Six days and counting. Six days and counting until the 26th ?Granddaddy of ?em All? emanates from Phoenix, Arizona. It’s ok to squeal with excitement, it’s Wrestlemania, grown men can make whatever noise they please in the week leading up to it.
I?m hoping you all took heed of the ten point guide on how to properly prepare for Wrestlemania that I presented last week. It’s invaluable advice and any wrestling fan worth his salt will have followed it down to a tee.
But now onto the serious business end of things. The official Baiamonte’s Casa Wrestlemania Drinking Game. Now, it has become commonplace, nay necessity to heighten the enjoyment of major events of global and cultural significance with a drinking game. University students around the world invent them for pretty much anything, so why not have one for the grandest stage of them all in sports entertainment?
So over the past week I have studiously worked on developing the ultimate drinking game to accompany the ultimate wrestling event. No stone was left unturned in my quest to conjure up the perfect four hours of alcohol fuelled wrestling frivolity.
Ladies and gentlemen, the creation of this game may be my greatest achievement in Casa history. Make sure the following rules are on show for all to see come bell time on Sunday, as a lot of effort, and a lot of drinking, went into the creation of them. A thankyou.
THE OFFICIAL BAIAMONTE?S CASA WRESTLEMANIA DRINKING GAME
Rule One: Right before the show starts, everyone who is in attendance must have an alcoholic beverage in their hand. Anyone who does not, must automatically grab one and then proceed to drink it whole as a punishment for sheer stupidity.
Rule Two: As soon as the American National Anthem begins, everyone must drink for as much of the anthem as possible.
Rule Three: Every time Michael Cole utters the word ?vintage? everyone must down a shot.
Rule Four: Every time a celebrity is shown or introduced, three fingers of drink must be chugged.
Rule Five: Whenever a superstar is shown backstage arriving at the arena or preparing for their match, three fingers must be drunk.
Rule Six: Whenever The Undertaker’s streak is mentioned, everyone must stand up and shout ?STREAK?. The last person to do this must finish their drink OR should they have little of it left, be presented with a fresh drink which they must down in one.
Rule Seven: Every time the term ?Wrestlemania Moment? is used, a shot must be downed by everyone.
Rule Eight: Anyone who incorrectly predicts the outcome of a match must do a shot.
Rule Nine: Those who correctly predict the outcome of a match must decide between themselves what alcohol to pour into a jug/pint glass etc in the middle of the room. Come the end of the night, whoever has the worst predictions record must drink the contents of the tub/jub/glass. However, to prevent alcohol poisoning, at least half of the container must be filled with beer. In the event of a tie between losers, paper/scissors/rock determines the unlucky soul who has to drink away their memories of the night.
Rule Ten: Every time the Montreal Screwjob is mentioned three fingers of drink must be drunk.
Rule Eleven: The first person to shout WOOOOOO when a knife edge chop is thrown can nominate anyone they want to down a shot. However this only applies to the first chop in a set. Otherwise people might start to go blind.
Rule Twelve: Whenever any fireworks are used, everyone must drink until they stop.
Rule Thirteen: If anyone wrongly identifies a wrestler’s theme music as belonging to another superstar, they must down their entire drink out of shame.
Rule Fourteen: Every time a Title changes hands a shot must be done.
Rule Fifteen: Anyone who mentions TNA at any point must be forced to down three shots as punishment.
Rule Sixteen: Three fingers must be drunk for every botch.
Rule Seventeen: Whenever there is any outside interference in a match, two fingers must be drunk for each person who interferes.
Rule Eighteen: If Rey Mysterio beats Punk, everyone in the room must stand up and toast the victory with their drinks before drinking as much as they can.
Rule Nineteen: If Punk wins, to celebrate his Straight Edge lifestyle, soft drinks must be drunk. NOTE: This is the only time during the night that soft drinks are acceptable!
Rule Twenty: If the streak is broken everyone must do two shots to mourn the end of an era.
Rule Twenty One: If a celebrity is assaulted or involved in a brawl, e.g. Pete Rose getting tombstoned by Kane, four fingers must be chugged.
Rule Twenty Two: EVERYONE must strut in the manner of Vince Mcmahon when he makes his way down to the ring for his match with Bret Hart. The strut should also be toasted and accompanied by the chugging of two finger’s worth of alcohol. Anyone who does not strut must drink an extra three fingers as a punishment.
Rule Twenty Three: When a wrestler uses a catchphrase three fingers must be necked.
Rule Twenty Four: If a wrestler turns heel or face, 4 fingers must be drunk.
Rule Twenty Five: EVERYONE must toast the end of the show and finish off their respective drinks.
NOTE: Anyone who vomits is automatically disqualified from the game. For lack of masculinity and also because I don?t want anyone to die playing this game. That?d give me a terrible reputation.
REMEMBER! Baiamonte’s Casa promotes (un)healthy and (ir)responsible drinking at all times. Especially during Wrestlemania. So stay safe and enjoy Wrestlemania. As people in the 20’s used to say, ?It’s gon? be a doozy!?
Until next time,