Reality From Ringside #44
December 21, 2009
By: Doug Lackey of

Final Resolution 2009: The Hangover

As I sit down in front of my always-trusting laptop to write my final ?pay-per-view hangover? of 2009, I?m left with a very odd feeling. It’s very hard to describe but I?ll try my damnedest?

In sales, it’s all about the numbers. The more your sell, the more assured you are that you will still have a job the following day, week, month, or year. You have just been told by your regional manager that you will be getting a brand new general manager for your store. After a mediocre ‘sales rally? from the regional manager invoking scare tactics, you have been told that this move would become a changing moment within not just your store, but the company as a whole.

The catch? This speech was given over a month ago. The new general manager will not be working his first day for another month. You have been told that you need to shape up or ship out. You have been told to make this the greatest store ever and sell the best to your abilities.

Everyone within the sales industry and this company knows this new general manager as a ?legend?. His repertoire within the industry is never questioned, often lauded as historic, groundbreaking, and standard-bearing.. What are his standards for you as a salesman? Are your numbers up to par to the miracle-worker’s inherent goals?

You have no idea. You have been working and selling to the best of your abilities. The anxiety courses up your spine. You were walking on pins and needles before, but now they feel like shards of glass drenched with lemons and salt.

Imagine how the entire staff of TNA feels? because I believe that is how they feel right now. And after last night’s TNA pay-per-view, who knows what will happen the first Monday of January and for months to come.

Until then, all we can do is attempt to answer the questions we?re left with from what seems to be nowhere near a ?final resolution??

What is the Motor City Machine Guns? purpose in TNA?

For the past two months, we have seen Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin perform how we have always expected them to. Obnoxiously blatant set-spots, hamming it up to the camera with facial expressions and over-demonstrative posing, and taking wrestling-equivalents of shotgun blasts to the abdomen only to kip back up after Player 1 mashed on the X-button hard enough? such is the MO of MCMG.

From basic tag-team contests to four-way dances, MCMG has never attained a championship of any kind as a tag team consistently putting on their acrobatics display for the same crowd week in and week out only to stay put in the pecking order.

Sure, they have grabbed singles titles? but what was the purpose of staying together as a tag team during that time?

And what the hell happened with all of those humorous sketches they would do involving a fake 1-800 number selling mundane trinkets? Was that supposed to build a character of some kind?

Speaking of character, when was the last time you can recall them showing ANY at all inside the ring, outside of the ring, on a microphone, or responding to a crowd’s ovations?

Imagine this ?TNA Store? that I envisioned in the beginning of the hangover. You have your commissioned salesmen who are trying their damnedest to sell and build their client base. Then you have the customer service representatives who sit behind an information desk.

These are your hourly employees who have only a few purposes and responsibilities. Their job title sounds essential, but they are just as easily replaceable as a salesman who doesn?t achieve their goals. They clock in, answer phone calls and relay messages, handle cash transactions, and clock out. They do nothing to better the store or the industry as a whole.

Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin are TNA’s customer service representatives.

Which TNA Title serves more of a purpose: The X-Division Title or Knockouts? Tag Team Titles?

Name how many title defenses Amazing Red has had since defeating Samoa Joe for the X-Division Title at ?No Surrender? last September. GO!

Name how many different tag teams ?those two girls? have faced after becoming the first-ever Knockouts? Tag Team champions since ?No Surrender?. GO!

Amazing Red or ?Those two girls?? which champions make you want to cheer for them more when you see them perform? GO!

When Samoa Joe lost the X-Division title, he immediately got a shot at the TNA World Title and now has another one coming up in the future now that he won the corresponding briefcase in the ?Feast or Fired? cluster. last night. Does that mean the same will happen with Amazing Red?

Tag team titles historically have always been used as props to help performers ascend to higher places, and if you?re asking for historical references then you need to have your noggin examined. So since ?Those two girls? have been so successful at defending these titles, does that mean we will see one of them becoming Knockouts? Champion?

It would not shock me January 4th if we see an amazing amount of title changes. TNA wants to try and re-introduce themselves to the wrestling world, what better way than to do a massive overhaul of the belts.

At the same time, this can help establish what has yet to be within the company? who should we be cheering for and throwing eggs at?

And, as always, the mindbender of a question we are left from the somewhat ?final resolution??

How much of the ?TNA Store? will the new general manager change?

I know this seems like a very ambiguous question but it can be questioned in smaller portions.

I see nearly every title changing hands in some way, shape, or form leading to new storylines and possibly more concrete character development.

While some would contend that the live January 4th show should be purely wrestling-heavy, I tend to disagree. I do not see anything wrong with having some segments involving interviews or feud development? but have them within the confines of the ring.

I believe TNA’s biggest problem with grabbing new viewers and consistently increasing their ratings has not just been marketing (Hogan’s debut will solve this), but trying to convince viewers that they are a ?professional wrestling? organization.

If a random channel-surfer stumbles upon Spike TV and finds Lauren looking like a confused 7-year old girl while interviewing any male who is using bigger words than you would expect from someone who seems to concentrate on lifting things more than reading? that channel-surfer would not have any idea what ?TNA? means in the information bar of the cable/satellite providers channel guide.

The ?TNA Store? will be going under some heavy renovations next month.

Will the general manager bring in new salesmen to help on the floor?

Will the regional manager visit the store every once and a while like she has been for the past 2 months, or will she go back to the home office and admire her new hardwood floors?

Will half of the sales staff have new titles on their business cards, or will they have business cards at all?

Speaking of business cards and sales? I need to get back on the clock myself. The difference between my general manager and TNA’s new general manager: Mine has a full head of hair, moves faster, and transformed me from a $200K/year salesman to an $800K/year salesman. Scoreboard.

Until next time, mouth-breathers!

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