestling match, e-mail me and I will send you to two weeks detention, thank you. I am sure Booker T argued with Mr. if-TNA-folds-Vince-will-never-hire-me-back Jeff Jarrett for this reason, and I actually agree with Booker T on this. I did not watch this match, but after reading Adam’s recap on this, I am glad my eyes did not see this one. Message to TNA: Shane Sewell is a referee, you paid him to be a referee, and he should just referee. If you wanted to make him a wrestler, creative should have done this quietly so the general public did not have to watch this montrosity.
4) WWE Music Vol. 9 was mediocre at best, but the next one should just have the music by the rock band ?Saliva?
It’s Saturday Night?.and since Chiller Theatre is no longer on my station here in Pittsburgh, PA, I was watching some RAW on the YouTube and found out that the theme for this months ?No Way Out? is by Saliva (A thank you to Jerry Lawler on that one). The song is called ?Hunt You Down?, and I am ok with that song, but not thrilled with it. I also realized that Saliva also sings the theme for ECW every Tuesday night, as well as Batista’s ?I Walk Along?. I instantly thought that Saliva should have there own WWE: The Music CD. I wanted to make sure they recorded enough songs to merit this ?rule?, and here is what I came up with. A gold star goes to Wikipedia, because without that wonderful staff, I would have never come up with this by myself.
Following Songs by Saliva and used by World Wrestling Entertainment the past eight years:
Click, Click, BOOM (No Mercy) 2001
Turn the Tables (Dudley Boyz Theme) 2002
Superstar (Wrestlemania 18) 2002
Always (Survivor Series) 2002
I Walk Alone (Batista Theme) 2004
Survival of the Sickest (Unforgiven) 2004
Ladies and Gentlemen (Wrestlemania 23) 2007
Don?t Question my Heart (ECW Theme) 2008
Hunt You Down (No Way Out) 2009
I do not like on this one, students. Remember, a teacher never lies (load of croc if a teacher actually says that). According to Billboard, This latest edition of WWE’s themes topped off at Number #11. A shame, because I thought this batch would have done a lot worse. If someone is reading this that is employed by the WWE, think about making an album looking at the list above. Although Mr. V does not like Saliva a whole lot, I am sure many other people actually enjoy this band. And with nine songs, that makes a solid album. With a song list like this one above, you should have better sales than Britney Spears (#10), Jamie Foxx (#7), and Nickelback (#4). But seriously, there are some fresh talents that I am sure would love to have a track of theirs blaring in front of a sold out Pay-per-view venue.
5) To the wrestling fans all around the world, professional wrestling is ?entertainment?, not ?reality?
Mr. V is going to be serious for the next rule, because this one really needs to be addressed. I have had many people ask me online if I saw the whole ?Jericho exploding at a few fans? battle in Canada this past weekend. First off, my take on Jericho is that he is a well-mannered man outside the ring. He does a lot of charity work and has been praised doing so. As a matter of fact, he received an award for his work with underprivileged children. This same award he received has been given to Pope John Paul II, Mother Teresa, and others. He has a wife and three children that he provides for every time he is in the ring. He is, and will be, among my top five favorite wrestlers of all-time. He cuts the best heel promos in the business, and his recent feuds have been terrific. He deserved to be the Superstar of the Year. Now something happens in British Columbia this past weekend that just irks me. If you forgot what happened, just go on Wrestleview.com and it will explain that three wrestling ?fans? got into an altercation with Jericho. Jericho snapped and what one person said ?crossed the line? on three of these ?fans?. Before I continue my rant on this incident, I want to show you the definition of a wrestling ?mark?
Wrestling Mark (n.) 1) a fan who believes that the characters and events of some or all of professional wrestling are real. 2) The term can also be applied to a fan who idolizes a particular wrestler, promotion, or style of wrestling to a point some might consider excessive. 3) These three scumbags who took part in this event, as well as the fans who could have stopped this confrontation in the first place.
The so-called ?fans? first heckle Jericho, then as he is leaving, runs to his vehicle and wants to start something. I guess what happened was that these marks wanted to start something with Jericho. What happened probably came as a shock, as a fan pushes Jericho, causing him to bump his head on his own car. There is a thing called ?the flight or fight method?, something that I think happens without second thought. Jericho then tussles with these three nincompoops and the female (who is as guilty as these both ?immature incompetents?). After some more words that a teacher can not say to the public, Jericho speeds off, and the fans go crying to the police because they antagonized somebody, started something obviously they could not finish, and got what they deserved because of the incident. These ?marks? think that Jericho, the bad guy in the WWE, is real, and not some sort of entertainment. Here is what I think will happen with all parties involved.
WWE – hire some security for these guys! The powers-that-be over in CT should know that this can happen, whether it is at Wrestlemania or a house show that seats a few hundred. Don?t rely on arena security, and get your own guys. What happened to Chris should be a reminder to your organization that you need to keep guard at all times.
To Victoria, BC – If I was in charge of WWE, I would NEVER set foot in that town again after what happened. Even though it was because of a few ?fanatics?, this is a wound that will not be easily repaired. If I was in charge of that venue, I would be real concerned about your on-staff security, and make sure something like this never happens again for any event.
To the 3 Amigos (or Amigas) who charged at Jericho like a bull – A Pittsburgh native Andy Warhol once said everyone gets 15 minutes of fame. Well, congrats! Mission Accomplished! You got what you deserved out there. I think if they press charges, the WWE may settle, but I hope that is not the case. Never antagonize someone and not expect some serious consequences. In a way, you are lucky security came or else Jericho would have done more to this latest batch of morons. These three peons deserve nothing.
Chris Jericho – He took the ?fight? in the fight or flight response, and I think he came in as the victim in this. The idiots? assaulted him, and he acted in self-defense. I think the WWE does not penalize him in anyway, as he did the closest to the right thing. To my readers out there, if you see Chris Jericho at an autograph signing, or performing in front of you in a live venue, you should show him some respect. Applaud him for his efforts WWE universe, I know I did.
I am issuing out demerits to the following:
Two more points to TNA creative for carrying the Refs/Booker Feud into a Pay-per-view, and that I believe gives them four demerits, which means detention and a trip to the principal’s office.
One point to the music department of the WWE for giving Saliva yet another song to promote a pay per view.
And for the BC three Party (marks), I give them 155 demerit points and ?eternal? detention for as long as I do a column for WrestleView. May the men receive an infinity amounts of beatdowns by UFC champions Chuck Liddell and Brock Lesnar. As for the female, I will be light on the punishment: One date with Bastion Booger and/or Manu, because with a punishment like that, she will never be a wrestling fan (or mark) again.
So, in case you are counting in the classroom:
Warnings go to: WWE Music Department, TNA Impact!, Manu (just because I can), and Raw creative for Randy Orton’s I.E.D.
Detention: Vince Russo, Dutch Mantel, Dixie Carter, Jeff Jarrett, Don West, The Security in the Save-on-Foods Memorial Centre, and to anyone over the age of ten think that professional wrestling is real.
Eternal Detention: The Three Idiots who charged Jericho – may they be embarrassed for all eternity.
Break out the Golden Stars, or the Mystery Box of Rewards. Time for?
MR. V?S HONOR ROLL FOR THE WEEK OF FEB. 2 – FEB. 6, 2009
To those who are new to my column, I will remind everyone that I do my honor roll based on the matches on RAW, Smackdown!, ECW, and Impact!. The pay-per-views are just a special treat for all of us and will not count in my grade book.
DISTINGUISHED HONORS – Monday Night Raw match between Chris Jericho and John Cena on February 2, 2009.
These two performers worked very well against each other, giving the circumstance that they only had roughly ten minutes to work. A few months ago, I was concerned with Jericho’s in-ring work, but now his work has drastically improved and gets better each week. Cena is now looking as good in the ring as he did before all those injuries sidelined him for months a year back. This match had a lot of momentum changes; there was no dominance on any part. The finish was quick and effective, with Cena placing the STFU (I refuse to change it to STF), and got both men over with the fans.
HIGH HONORS – Friday Night Smackdown match between MVP and Shelton Benjamin on February 6, 2009.
First off, I like Shelton’s little promo about fantasy and reality (hint for the fans addressed in Rule #5). Furthermore, remember when MVP wrestled Santino Marella in that RAW draft of 2007 and got NO fan reaction? I remembered that, and all I can say is MVP improved drastically in the ring, and deserves the push he is getting. It is great to see hard work get rewarded these days. What impressed me were the various suplexes, they were really well-executed. Both men worked to their fullest, and put on a great match for the fans in Indiana. Here’s hoping the creative team on Smackdown (that means you Freddie Prinze, Jr.) continues on with this feud. I would not mind seeing a title change between these two, MVP deserves it this time. I want to conclude that J.R. is right about Shelton, he is the best athlete in the WWE, and he has been doing this for almost a decade with this company. Note: Even though I praise Shelton, he has lost every TV match in 2009, as Hurricane Helms says ?I?m just sayin??
HONOR ROLL – ECW match between Jack Swagger and Finlay on February 3, 2009.
Finally, an ECW match gets on the honor roll. These two came close to making it happen in my first column, but just missed out because of a title change involving CM Punk. Furthermore, this may have been the best match of the week if not for outside interference by Hornswoggle McMahon-Finlay. ECW is getting it right on with this rivalry. Swagger’s mat skills are improving, and I believe it is because of how Finlay sells the moves. There was nothing sloppy in this match, just great technical skills and great tactics. If WWE places books a ten to fifteen minute match with these guys at No Way Out, this match has the potential as being the best match on the card.
Honorable Mention: Edge/Big Show vs. HHH/Taker on 2/6, Rey/Kofi vs. Kane/Knox on 2/2, Miz/Morrison and Kendrick vs. R-Truth and the Brothers Colon on 2/6, and Jamie Noble vs. Boogeyman on 2/3.
WORST MATCH OF THE WEEK – TNA IMPACT! Card for February 5, 2009.
I am so sorry for the TNA fans out there, but the Impact Zone was not working for me this week. I did not grade one match higher than a C-, mainly due to consistent outside interference. Most matches were sloppy, short, and not easy for me to watch. Throw in a former X Division champion vs. TNA Referee, and this spelled disaster. Beer Money interferes in the opening match; Booker interferes in a match, etc. Brutus Magnus looked terrible in the ring with Shark Boy and TNA promoted him for weeks. Brutus was as a big disappointment and I hope he gets better in time. Also, if Rhino is a ?leader? for the Frontline, then why in the world is he getting squashed by Matt Morgan? This entire episode would have had to serve a detention, but the Abyss promo may have been the best of the year, bar none. Other than Abyss, Impact flopped this past week.
Dishonorable Mention: Candice Michelle vs. Beth Phoenix on 2/2, Layla’s performance on 2/2, all TNA matches with the exemption of the MMG vs. Lethal/Young on 2/5, and Priceless vs. Cryme Tyme on 2/2.
THE WEEKLY TV WARS
Last week, I told the WrestleView fans to pick what they believed was the best show in the month of January. The winning show received one point. Well, the classroom of mine spoke, and in a landslide, it went to Friday Night Smackdown, which earns an extra one point. I will have another fan vote once again on what they believed was the best showing this past week. Winning show gets one point to their accumulated score. So, here were my picks for the week of February 2, 2009.
Best Show: ECW (2 points)
Runner-Up: Friday Night Smackdown! (1 point)
Last Week’s Classroom Vote: Friday Night Smackdown! (1 point)
In a minor upset, I give the slightest edge to ECW. This was the best show they put on in months. The three matches they had on the program were all solid; the segments were great with The Miz and Morrison ganging on Dreamer, and also the start of a nice feud between Swagger and Finlay. Also, the announce team keeps the fans interested. I can?t say this enough, as Grisham was quoted saying on ECW last week: Striker = ratings.
Friday Night Smackdown! (8 points)
Monday Night Raw (5 points)
ECW (3 points)
Impact! (0 points)
COMMENTATOR REPORT CARD (Feb. 2 – 6, 2009)
Monday Night Raw
Michael Cole: C- (For the Year: D+)
Jerry ?The King? Lawler: C- (For the Year: D-)
Analysis: I don?t know if the WWE knows this, but there is no chemistry between The King and The Cole. Cole consistently used his squeaky voice when something good happens and I would rather scratch the chalkboards in my classroom than to hear his voice. Also, I counted and Cole plugged WWE.com five times (including twice in one match). We get it, Candice Michelle is the Daily Diva, but who cares? He did show little improvement, as he at times called the match will some amount of fluency during the first hour. The second hour is where is constantly struggles.
Lawler did get better, a lot better. I think it is because Kelly Kelly was nowhere to be seen on RAW this past week. He did mess up his lines frequently, and that is unacceptable because he has been on commentary for over ten years, I believe. We get Flair and Taker will be on RAW next week (and I know this column will be posted after the 2/9 version of RAW), but how many times did he actually have to hear it?
Todd Grisham – B+ (For the Year: B)
Matt Striker – A (For the Year: A)
Analysis: This is why I believe that ECW was the better show last week, because this pairing kept me entertained throughout the week. Grisham was very good at play-by-play, a drastic improvement in years past. My only beef was he did not call some of the moves, but nobody is perfect. Also, some of his jokes are cheesy and not timed well. Still, Grisham is a better announcer today than both Tenay and Cole.
Just when I thought Striker can not get better, he does. He jokes were light, but the information he gives to the casual wrestling fans on ECW is brilliant. He gives you minor facts (ex: Noble trained by Dean Malenko) and gives us a quick lesson in science and English every now and then when he does color commentary. If Wrestling Observer reads this column every week, this is a no-brainer on who is the best announcer in professional wrestling today.
Friday Night Smackdown!
?Good Ol?? Jim Ross – A (For the Year: A-)
?The? Tazz – B- (For the Year: C+)
Analysis: Jim Ross was great last week. He called the matches perfectly, and did a great job calling the battle royal. His jokes were quick and effective. Everything was just right and in place for Jim Ross this week. On a side not, has anyone ever tried his BBQ sauce? I never had it and wanted to purchase some online, but I am not sure yet on getting the sauce.
Tazz got the vote for ?Most Improved?. I gave him extra credit for saying ?One person called me ?The? Tazz, a nice shot at the awful one, Mike Adamle. The best thing for Tazz was to have JR next to him. For the past few weeks, he has shown consistent improvement. He did not over exaggerate this week, and his humor has improved as well. A good showing by these two this week, and I expect the same on next week’s Smackdown!.
Mike Tenay – D+ (For the Year: C-)
Don West – F (For the Year: F)
Analysis: TNA Impact! was not a good show last week, and this announce team made it worse. Tenay needs a new partner, and I am going to say this each week until he actually gets one. Tenay lost his edge, and what made him a solid contributor to the Impact Zone. Now, I don?t know what to think of him. He seriously needs to show some more motivation. I know he is better than Michael Cole, but as of 2009, he might soon be running away with the worst play-by-play announcer on television.
As for Don West, he yelled at least 95% of the time. He is not interesting, and he is not funny. Honestly, I think anytime Don West appears on your television screen (including the times he wants to sell you the Mark McGwire 1986 Team USA rookie card on shop@home), his voice should be replaced by the annoying beeping sound on the Emergency Broadcast System, and this should appear where his face is located:
Finally, I want to (even though no one on this team goes to this column) congratulate the Pittsburgh Steelers on their sixth Super Bowl championship. I can?t believe that out of all the large markets and big businesses out there, our small town has more Super Bowls than any team in the NFL. If only we had the Stanley Cup as well, but that is being too greedy.
Congrats to Joe Baiamonte of WrestleView.com for predicting the winner for all the matches for the Against all Odds PPV. In case anyone is interested, I just made it over .500 this PPV.
Congrats to Austen Allen who predicted 6 of the 7 matches correctly in the fans? prediction category.
Thanks to Craig of Virginia for letting me know that UWF is on ESPN Classic late at night. You are totally right that Bruno is one of the worst commentators of all time.
Also, thanks again to all of you for your e-mails, I appreciate them and I hope I sent a reply to all of you.
Like it, Hate it, or want to e-mail wrestling or ask some questions dealing with wrestling.. e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I will respond to each e-mail. Once again, give yourself a Gold Star for reading this column, you earned this one. Pick a prize out of the mystery prize box (it’s not candy, state rules in PA state I can?t give out candy anymore), and enjoy the week. Until next week, you are…dismissed!