Welcome once again class to “From the Desk of Mr. V”. I am your resident teacher of WrestleView and I (and my students this week) will provide you with the good and bad of pro wrestling. Each week I will keep the predictions records up. Inside today will be a lecture on a few buzz worthy wrestling stories, detentions, Honor Rolls, and of course some Gold Stars (still sponsored by JR’s Family Bar-B-Q). Also, I would like some more takes on your thoughts from WrestleMania a few days ago. So students have a seat and grab a beverage of your choosing. School is in session for the 69th time and I am your teacher.
Quote of the Week
Do you ever feel like you are in a mood to just hear one-line jokes after another? Well, lucky (or unlucky) for you, I decided to look up quotes from one of my favorite all-time comedians. That man left us in 2004 after many years of laughter and I thought now would be a perfect time to give you a few lines from a legend, Rodney Dangerfield. Who could not forget these quotes?
(All quotes by Rodney Dangerfield)
“Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.”
“When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.”
“My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.”
“I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
Let’s throw in a clip from a very legendary move, Caddyshack.
Why Rodney Dangerfield you ask? In a month like this I think we all need a good laugh. Especially when I begin my teacher’s lecture.
If you don’t like YouTube clips and have a fascination of Michael Cole, you may want to skip this part of the column.
1) The Dragon slays The Cole
Well, Internet fans from around the world your prayers to the pro wrestling gods have been answered! It took months of waiting and patience, but finally Michael Cole ate a slice of humble pie thanks to former NXT “rookie” Daniel Bryan. In case you missed it, I think (and hope) I have a couple clips of a truly “vintage” owning.
There was after the first Pros’ Poll
(skip to 0:32)
And now, let us go back to Tuesday:
Look, I know that this was all an act. This was one of the most entertaining rivalries and it did not have to end in a match. I probably sound marky, but I am not a Michael Cole fan. Right now, I would prefer Mike Hogewood or even Mike Tenay. I think I am not the only one that can say that.
Honestly, Cole has been getting annoying. He is not genuine in his delivery and he struggles. If Cole is going to be this “heel” commentator now, I am all for it. He is naturally hated by the common wrestling fan. His appearance, his knocks to Jim Ross, he overusage of words that start with the letter “V”, etc.
Now, let me give you the five best Michael Cole OWND jobs if you have a better one, e-mail me the link. Winner gets a gold star next week:
My personal favorite:
(beating starts at 4:40)
Ok, I am done. On the bright side, Cole does a good job looking like a goof.
Other headlines will be discussed on a Brand New Teacher’s Lounge (which will be Miley Cyrus-free). The reason is because I have once again been teaching all week and to be honest, I am wiped out. But I like to consider myself as “an Ironman”, as I hate to take days off. I will go over some more headlines later with Dave Stephens.
Mike Hogewood – I am getting a bit disappointed with his commentary, especially when he wants to attack a pro wrestler like Austin Aries. Hogewood earns one week in detention.
Meat Loaf – He gets one for being in Randy Orton’s way. I am a fan of Mr. Loaf, but not in the WWE. He will be out of detention next week.
Jeff Reed – For showing himself in Pittsburgh for Monday Night Raw. One week in detention.
WWE Booking – Layla as a champ? One week in detention, maybe more.
Mark Henry – For clubbing Buzz Aldrin in the back with a chair! Batista punished you enough.
David “This ain’t Diet” Otunga – Why is he #2 in the pros’ poll? He has charisma, but what if he was not Jennifer Hudson’s fiancée? Two weeks detention.
Praxis and the ETS Series – Looks like I, Mr. V, will have to shell out more money for these repulsive exams. They are in Eternal Detention.
Val Kilmer – Whatever happened to him? One week in detention.
Drew McIntyre – He earned one for being a tattletale and Mr. Vince gave him his job (and IC Title) back. One week in detention with a potential for more.
MacGruber – TOOOOOOOOOO many commercials for a movie that will get crushed by Shrek 4. Two weeks in detention.
TNA Wrestling – For doing a rape angle, for giving wrestlers cheesy nicknames (Freak, Wild Card, Black Machismo), and giving Shannon Moore undeserving championship matches. Two weeks in detention.
WWE (By Carter Johns) – For keeping Vickie Guerrero employed.
For once, I can’t put Michael Cole in here. He was entertaining, yet annoying.
Dunce Cap of Doom goes to…Dixie Carter! I really, really did not want to place her in this list of delinquents but I had no choice because of this stupid quote after a fan asked an equally stupid question.
Question: How much would you sell TNA to Vince for?
Dixie Carter: How much will he (Vince) sell to ME?
My readers know that I do not do attacks seriously. And this should continue my trend.
However, I just think that this was really another one of those “bark but not bite” moments that TNA continuously attempt to do. They wanted a war with WWE and yet ROH lasted longer on Monday Nights than TNA. They land mid-card former WWE talent and they don’t know what to do with them. They give Shannon Moore an X Division and Tag Team Title Shot in less than a year. TNA in the late 2009 was going strong until Hogan was signed, then it just felt like the Island of Misfit Toys found a home in Orlando. Now TNA is cutting costs which was something they should have done a LONG time ago. However, they let go of the wrong people. And why, to keep that radio DJ happy whom they released already?
I am one that wants TNA to succeed. Competition in professional wrestling is good for the business. However the way TNA is doing this is NOT the way to do it. TNA when they had Christian Cage, Ron Killings, an able Samoa Joe, and maybe throw in Petey Williams had a nice blend of alternative. Cage and Killings later went back to the WWE and now Killings is in some decent feuds and Christian carried a brand on his back since they returned to what people call “the dark side”.
This TNA product is hard to digest right now. Instead of TNA consistently saying “WWE sucks, watch our product instead”, they should ask themselves “what can we do to make our product better?” Rob Van Dam is not a bad choice, but he can’t be the backbone. AJ Styles was perfect, but now he is a Flair protégé (and actually not a bad one).
All I can say is Dixie and others, please stop attacking when you have no arrows on your bow. Don’t hunt the bulls with a butter knife. Focus solely on your product and do the best to have what you have left keep their jobs. Honestly, I can’t see more than five of them going to the WWE and having moderate success. As for Vince buying TNA and “TNA buying Vince”, it never will happen. Dixie, I think I typed enough about this. Dixie, stop being an expensive mark and do your best to improve your ratings for TNA and for Spike.
Previously, The Dunce Cap of Doom went to: Kate Gosselin, Bubba the Love Sponge (twice), Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, Ben Roethlisberger, and Michael Cole (three times), and that Virginia men’s lacrosse player.
Mr. V’s Honor Roll for the week of May 10 – May 16, 2010
5/10 – Graded WWE Monday Night Raw Matches
5/11 – Graded WWE NXT Matches
5/12 – Column Writing. After that, I watched ROH on YouTube and recap the show.
5/13 – Graded WWE Superstars and TNA Impact Matches.
5/14 – Graded Smackdown Matches
5/15 – OFF DAY
5/16 – It will now be an OFF DAY until I finally get an FCW link.
Distinguished Honors – Kofi Kingston vs. Christian, Friday Night Smackdown, May 14.
How it ended – After the very lengthy battle that featured two of the best wrestlers on the Smackdown roster, Kofi Kingston hit the Trouble in Paradise and pinned Christian. Kingston won the Intercontinental Championship and held it…for mere minutes because of a note from Vince McMahon.
Grade: B (leaned toward a B+)
High Honors – Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk, Friday Night Smackdown, May 14.
How it ended – Though CM Punk controlled the match most of the time, it was Rey Mysterio that got the best of him until “The Masked Straightedge man” clobbered Mysterio. Mysterio defeated Punk this time, but by disqualification.
Honors – Dolph Ziggler vs. Chris Master, WWE Superstars, May 13.
How it ended: In a very surprising and entertaining contest, Ziggler hit the Zig Zag and defeated the man with the dancing pectorals. Give a TON of credit to Masters for giving his best effort since coming back to the WWE this past week. As for Ziggler, this guy is the best wrestler to never win a single’s championship in the WWE by far!
Mr. V’s Weekly Grade Book
A+, A, or A-: None to Report
B+: None to Report
B: Kofi Kingston vs. Christian (Smackdown)
B-: Jay and Mark Briscoe vs. Kory Chavis and Jon Davis (ROH); Dolph Ziggler vs. Chris Masters (Superstars); Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk (Smackdown); and AJ Styles vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Jeff Hardy (TNA)
C+: Randy Orton vs. Edge (RAW); Skip Sheffield vs. Darren Young (NXT); and Jesse Neal and Shannon Moore vs. Robert Roode and James Storm vs. Brother Ray and Brother Devon vs. Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin (TNA)
C: Chris Jericho vs. David Hart Smith (RAW); 6-Man Battle Royal (won by Austin Aries) (ROH); Wade Barrett vs. Heath Slater (NXT); Brian Kendrick vs. Douglas Williams (TNA); and Orlando Jordan vs. Tomko (TNA).
C-: Evan Bourne vs. Zack Ryder (RAW); Team NXT (won by Daniel Bryan) vs. Team Raw (lost by Santino Marella) (RAW). David “This ain’t Diet” Otunga vs. Justin Gabriel (NXT); Maryse and Jillian vs. Nikki and Brie Bella (Superstars); Tara vs. Sarita (TNA); MVP and JTG vs. Trent Barreta and Caylen Croft (Smackdown); and Michelle McCool and Layla vs. Beth Phoenix (Smackdown).
D+, D, or D-: Tyson Kidd vs. The Miz (RAW); Batista vs. Mark Henry (RAW); Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jobber (Superstars); Curt Hawkins and Vance Archer vs. 2 Jobbers (Superstars); Tara vs. Taylor Wilde (TNA); Shad Gaspard vs. Jobber (Smackdown); and Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero (Smackdown).
F or INC: R-Truth vs. William Regal (RAW); Matt Morgan vs. Jeremy and Max Buck (TNA); and Scott Hall and Kevin Nash vs. Matt Morgan (TNA).
BONUS!! Current Predictions from The Faculty Standings
1) Josh Boutwell (Viva La Raza and TNA Recapper)……………….35-18 (7-2)
2) David Stephens (That’s a Wrap and RAW Recapper)………….33-20 (6-3)
3) Matt O’Brien (Notes From The Nosebleeds)…………………………33-20 (6-3)
4) Jose Marrero (Wrestling Rumblings)……………………………………33-20 (7-2)
5) Daniel Browne (For Queen and Country)……………………………..32-21 (6-3)
6) Students of the Week (The Best from Prev. PPV)………………32-21 (6-3)*
7) WrestleView Students (The Loyal Readers)………………………..30-23 (5-4)
8) Anthony Valvo (From the Desk of Mr. V/ROH Recaps)……….27-26 (5-4)
9) Sean Hurley (The Sharpshooter)………………………………………..27-26 (6-3)
10) Mike Tedesco (Smackdown and NXT Recapper)…………………26-20 (6-3)
11) Doug Lackey (Reality From Ringside)………………………………….26-27 (6-3)
12) Jeff Springer (WWE Superstars Recapper)……………………………25-16 (7-2)
13) Joe Baiamonte (Baiamonte’s Casa/2009 WV Champ)………24-20 (0-0)
Among Students of the Week, Michael Phillips scored a 7-2 record. Crystal Mai and David Sumroy posted 5-4 records.
Among the Faculty Josh Boutwell, Jose Marrero, and Jeff Springer posted a 7-2 record and were the best among The Faculty.
Out of the Students, we had SEVEN WrestleView Students that posted a 7-2 record. They were Ricky Langston, Frank Contorno, Chad Robbins, Robert Downing, John McNeill, Antonio DeGaetano, and Michael Phillips. However, since Phillips was a reigning Student of the Week he retained his ranking. So for the WWE Over the Limit PPV, Michael Phillips will be the only Student of the Week.
Overall, we had 19 “WV Students”. They averaged a win total of 5.4. Since I estimate the student’s picks, I had them marked as 5-4.
Past Students of the Week: Evan O’Brien, TJ Patton, Ricky Langston, Craig Alan Cope, Paul Lyons, SUPERSTARZZ, Jeremy Samples, Josh Logan, Eric Marin, David Sumroy, and Crystal Mai.
Mr. V’s Gold Star Segment (Presented (sadly) By: JR’s Family Bar-B-Q)
Last Week, Jim Ross opted to shut down his Norman, OK restaurant due to lack of customers and a poor economy. I am sad to read about this but it is life, ya know? Still, you can get JR’s Famous Chipotle Ketchup on www.jrsbarbq.com. Pick some up if you have the extra money.
Gold Stars are plenty once again despite the fact the JR decided to shut down his restaurant. Gold Stars this week go to the following.
Daniel Bryan/Bryan Danielson (along with 16 e-mails suggesting this) – For really doing a fantastic job with the mic on Tuesday. By far the best non-wrestling segment on NXT. He made this feud realistic and that made the fans actually believe that he attacked Cole for his remarks.
Ricky Langston, Frank Contorno, Chad Robbins, Robert Downing, John McNeill, Antonio DaGaetano; and Michael Phillips – For going 7-2 on the TNA Sacrifice predictions. However…
Michael Phillips – …is STILL your Student of the Week because the Student of the Week is the tiebreaker. Since he was one of three last week and shared the best record lead, he successfully retained the title. Mr. Phillips will be posting picks for Over The Limit on Sunday.
Josh Boutwell, Jose Marrero, and Jeff Springer – For earning the best records among WV Columnists with a 7-2 record for each.
Josh Boutwell – He is STILL the Dean of WrestleView for 2010 so far. With his 7-2 record, he was able to hold a two win advantage on David Stephens, Matt O’Brien, and a surging Jose Marrero. So in Honor of Boutwell’s accomplishment:
Crystal Mai and David Sumroy – Thank you for being Students of the Week last week.
Dolph Ziggler – He earns one because he gives his best effort each week and I am really hoping he wins a title soon.
The Embassy (ROH) – Prince Nana may have secured his best talent yet in Shawn Daivari.
NXT Rookies – For beating a few RAW superstars back on May 10.
Wade Barrett – He has earned the #1 spot in the Pros’ Poll on NXT for two weeks in a row.
Skip Sheffield – He is now a heel in FCW and has improved in speaking, as well as wrestling in a WWE ring. He might be back sooner than later.
Betty White – I will be making a case that she becomes a guest host very soon.
Curt Hawkins – Welcome back to the WWE!
AJ Styles – He earns one for his much-improved mic skills and may still be the best all-around wrestler in TNA.
Douglas Williams – Your NEW (or still) TNA X Division Champion
Scott Hall and Kevin Nash (and Eric Young) – STILL your TNA World Tag Team Champions
Madison Rayne – STILL your TNA Knockout’s Champion
Rob Van Dam – STILL your TNA World Heavyweight Champion.
Orlando Jordan – He earned the TNA Global Championship according to reports this week.
Kofi Kingston and Christian – They earn one for an entertaining match on Smackdown last week.
Jack Swagger – He was fantastic in the segment in which he ran down his accolades. It reminded me a lot of Kurt Angle.
Big Show – For his role in Jack Swagger’s segment. The only thing I wanted to see him do was eat the sandwich.
Layla – She is the NEW WWE Women’s Champion. I dread to type this.
Beth Phoenix – Get well soon, Beth.
David Stephens – Due to my stupidity of leaving my headset at home during my vacation, Dave Stephens took care of The Teacher’s Lounge solo. Outside of the Miley Cyrus, he did a great job.
Bret Hart – The NEW United States Champion.
WWE Creative (By Carter Johns) – For taking the U.S. Title off of The Miz.
Good Ideas…Bad Ideas (Written By: WrestleView Students)
From Rick Jackson (I know he meant no harm haha)
Good Idea : Putting Mr. V on the air.
Bad Idea : Putting Mr.V on the air…lol
From Michael Phillips
Good idea: Finally letting Josh Matthews something he is good at
Even better IDEA: Michael Cole walking out, and not doing his job
Bad Idea: Letting Michael Cole have a job still
Good idea: Talk about each rookie
Bad idea: Getting your ass kicked by someone (even though a wrestler) still half your size, and just laying there and taking it.
Only one assignment this week, and this one should have some good feedback.
1) We complain about who the champions are in WWE, TNA, and ROH some of the time. I know I am guilty with that as well. So class, my question to you is this:
Who would you book as the following:
WWE World Champion (held by John Cena)
World Heavyweight Champion (held by Jack Swagger)
TNA World Heavyweight Champion (held by Rob Van Dam)
ROH World Champion (held by Tyler Black)
**Assignment due on June 2, 2010**
Well, that does it for me this week. I thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoyed this column as much as I typed it out. If you want to get a hold of me during the week, please e-mail me at email@example.com or by leaving me a message on Facebook. I do get a lot of e-mails and may not reply in a timely fashion, but I will do my best to give you a quicker reply.
Now, students you are allowed to leave the classroom. Please push in your chairs, line up straight, and exit to the closest door around you. Until my next Ring of Honor on HDNet recap (which should hopefully be up soon), you are all……DISMISSED!!!!
Look for Mr. V on Facebook under Anthony J. Valvo in the Pittsburgh Network
If you enjoy Mr. V’s WrestleView columns, then take a look at my work on my other site Examiner.com
I will be adding a feature on that website starting in May! I just don’t know what to call my column on there yet.
THE TEACHER’S LOUNGE IS NOW PLAYING ON SATURDAYS!
Future Guest: Matt O’Brien from WrestleView.com
Already on the archives we interviewed Jose Marrero (Wrestling Rumblings), Crystal Mai from Diva-Dirt.com, and The YouTube Sensation who had choice words to CM Punk.
David Stephens (That’s A Wrap and Raw recapper) and I have a weekly Internet show only on the WrestleView Radio Network. It does cost a bit of money, but we will do our best to make it worth it. If you want to be a part of the Lounge for our “E-mails” section, you may drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org.
For $4.99 you can listen to the likes of Hunter Golden, Adam Martin, Tom Van Stone, Doug Lackey, and so much more!! I will be honest to say that we do offer the best value in paid content. So for a couple bucks less than a bag of Dunkin’ Donuts Coffee, you can get all of the above. Click here to sign up!
If not for the students, there would be no Mr. V. Thanks for reading my column.