Welcome back to the only Wrestleview column covering topics both nowhere yet everywhere at once. If you are new to the column you are probably going to hate me for the first couple weeks, but then you are going to hit a point where you say ‘oh wait a minute, I think he gets it’. Don’t worry, that’s exactly how it is designed to be. This column is all about gut reactions and traveling thoughts. As the great Andy Kaufman once said: “I just want real reactions. I want people to laugh from the gut, be sad from the gut, or get angry from the gut”.
Are you ready? The stop questioning your heart and join me, because it’s time for “That’s a Wrap”!
TNA Against All Odds
I’ll admit that going into this column, I’m aware that the majority of people don’t really care about TNA. Some of you probably don’t even realize that TNA had a PPV this past Sunday. They did. To be honest, everyone is talking about The Rock this week, and I feel like doing something different. TNA Against All Odds reflection it shall be.
Kazarian def. Robbie E
A lot of people are hard on Robbie, but for no reason. His lifestyle just happens to be different than ours. It’s all about the “Gym, Tan, Win” for the New Jersey native. While he did lose his match on Sunday, credit must be given for his heart. Kazarian manipulated his connections to get himself into this match once Generation Me got sucked into a tornado – I think that was their travel problem. Robbie didn’t see it coming, and the element of surprise proved the difference maker for Kaz.
There were some bell shenanigans in this match worth noting. The TNA bell guy should be fearing for his job this week. First, the bell was rung before Generation Me even entered the building, let alone the ring. Kaz certainly was not in the ring when the bell rang to start his match. The guy really needs to learn how to do his job.
-Scott Steiner cut a promo which reminded me of that CBS reporter who was slurring before the Grammy Awards. God bless him.
-Just once in my life I want pyro and entrance music to go off when I enter a room. What would be my entrance theme? I’m glad you asked. “See You Again” by Miley Cyrus.
Beer Money & Scott Steiner def. Rob Terry & Co.
It was neat to see the freak v. freak standoff between Steiner and Terry. You could feel the “moment”. There was a lot of typical Steiner in the match, including the nostalgic Frankensteiner. I’ve actually been missing him from TNA. Plus, Big Poppa Pump has added a chain to his chest tattoo. So that happened.
Samoa Joe def. The Pope
This match really hacked me off. It wasn’t Joe’s fault. He deserves credit for going for that suicide dive at his size. It’s this Pope guy. Man, I can’t stand the Pope. Watching him walk into a wrestling ring makes me want to grab a roll of duck tape and wrap my head up tight so that it doesn’t explode in anger and frustration whenever I see him. He makes blood shoot out of my eyes.
I hate the tactic of trying to leave a match early. That’s crap. Can you imagine if an NFL team decided to leave the field early because the game wasn’t going their way? It’s a ridiculous notion. But, that’s exactly what The Pope tried to pull on Sunday. You are being paid to wrestle, TNA is a wrestling company. Get your ass in the ring and fight, or you shouldn’t be paid. Do your damn job.
Also, Joe’s sidekick looks like a train bandit. I just wanted to get that out there.
Madison Rayne def. Mickie James
Not a fun match to watch. I have no idea how Madison Rayne was able to pull this match off, even with help. Why? Because she is a moron. How can I give her any credit for winning this match, when she not only went for a pin in a Last Knockout Standing match, but decided to hide the brass knuckles she used? Hey airhead – it’s a No DQ match.
With her idiotic tendencies I’m baffled as to her victory. Though some of the blame rests with Mickie James. She lost a lot of her pep when she jumped over to the WWE. When I think of the hardcore Mickie James, my mind goes back to her Clockwork Orange House of Fun match back during her Raven days. What happened to the Mickie of old? She used to kick some ass.
I got really excited when the women went under the ring because I thought that Hornswoggle might make an appearance. Then I remembered that his was TNA, and became sad.
I would like to invite the camera men to include more close-ups of passed out Knockouts in the future. Those were pretty sweet. The camera direction Emmy is coming, just you wait.
-Jeff Hardy said in a backstage promo that he is going to be “beating an assholes ass”. That’s… really straight.
-Hernandez is a jerk. Did you see him bust out the FU? That’s not your move Hernandez, stop trying to be the Mexican John Cena. Remember the black John Cena, Darren Young? No? That’s because no one does. Go USA!
Rob Van Dam def. Matt Hardy
I made a pact not to make fun of Hardy until he got healthy. So… no comment.
Bully Ray v. Devon
Really, really powerful stuff in this match. However, I think Devon was off his game. At the offset, he didn’t see Bully duck back in behind the curtain instead of walking down to the ring. Bully isn’t exactly a small guy, so how he managed to sneak around Devon is a mystery.
I can’t stand the use of handcuffs in wrestling. Like guys that try and leave the match early, I just see it as a cop out (Hey, cops use handcuffs! I’m so clever). What is a guy supposed to do if he gets handcuffed? This was almost as frustrating as Batista getting tied up with Duct Tape. I understand the passion that brought Devon’s kids down to the ring, but they really should have stayed in the back. Speaking of which, I was shocked that other than his family, Devon has no friends in the back that were willing to come down to the ring and help him out.
It was uncomfortable to watch the post-match happenings, because it is painful to put yourself into that situation. Bully may have gotten the upper hand on Sunday, but I doubt he really thought through his actions. Sure, at the time Devon was handcuffed to the turnbuckle, but it’s not as though he is going to be chained there forever. Bully is really going to regret his decision once Devon seeks vengeance.
Jeff Jarrett def. Kurt Angle
Jeff Hardy def. Ken Anderson
This was a brutal match. They not only put their own bodies on the line, but made sure to take every ounce of energy out of their opponents. The viciousness of the match was eye opening. These are two guys who clearly despise each other in so many ways.
Jeff Hardy won this match, because he needed to win. There was a moment in the match when his ego almost got in the way of victory. Jeff had the match won at one point, but opted to bring his own ladder into the match instead of using the one that was already set up. This was an almost fatal decision which somehow worked out for the Anti-Christ of professional wrestling. I know that Hardy hasn’t been the nicest guy in the world as of late, but I don’t think that he is really a bad person. I think that his promos are being inspired by a desire to vindicate himself. With so many legal and personal issues surrounding him, people discredit his chances for success. Hardy showed the haters that they were wrong on Sunday night. Every step up the ladder was one step closer to proving his worth in the company.
It’s been a fun week. Well, it’s been a fun couple of weeks if you are me. I like to churn the waters. Arguably, a bit more than my editor would like, but hey – just remember the story of the Princess and the Pea. Sometimes it isn’t about whether or not you feel the pain, it’s about how many mattresses you can stack on top of an issue before it goes away. I’m pretty sure that was the moral of that story.
Let’s spend a moment talking about the second edition of the “RAW iMPACT” column which came out this past week. If you didn’t get a chance to check it out, you were one of the very few. There are times as a writer when I know that a piece I am working on is going to be subject to a high volume of readership. Now for some, they would take that as an invitation to tightly edit and make sure that their message would be crystal clear. Not me!
I decided it would be an opportunity to have a bit of fun with the Internet Wrestling Community. When I co-wrote the first edition of that column, five months ago, I was floored by the amount of responses that it received. If you are a VIP member, then you also know of the “Wrestleview Civil War” which broke out as a result of the piece. I’m still baffled by the whole ordeal.
Now, I know what you are asking yourself right now, “why doesn’t this site have pictures of divas like all the others, I want to see Maryse in a thong.” I understand, but there is really nothing I can do about that, sorry! Though now that you mention it, this site does roll pretty dude heavy. How did I get here? Oh right! You are also probably asking yourself, “but David, what do you mean that you were having fun with the IWC?”
I’m glad you asked.
You’ve no doubt noticed by now that I include this great Andy Kaufman quote in almost all my columns: “I just want real reactions. I want people to laugh from the gut, be sad from the gut, or get angry from the gut.” That’s all that I want. When I put out a piece like ‘RAW iMPACT’, I just want people to react, and react they did. I got a slew of long emails, and the chat under the column is still garnering impressive reactions. There is even talk in the forums, and elsewhere on the web about the column.
Perfect. That’s all I wanted. I wanted people to react, and people to talk. The piece wasn’t a heavily edited monster that was intended to lay out a thesis and prove a point. Nope, it was just Josh Boutwell and I exchanging a couple emails, and chatting about some of the current trends in wrestling. I wanted it to have the feel of two friends sitting down, and just shooting about what is on their mind. Some of my arguments maybe have been rather loose, but they were designed simply to make you think.
Something to make you go hmm… if you will.
I know that a lot of you probably think my claims of just not caring about critics anymore is some sort of gimmick. It’s not. I really don’t care. I just watch what I enjoy, and I talk about it. The over analytical super serious commentators on the internet, have become such a huge joke to me. Oh get over yourselves. Now granted, mine and Wrestleview’s readers tend to be a bit more rational than the average IWC browser, but I don’t need to tell you guys that.
Chill, haters. Chill.
I love my job, because the Internet Wrestling Community is really fun to mess with. Speaking of which – I can’t even type this without laughing – Justin Bieber was being angrily discussed as the guest host of Wrestlemania pre-Rock announcement because I led with that in my RAW Recap two weeks ago. Yup, that happened.
So ‘that’s a wrap’…. Love it? Hate it? Disagree with everything I said? Just want to chat wrestling? I’m always up for reading your thoughts so send them ’em on over.
Look for latest edition of “The Teacher’s Lounge” featuring Anthony Valvo (From the Desk of Mr. V) and myself this Saturday on the Wrestleview Radio Network.