Reality From Ringside #49
January 25, 2010
By: Doug Lackey of

The Fantasy Rumble

Whether all of us are confident enough to admit it in public, we all have a ?dork side?. We are fascinated by a form of entertainment to the point to where you are seen through the public’s eyes as fanatical, over-enthusiastic, almost to the point to being committed to an institution.

For some, it’s a certain video game that can claim their occupation for hours on end. For others, it could be a certain genre of entertainment like Japanese animation or science fiction novels that causes them to become secluded in their own room never to see a ray of sunlight for at least a month.

I do admit to enjoying some of these. I love Japanese animation but not to the point where I am watching it religiously? most would watch it for free online through ?fan subs?, I prefer buying mine on DVD so that it is of much better quality but I only shop for them maybe once or twice a year.

On my days off or when I?m stressed out, I relax with a good video game (preferably Tekken 6), where I take my frustrations and tensions out on an unknowing online public. After a long 12-hour workday, nothing puts me more at ease than punching an online opponent in the face allowing me to hit them even harder in other areas.

There is only one time out of the entire year where my uninhibited ?dork side? is unleashed on an unsuspecting society. My friends and family have now learned how to cope with and embrace this condition of mine. Every January, the Royal Rumble causes my ?dork side? to run rampant.

Every year, for the past five years, I have entertained my fellow pro wrestling friends with a massive viewing party of the Royal Rumble. Everyone brings food and drink (adult beverages are a necessity) as we crowd around the television to take in the excitement. Sounds odd don?t it? An extroverted pro wrestling fan.

Every year I hold this get-together, I assemble a little ?fantasy? game along the same lines as people who play fantasy football with the NFL and fantasy baseball with MLB. This does involve money, we all throw in $5 to the pot, second place wins their money back, and first place takes the rest. It’s called ?The Fantasy Rumble?.

I tried explaining my revolutionary concept to Anthony Valvo (’s resident teacher ?Mr. V?) last week when it came to determining how he would tabulate a win for our PPV predictions? I think he is still trying to get the blood off of his keyboard as I caused him to have an aneurism and a prolonged nosebleed.

Why am I explaining my revolutionary concept to you, the loyal reader and ?Realist?? Because I have always believed that professional wrestling is not just meant to be enjoyed by one person, but by a group of people. If you are a fan of a sports team and go to a bar to watch your team compete, you seem to enjoy it more and cheer louder when there are others cheering alongside.

Also, I would like for as many people to play along in the ?Fantasy Rumble?. What’s in it for you? I think I might have a spare North Carolina Education Lottery ?Ric Flair WOOOOO Ticket? lying around somewhere. I?ll fill you all in on this week’s radio shows and podcasts on

Alright? enough drama and teasing? how does the ?Fantasy Rumble? work?

You assemble a three-man team out of the 30 participants in the Royal Rumble. This team consists of a low-card, a mid-card, and a high-card. Whoever’s team survives the longest, eliminates the most wrestlers, and potentially wins the Royal Rumble itself wins the ?Fantasy Rumble?.

Since I?m considered the ?wrestling dork? of my group of friends, I define which performers are low, mid, and high. Along with this responsibility comes an intricate system of scoring that I have concocted for the Royal Rumble itself.

Before I go into how the ?Fantasy Rumble? is scored and cause you to have the same aneurism that Mr. V suffered, let’s define the participants. So far, 24 of the 30 have been confirmed so I will only mention those for now. Once the full list is compiled, I will have an updated definition of the participants and you may send me your updated three-man team:

Low-Card: Yoshi Tatsu, Zack Ryder, Jack Swagger, The Hurricane, Evan Bourne, Carlito, Santino Marella.

Mid-Card: CM Punk, Shelton Benjamin, Ted DiBiase, Cody Rhodes, The Great Khali, MVP, The Miz, William Regal, Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry

High-Card: John Cena, Batista, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Chris Jericho, Kane, Big Show

I encourage you to send me your gripes on why I have defined certain performers as low, mid, or high.

Alright, now that you have drafted your three-man team for the ?Fantasy Rumble?, how is the match scored and tabulated? Brace yourselves?

Scoring for each performer is determined by a little equation that I put together. If you can understand basic algebra, then this should not be that much of a mind-. for you.

[(Position eliminated) ? (Position entered)] + (# of wrestlers eliminated) = *Final score

*Add 5 points if the wrestler wins the Royal Rumble

Confused? Don?t worry; I have that effect on most people.

Let’s take an example from last year’s Royal Rumble winner Randy Orton. Orton entered the Rumble in the #8 position. Since he won the match, we have him being eliminated in the final #30 position. He also eliminated (or had his hand in eliminating) three wrestlers. Here is how Randy Orton’s ?Rumble Score? is tabulated:

[(30) ? (8)] + 3 = 25 (+5 for winning) = 30 = FINAL SCORE

Still confused? Don?t be embarrassed, I?ll be calculating the scores throughout the Rumble.

How big of a dork am I when it comes to the Royal Rumble? Let’s just say that I have made a list of every performer to ever compete in the match, calculate their scores, and devised a database of who are the most productive Royal Rumble participants of all time. Don?t believe me? Ask Mr. V? I?ve sent him a copy of my handiwork.

?Fantasy Rumble? facts for you to think about while assembling your team:

Best Fantasy Rumble of all time: Shawn Michaels ? 1995 ? 41 points (Enter #1, Exit #30, 7 Eliminations)

Best Fantasy Rumble performer (on average, minimum of 3 Rumbles): Rey Mysterio ? Average 27 Points

Worst Fantasy Rumble of all time: 3-way tie (-13 points); Santino Marella ? 2009 (Enter #28, Exit #15), Dolph Ziggler ? 2009 (Enter #27, Exit #14), ?Hacksaw? Jim Duggan ? 2009 (Enter #29, Exit #16)

Worst Fantasy Rumble performer (on average, minimum of 3 Rumbles, current performer): The Miz ? Average -7 Points

Now that I have made your head spin at 4G, wait until you slow to a tolerable rotation, then send me your three-man team for the first annual ?RFR Fantasy Rumble?. Join in the chaos that I have created? whether you win or not I can guarantee one thing, you will never experience the Royal Rumble the same way ever again.

Until next time, mouth-breathers!

Annoy me with your assumptions and affronts… adore me with your adulations and acknowledgements:

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