Tonight, NXT at the University of Kentucky.
Todd Grisham and William Regal are on commentary.
Matt Striker is our host.
The show starts with a package about Titus domination’s of NXT. It proceeds to the past two weeks where Bateman has been manipulating things against Titus. This leads up to last week when Darren Young raised Bateman’s hand after beating Titus.
“I said we are wild and young!”
Striker is in the ring and brings out Titus O’Neil. Hornswoggle is not with him. Regal asks about it. Striker asks Titus about how he feels about Darren and Bateman. Titus thinks it has been cute. And he’s been the most dominate rookie ever. He can understand that he’s a threat. The only way to win is to take him out. He’s not concerned about them or as he jokes, their family. He’s concerned about himself.
Bateman’s music hits and Bateman and Darren Young come out. The have mics in their hands. Bateman says that’s “a big talk from a big man”. Bateman says “I beat you (Titus)”. They head into the ring as they continue to talk. Titus says there’s no way for Bateman to beat him one on one. Darren says the only reason why Titus is head on points is because he panders to the crowd. Striker reminds him that 50% is in the crowd. Bateman says that Titus has reached his ceiling. Titus says, enough talking let’s have a tag match. Striker goes to the crowd. They’re all for it. Darren protests how Striker runs the show. Bateman and Darren Young say it’s only happening if they pick the partner. They pick Striker. Striker is aghast at this and tries to talk them out of it. Titus won’t have any say against Striker and says he’s “going to put that wood their behind and make it a win”. Striker can’t believe he will be in action tonight.
Who’s more “gangsta” is next.
AD: Summerslamed Beach bums. Bright nights, Bright lights… oh I’m now Blind.
Did you care? Rock Beats Cena on Twitter. Cena destroys Rock on Facebook.
JTG comes out first. Then Kozlov comes out. He’s entering to JTG’s music and dressed wigga dancing like he’s JTG. He’s copying him to a T. Josh and Regal notice that Kozlov has a “grill.” It’s a piece of tin foil in his mouth. He gets in the ring and pounces around like JTG. The bell rings. Wait, this became a match?
Skullcap vs. Skullcap Match: JTG vs. Gangsta Kozlov
JTG is looking at him Kozlov. Kozlov in return is playing JTG says. He’s repeating his actions exactly. That is, till JTG turns on Kozlov and starts to beat on the Russian and pulls the skull cap. Kozlov loses The JTG Says game. Kozlov manages to recover and pick up JTG and throw him. He does to the ring ropes and mocks JTG in the means JTG would. He rolls out of the ring and gets JTG. Kozlov beats him on the ring apron before he rolls JTG into the ring. Kozlov goes for a pin. JTG kicks out and Kozlov goes for strikes. JTG manages to turn the tables around before he gets tossed to the corner. Regal mentions it doesn’t matter how they’re dressed. Kozlov is a serious competition. We cut to a commercial.
AD: WWE All Stars – Blue Danube Theme Starts.
Back to the action, JTG is flying over to Kozlov with a drop kick. IT leads to a headlock. Kozlov gets to his feat and breaks them. JTG gets the advantage on Kozlov and starts a control segment with Kozlov. He pulls the shirt apart on Kozlov as they continue. JTG feels disrespected and that is driving him on. Kozlov shows the grill. If you didn’t see it before, it’s clear that it’s just Tin foil over his teeth. Kozlov gets to his feet and breaks the hold. JTG returns with hammer fists to his face. He pulls him from the ropes face down and goes for a pin. Kozlov kicks out. JTG gets a headlock. Kozlov gets his shoulder into JTG’s gut and begins to take over on offense, over powering him. Kozlov gets a large slam on JTG and slams him again for the pin and the win. JTG’s music plays and celebrates like he was JTG.
WINNER: HAIL KOZLOV!
Kozlov goes over to the announce desk and steals Josh’s phone. He gets back into the ring and planks on JTG. Kozlov takes a picture if himself there. He’s a planksta on a gangsta. If you don’t know what Planking is, google it. Like you did for David Otunga.
AD: The Life of a Masked Man.
WWE.COM has sexy pictures of the Diva in swimsuits. Yum.
RAW REBOUND: CM Punk says why he came back. Triple H says we have two champions and sets the match for SummerSlam. Champion vs. Champion. Regal predicts Punk will win.
Tyson Kidd comes out to the stage. While Yoshi won, he reminds us that he got the upper hand last week. A package plays of Kidd beating on Yoshi. He’s laughing at his work. The crowd is not happy. Kidd talks about “his” WWE where there is no stupid Yoshi Tatsu Music, toys and most importantly, no Yoshi Tatsu. Kidd talks about his family. He talks about what he does it by hard work, not toys and good luck shires. He talks about “his” WWE and there’s no room for Yoshi in it.
Our tag match is next.
AD: Summerlam – Orton vs. Christian No DQ Match
TAG MATCH: Darren Young and Derrick Bateman vs. Titus O’Neil and Matt Striker
Darren Young and Derrick Bateman come out first. Titus is out next with Hornswoggle and AJ. They take seats at commentary. Matt Striker comes out next. Josh says Striker has a worse lose record as the Washington Generals. The Bell rings. Bateman and Titus start the match. AJ and Hornswoggle are joining commentary. Oh God. Titus overpowers Bateman and goes on offense. Hornswoggle is blathering on his mic already. Striker is tagged in and goes to work on Bateman. Regal puts Striker into his generation as an “old pro”. Striker gets a drop kick on Bateman. He goes for the pin, but Bateman kicks out. Then striker pulls Bateman over as he reaches to tag Titus in. Titus goes to work on Bateman. Regal has no idea what to do with Hornswoggle at the desk. Which is probably the smartest thing to do. Titus flips Bateman over the ring ropes and an despondent Josh ask we go to commercial. They do. Thank God.
AD: NBC WM 27 Special, which is really an early AD for WM28
Back to the action, Darren Young is in a control segment by Matt Striker. Darren turns the table on Striker. AJ and Hornswoggle are playing love birds at commentary. Really? Come one. Striker is taking a beating at Darren’s hands. Josh mentions that it has been four years since Striker has been in the ring. Bateman tags in and he goes to work on him. Regal says that Darren young has become an excellent Tag Worker. Bateman has Striker in a lock as he works to his feat. Bateman throws him down and kicks him into the back. Regal says he took a Rosetta stone course on Hornswoggle’s “Language”. When Pressed, Josh gets Regal to admit that It comes in a green box. Great. So relevant you two. Bateman kicks Titus off the apron and then as the ref goes to check on him, Darren and Bateman beat on Striker. Darren is tagged in and the struggle in the middle of the ring as Striker tries to get to Titus. Striker is slowly rolling toward he jumps over Darren and tries to roll him up. AJ is talking about I don’t know on commentary and the camera has cut to her. Seriously. She’s not cute. I cry wanting to see Maryse back on the show. Bateman was tagged in and back slams striker. It goes to a double pin situation. Titus and Darren are in. Titus is fired on and ready to go. Titus knocks Bateman off the ring. He scoops slams Darren and goes for pin. He kicks out. Darren tries to use the ropes. It leads to a pin attempt. Darren uses the ropes to his advantage. Striker sees this and runs down the apron of the ring and pushes Darren’s feet off the ropes for the save. Darren young turns his back on Titus to yell at Striker. Titus grabs Darren young slams him and gets the pin for the win.
WINNERS: Matt Striker and Titus O’Neil
AJ and Hornswoggle join Striker and Titus in the ring to celebrate the win. It is so cute it makes me want to happily cut my wrists.
In the NXT Chat, The Fink says “And They Lived Happily Ever After!!!!!!!” The End. Thank God. The show is over.
I made a huge mistake last week. I Mistaken said “Cult of Personality” was from Extreme. Opps, wrong band. So to make it up to you, I’m giving you Extreme’s Rest In Peace. It’s on their “III Sides to Every Story” Album
One of the few things I do is not to be a total dick when I do the recap and keep my comments to myself till this section. When I write them in, I have generally pulled them from the draft of the recap before it goes to the Captain oh My Captain, Adam Martin. As you can see, I’ve not bothered one bit this week. In fact, I’ve written more in this week. When I’m done with this recap, I am going to print out a page of it. Crumble the paper up and yell, “Fu*k this show”. Yes Wrestleview VIPs, I just went there. For the Non-VIP, the action I just described indicates tonight’s show was very bad.
Okay, Matt Striker got back in the ring. You know what. The stuck up know it all even looked good. But we then talk about commentary. Simply put the antics of AJ and Hornswoggle on the Commentary Desk ruined the match and has set me off in this week’s recap. I mean on paper it seems reasonable. AJ and Hornswoggle come out to the ring and support Titus. I’m all good with that. Wait.. hold on. You’re going to put headsets and microphones on those two? &%#! For crying out loud, you put a mic on a character that grunts, squeals, and giggles on commentary. Oh wait, the diva with him is going sugarcoat this by playing translator in between patty-cake with him. &%#! me. There’s only one explanation for this and I want to know what was in the hookah when they approved this.
In more bad news, Maryse has had some real bad times recently. First she had to get a restraining order on a crazed fan. No, that is not Hornswoggle. It’s some real old dude who creepily wants to “take her to heaven”. And no, that is not a euphemism for sex. Tonight she was not on the show due to surgery to repair a hernia. I wish her well and a good recovery. She is already greatly missed from the show.
Okay, not all gloom and doom. Tyson Kidd had a promo this week to extend the feud with Yoshi Tatsu. He’s talking about “his” WWE and what’s not in “his” WWE. What’s not in his WWE is Yoshi Tatus. If I didn’t know he was from Canada, I’d think he was some Country Bumpkin Redneck. Cause that’s how they talk about America. Regardless, I like Tyson talking about “his” WWE. It excludes the fun stuff fan likes. In short, it’s a great seed for a great heel promo and isolationist gimmick.
Kozlov and JTG was fun tonight. A bizzaro wacky fun that has brought to the end of another bet between JTG and Kozlov. Now if I was a betting man, I would at this point take every bet from JTG. I’d be rich, or in jail for accepting stolen goods.
So the show wasn’t so bad. Just Hornswoggle on commentary was. It was so cute it makes me want to happily cut my wrists. Not really, I like living. Plus I’m off to see those sexy Diva Images on WWE.com. See, Life is good again.