Welcome to class once again, my WrestleView students!! I am so glad to see all of you yet again and another wrestling week has come and gone. Please make sure that you have your undivided attention, as we have a lot of subjects to break down this week. I even came up with a couple of homework assignments for you to complete within the next couple weeks as well. So, take a deep breath, gather your thoughts, and keep your eyes on the screen. Class is finally in session.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
?I?ll tell you what though; you see that poster with The Beautiful People? Folks if you call Don West, right now, Joe Montana will autograph that poster and an apple core and you can hang it on the ceiling above your bed.?
– Alex Shelley, TNA Impact on 9/10
When Shelley mentioned that, I could not help but to laugh. That is SO what Don West would do in order to get people to buy TNA merchandise. I hope that humored you this week.
86) When wrestling, the cardinal rule is to not have a wardrobe malfunction.
This of course goes out to the squash match during ECW on 9/8. To those who saw it (and wished they did not) there were some awkward moments in that match between Zack Ryder and a jobber named Rory Fargo. I was wondering what was wrong with the angles of the camera (and I am sure some of my students did the same). Well, on WrestleView.com, they posted that the reason for all that was that Fargo’s trunks ripped and things were exposed (I won?t say what though, this is a PG column for the most part).
It was a humiliating experience I would think for both wrestlers, especially Fargo. Who knows, maybe Fargo got enough ?exposure? to wrestle a few independent shows after this fiasco. So, to my students I ask you this one favor if you do want to be a professional wrestler. Make sure you get the good wrestling attire. Double check it if you have to. If there is something missing at the seems, tell the guys you can?t wrestle or else you, as well, might be in a nutty situation.
87) Do not put five matches on a show that only runs one hour.
I actually felt bad for Mike Tedesco when he had to cover WWE Superstars last week. I know that the WWE wants to give guys a lot of exposure, but this was ridiculous. It just does not work in this situation.
To make that show successful, they should have made it basically three or four matches. I think they tried five matches for ECW one week and it just went flat to me. Stick to the basics for a one hour show (ex. three matches and perhaps a storyline buildup or two) and Superstars will be alright again. My reason for this mess had to be the kickoff to the 2009 NFL Season between the Titans and My Beloved Pittsburgh Steelers.
88) Don?t make the editing too obvious.
I know those that have a keen eye saw this too. On the same WWE Superstars episode, we had a really weird ending to the Dolph Ziggler/Jesse (w/cornrows) match. The match ended with Dolph hitting his finisher after whipping himself to the ropes. Ah, the magic of editing.
On the replay to the same contest, the finish was changed and we instead see Dolph at the corner running at Jesse and executed his finisher. It just seemed like those old Madden football games where you don?t touch a runner and the runner goes down for some reason. It just looked like the editing department took a break and rushed production. I am not a big fan of that. On the bright side, the commentary of Grisham and Ross was great.
I am only going to give you literally a few sentences on the current headlines that are buzzing right now. I will save my class the time.
Jeff Hardy busted for many illegal substances
My Take: I am not surprised. Jeff had these problems throughout his career and now it is taking a turn for the worse with these allegations that he was trafficking and had police search and find objects that are suspicious. Are they serious? Obviously they are!! He is looking at jail time of at least three years and as much as over a decade.
Will he have jail time? I can?t say that one. One is innocent until proven guilty (as a couple students mentioned to me after my cry for the safety of Kurt Angle). I will just let the court deal with it. This subject has already been tarred and feathered as is.
Linda McMahon for U.S. Senate in Connecticut
My Take: I don?t know much about Sen. Chris Dodd (her opponent), but if Linda thinks she has a shot the she should go for it! I don?t care who is running or who gets elected in this country. The U.S. needs to get along, quit playing these ?he said; she said? games and solve the problems that are around this country today.
Please class; don?t talk politics with me (haha). I am not a political science major and do not have all the resources. I majored in elementary education thank you very much.
Honestly, does Linda McMahon have a shot? Though it would be great for her, I doubt she has a chance to win the election for U.S. Senate.
Jeff Hardy deletes his Twitter and MySpace pages
My Take: Don?t really care here. Those sites are a media magnet anyway. That is why I am sticking with FaceBook playing Farkle and Yacht.
B.G. James and Jim Cornette are gone with TNA
My Take: B.G. does not surprise me, as we did not see him since January anyway and he was nothing more than a road agent for the company anyway.
Cornette does surprise me a bit. He has a great wrestling mind and TNA had potential to benefit from this. I hope both can find work and fast.
Will those two be offered to go back to the WWE? B.G. probably not because he really can?t do much in the ring anymore and the fact he did have drug issues during his run there. As for Cornette, I think they should take a look again at him. If I am a betting man, I think it is the last we hear from these two on the mainstream wrestling circuit.
Kurt Angle, STILL TNA World Champion and STILL a free man.
My Take: When I did my little report on him a couple months ago, I thought he was in serious trouble given his track record since 2006. I am glad the case is closed on this and he can get on with his life.
As for Rhaka Khan, I hope this is the last time she ever makes it on my column. In my opinion she was useless anyway in TNA and was one of the worst women wrestlers in this era.
I got a couple suggestions for my detention list this week and I thought it would be fair to put them up here. If you, the students, would like to send me your suggestions, please e-mail them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Please try to not use the Yahoo, as I only check that now once a week.
Detentions this week go to:
Kevin Nash and Kip James – Why do these two have a job while Cornette is out of a job?
?Slap The Porpoise? – Still the same reaction to that one every time I hear it.
Ric Flair – Though you announced your retirement, you go and possibly sign a deal to wrestle Hulk Hogan. I can?t blame you if the money is good, but it proves that you lack integrity at times.
Hulk Hogan – Hogan vs. Flair would have been awesome when I was like nine years old. But now?.ugh.
Jim Breuer – Honestly, what has he done other than ?Half Baked? in order to still be on my TV? I would love to see Chuck Norris roundhouse kick him to The Sun (the center of our universe, not the newspaper)
From Paul Pomykala:
Sam Zell – for taking him two years to finally sell the Chicago Cubs.
The Chicago Cubs – for not winning a World Championship since 1908 (since the Pirates haven?t won one since 1979 Mr. V should not complain)
WWE – for not taking marijuana seriously.
All wrestlers who retire from a company then sign on with another one – Mr. V agrees on that one.
All wrestlers that should retire and have not done so yet – Attention Kevin Nash?
This week’s nominees are:
Cody Deaner – For still wanting a women’s championship. I am seriously considering picking ?him? to beat ?her? at No Surrender.
Ron Terry – Is he really as dumb as he looks? Maybe he is smart?.as he is stealing more money each week from TNA.
ETS and the Praxis Series – on this list forever?
Kanye West – I don?t watch MTV and happened to catch this on the VMAs. You made Taylor Swift a bigger star than she already was. You made yourself one of the biggest fools in the modern music era. Don?t cry to everyone you see you knew what you were doing.
Hulu – I had to watch Smackdown on your website, and had a rough time grading a particular Belfast Brawl because about 75% of it was edited out.
WWE Classics – Seriously??? What is up with making blood in black and white? No wonder why people don?t pay $7.99 for that garbage.
Pittsburgh Pirates – Because at least the Cubs made the playoffs a while ago.
Jenna Morasca – When you did not train hard enough, it was bad and it showed in the ring. When you blame TNA for your downfall, then it is a joke. You are on this list until further notice.
**Any other suggestions for the detention list? If so, let me know by e-mailing me at email@example.com **
MISTER V?S HONOR ROLL FOR THE WEEK OF SEPT. 7 – SEPT. 11, 2009
This was an average week to be a wrestling fan I thought. Though there was some solid wrestling in the ring by all three promotions, none of them got the coveted ?A? grade from me. Call me indecisive, but I think I have an idea of what I look for in a wrestling match. Anyway here are my top three match from this past week.
Highest Honors: Jerry Lynn vs. Tyler Black, ROH on HDNet, September 7.
I liked the flow of this match between the two of them. It had a technical wrestling vibe throughout the contest and I thought it was entertaining because both worked the match well here. Adding an antagonist like Nigel McGuinness (ROH will sorely miss him) to keep Tyler unfocused was pretty nice to see.
Jerry Lynn can still go here. Sure, he is the oldest ROH wrestler by far but he gives the fans their money’s worth every time he is in the ring. I like the ‘semi-retirement? angle that he is doing. As for Tyler Black, this may be his best match so far. It might be even better than his matches with Danielson because Bryan really carried him in those three matches. Though Black lost this match, I think it really helped in his quest to be the next ROH champion. Now if Black can shake off that neck (and a LONG neck at that) injury.
Move of the Match: Superbomb by Jerry Lynn, followed by the TKO.
High Honors: CM Punk vs. Matt Hardy, Friday Night Smackdown, September 11.
This was Matt Hardy’s best work since he feuded with Jack Swagger months ago. He still is a little sloppy in the ring, but he did offset it with a solid blend of submission and brawling tactics. You could see that hated Matt had for CM Punk since Jeff’s absence, and it showed.
CM Punk cements his status here at a top guy for the WWE. He can beat an opponent with anything. He has come a long way in his career in such a short period of time for a WWE Superstar. His gimmick is perfect and his arsenal in this match was done well. The right guy won this match, and it helped build up the already-completed Undertaker/CM Punk main event at Breaking Point.
Move of the Match: Though early in the match, I was giving high marks to Matt Hardy for doing three neckbreakers in a row to Punk. However it was great to see the Anaconda Vice again.
Honors: HHH and Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton and Chris Masters, Monday Night RAW, September 7.
This match had a nice solid flow to it. The action was well-paced and not rushed like recent main events for this show. I really liked that though Chris Masters took the job he looked much better that night. Degeneration X worked well together that night. The chemistry with them was unparallel. From looking at my notes, I did not see much of Orton except for his usual ?destroy-all-limbs? tactics. It was not overpowering, just a solid main event for (in WWE’s eyes at least) their #1 show.
Move of the Match: The Finish! HHH applied the Sharpshooter on Orton and Michaels did the Figure Four on Masters.
Honorable Mention goes to: Briscoe Brothers vs. King/Titus on 9/7; MVP vs. Jericho on 9/7; Cena vs. Rhodes on 9/7; The Hurricane vs. Birchill on 9/8; Benjamin/Sheamus vs. Tatsu/Goldust on 9/8; British Invastion vs. Booker T/Steiner vs. Beer Money vs. Team 3D on 9/10; Daffney/Flash vs. Sarita/Wilde on 9/10; Lethal vs. DiNaro on 9/10; Styles/Daniels vs. Angle/Joe on 9/10; Knox vs. Finlay on 9/11; Jericho/Big Show vs. Cryme Tyme on 9/11; and Haas vs. Morrison on 9/11.
Worst Match of the Week – Zack Ryder vs. Rory Fargo
It pains me to do this, since Fargo is a FaceBook friend. But when the match ends and you rip your trunks, you??
Take it away, Mr. Barker?.
(If it does not show, it is Bob Barker holding up a card that says ?Fail?, I thought it was funny)
Next week I may debut the Press Your Luck Whammies in my column.
Dishonorable Mention goes to: Kingston vs. Rinauro on 9/7; Marella vs. Show on 9/7; Kane vs. Wang Yang on 9/10; Katie Lea vs. Nikki Bella on 9/10; Ziggler vs. Jesse on 9/10; Abyss vs. Dr. Stevie on 9/10; Tara vs. Deaner on 9/10; and Melina vs. Layla on 9/11.
WEEKLY TV WARS
I hope you liked the new format. I just pick the best segment and match of each show. It is a lot easier for me because:
1) It saves me time a bit.
2) It saves you from missing the school bus because you read the column.
Of course if you think a show deserves a point, please let me know by sending me your vote to firstname.lastname@example.org.
ROH on HDNet (September 7)
Best Segment: Nigel McGuinness telling Tyler Black and Jerry Lynn to keep their eye on the ball.
Best Match: Jerry Lynn vs. Tyler Black
Monday Night RAW (September 7)
Best Segment: Anything, and I mean ANYTHING involving Bob Barker was just superb!! I have been a Bob Barker mark for years and his book is a MUST READ.
Best Match: Degeneration X vs. Randy Orton and Chris Masters
ECW (September 8)
Best Segment: Not sure here, I will have to go with Regal talking to Tiffany right before the main event.
Best Match: The Hurricane vs. Paul Birchill
WWE Superstars (September 10)
Best Segment: When Dolph was looking in a mirror (sorry Mike Tedesco, this show was brutally bad).
Best Match: None really, but if I had to pick one?.Sheamus vs. Yoshi Tatsu
TNA Impact (September 10)
Best Segment: I would have to say I was entertained by all of the confrontations going on with World Elite and Main Event Mafia.
Best Match: British Invasion vs. BookenStein vs. Beer Money vs. Team 3D
Friday Night Smackdown (September 11)
Best Segment: Opening segment with Undertaker verbally sparring with CM Punk. Close second to ?Mr. Ziggles?.
Best Match: CM Punk vs. Matt Hardy
Student’s Choice: TNA Impact (1 Point)
Mr. V’s #2 Show of the Week: Friday Night Smackdown (1 Point)
This was very close between Smackdown and Impact for me this past week. I gave the slight edge to Smackdown because first off, it was the go-home show. The feuds worked well. John Morrison really reached a top tier face status with his speech towards Rey Mysterio and ripping on Dolph Ziggler a bit. The matches were all pretty good, sans the diva bomb again. TNA had a couple stinkers on the card, and I do weigh the grades a bit on wrestling if there was a tie breaker.
Mr. V’s #1 Show of the Week: Monday Night Raw (2 Points)
Out of all the guest hosts, Bob Barker was the best one of the bunch. The crowd was hot throughout the show, and I though it was the booking of the show. The charm overall was solid. The matches were entertaining for the most part and it really helped push the tag team contenders. Hunter Golden had it right when he mentioned it going a ?Good Muppet Show?. I knew the show was going to be good, but not that good. RAW survives the sudden rush of Impact for another week in the overall standings.
CLIFF NOTES (for those in a pinch)
Best Show: Monday Night Raw
Runner-Up: Friday Night Smackdown
Student’s Choice: TNA Impact
1) Friday Night Smackdown (52 Points)
2) Monday Night Raw (35 Points)
3) TNA Impact (33 Points)
4) ECW (18 Points)
5) ROH on HDNet (7 Points)
6) WWE Superstars (1 Point)
COMMENTATOR REPORT CARD (Presented by: JR’s Family Bar-B-Q. MAN!!! I wish they had a restaurant at the Waterfront in Pittsburgh, PA. Heck, even Toby Keith is opening one up here. Make it happen, JR!!!)
My grades are finalized for this week. I will keep it short in order to have a nice, quick flow to my usual 10 page columns.
Michael Cole: C (2009 Grade: D) **Current Leader of The Dunce Cap**
Jerry Lawler: C (2009 Grade: C)
Josh Mathews: A (2009 Grade: B) **Dean’s List**
Matt Striker: A (2009 Grade: A-) **Dean’s List**
Todd Grisham: B (2009 Grade: B+) **Dean’s List**
Jim Ross: A- (2009 Grade: A) **Dean’s List**
Mike Tenay: B- (2009 Grade: C+)
Taz: C (2009 Grade: C)
Mike Hogewood: C- (2009 Grade: C-)
Dave Prazak: C (2009 Grade: B-)
PREDICTIONS FROM THE FACULTY STANDINGS (as of Breaking Point)
(Breaking Point win/loss records are in parentheses)
1) Joe Baiamonte (Baiamonte’s Casa)????????…76-47 (4-3)
2) Josh Boutwell (Viva La Raza and TNA Recapper)…??71-52 (4-3)
3) Jose Marrero (Wrestling Rumblings)???????.?69-54 (3-4)
4) WrestleView Students (The Loyal Readers)?????..69-54 (4-3)
5) David Stephens (That’s a Wrap and ECW Recapper)??68-55 (3-4)
6) Josh Piedra (The Shoot)?????????????..62-41 (5-2)
7) Matt O?Brien (Notes From The Nosebleeds)?????..62-46 (4-3)
8) Anthony Valvo (From the Desk of Mr. V)??????..62-61 (3-4)
9) Mike Siciliano (Pro’s From the Palace)???????…57-40 (3-4)
10) Phil Chroniger (On Second Thought..)????????54-50 (—)
11) Doug Lackey (Reality From Ringside)????????46-42 (5-2)
12) Sean Hurley (The Sharpshooter)??????????..45-31 (5-2)
13) Chris Kelly (King of All Wrestling Media)??????..43-30 (3-4)
14) Mike Tedesco (Smackdown and Superstars Recapper)??24-14 (3-4)
15) Mike Klubnik (Stylin? and Profilin?)?????????.14-12 (—)
16) Ryan Droste (Ask WV)???????????????4-4 (—)
Thanks to all who participated this week! See you all for No Surrender on Sunday.
MR. V?S ?NEVER DUPLICATED? GOLD STAR SEGMENT!
This week’s Gold Stars are presented to:
John Cena – For not quitting after a brutal battle to be the WWE Champ.
To all who knew the Taker/Punk match was scripted – It was scripted in there and by no means ?The Montreal Screwjob part deux?.
Kofi Kingston – Still baffled as to how he kept the title for so long.
ECW Announce Team – They hit it out of the part last week (and on 9/15 they one-upped it)
Zack Ryder – 2 go to you for 1) The theme song and 2) now the new #1 contender for the ECW Title
Matt Morgan – For finally getting a bit of revenge against Kurt Angle
Legacy – You did accomplish something that not many can do, make HBK tap out.
Jerry Lynn – You continue to amaze the fans after all these years.
Patrick Lorang, VKingoftheWorldV, and SUPERSTARZZ – Best Breaking Point predictions out of the student body at 5-2.
Josh Piedra, Doug Lackey, and Sean Hurley – Best Breaking Point predictions out of the WrestleView Faculty at 5-2.
Joe Baiamonte – He STILL has the best overall record, maintaining his 5 win advantage over runner-up Josh Boutwell.
WV Students – Now tied for third overall.
Team RJ (fantasy football team) – Completely destroyed my fantasy football team this week. And next week I have Trey Dawg’s team (this can?t be good).
To all who read this lengthy weekly column – Much thanks to you all.
Adam Martin – Thanks for the plug. As for the Friday Fishbowl, I will keep in touch with you on that. Also, for acknowledging on the WrestleView Radio Network that you enjoy my column. I am honored to hear that.
Hunter Golden – Happy Belated Birthday Boss!
Beyonce – For being a class act during that awards show last weekend. Kanye can learn a thing from you.
Kim Clijsters – Normally I don?t do this for tennis players, but great job winning the U.S. Open. Seeing childbirth first hand, anyone that gives birth and then wins a world championship gets an ?A? in my gradebook.
Edinboro Fighting Scots, Pittsburgh Steelers, Hopewell Vikings, Aliquippa Quips, Pitt Panthers, and Monaca Indians – Way to win your games this past weekend guys!
Mr. V’s not-so-regular Homework Assignment
Well, I finally have a few questions that I came up with. You can answer one of them or answer all of them. It is up to you class. (Due October 1st)
First Question: We all know that Trish Stratus was the guest host for Monday Night Raw last Monday. However, she came out with a new hair color (brunette). Most of the wrestling student body remembers her talented in-ring work as a blonde. So class, here is the first question?..
Does Trish Stratus look better as a blonde or brunette?
Second Question: Some wrestlers have some great theme music. From ?Oh Radio? to ?The Final Countdown? I am asking you to do the following students?.
Pick your top five wrestling theme songs of all time.
This one is important. I must have at least fifteen students to come up with their answers. The more the merrier. You can give me an explanation, but you don?t have to. The higher the ranking the more points it will get.
#1 song – 5 points
#2 song – 4 points
#3 song – 3 points
#4 song – 2 points
#5 song – 1 point
They can be from any genre (Classic WWF, WCW, TNA, WWE, ROH, whatever), as long as it has been played for a wrestler. I will compose the overall list in a small special edition (with youtube clips of course).
On a side note, I want to say how awesome Josh Piedra’s column was this week. Check it out class, as you have a chance to participate in his ?King of the Ring? booking game. And also, he asked for forgivness for a ten-page column. I say if you have a lot to say, then say it 🙂 At least that is what I was taught to say.
Well, that sums up another edition From the Desk of Mr. V. As always, if you want to chat wrestling you can always go on FaceBook and ask me your questions (I am on there at least once a day). You can also e-mail your comments to my address at email@example.com.
It is the end, and you know what that means. Time to push in your chairs, walk in a straight line, and exit your classroom door (more than likely your computer room or dormitory room). Until Predictions From The Faculty, I bid you good tidings and cheer! Thanks for reading and you are all officially?????DISMISSED!!
Look me up on Facebook under Anthony J. Valvo in the Pittsburgh Network
Mr. V does neither Twitter nor MySpace
And as always, if not for the students there would be no Mr. V. Thanks again for reading this lengthy column.