Greetings once again my loyal students. I hope you are all doing well on your second week of school. Mr. V here once again to provide you with all that you really need to know this past week in the world of wrestling.
I?ll be honest, I was afraid that we would not have a column this week. I am actually not at my desk this week, as I am at the desk of the father-in-law. I won?t mess with him though, the guy was the State Commander for the Pennsylvania Division of the VFW. So if he wants the computer, he wins! Anyways, I will keep this column shorter than the usual and get back to my regular routine next week in column #33.
Quote of the Week
“Nothing gives me quite so much joy as when people tell me they?ve had their pets spayed or neutered.”
– Former TV Personality AND Guest Host of RAW Bob Barker
Before I continue, I have a confession to make. Now class, brace yourselves on this, as I will only say this once?
MR. V PLAYED SICK AT LEAST FIVE TIMES A SCHOOL YEAR (EXCEPT COLLEGE)
And NO, I will not be in detention for this. The excuse is legitimate. Seriously there were so many fads in my childhood. Some of them were Urkel, Full House, and Press Your Luck. But when I was in a slump during the school year I played a ?pretend I am sick card? and slept in until 10:45am. Once the time approached, I had Mama V make me some chicken soup and I had The Price Is Right on every time I played sick. I know, it is bad to do this but I just want to be honest. And besides, if anyone ever says that they never skipped school to watch the Price is Right, then those are not honest people. They are lying. Maybe the next time a politician asks if there are any questions, someone should ask them if they skipped school to watch the Price Is Right. If they say no, don?t vote for them.
So to you Bob Barker, I say thank you for your time on CBS AND on Monday Night Raw Last Monday (I won?t grade that show until I watch the others). And YES, my pets have been neutered as per Mr. Barker’s advice.
Well for the second straight week, I am not going to be issuing out one classroom rule. I am kind of on vacation once again and I don?t feel like any rules need to be in place at this time. I will continue the classroom rules next week. Sorry to disappoint.
Headline #1: BOB FU**ING BARKER LIVE!!!!
Ok, I am sorry about that excitement. But among all the guest hosts, Mr. Barker was as good (if not better) than Shaq and RAW for the first time in a while was enjoyable from start to finish. It was the first time that I did not really care all that much about the wrestling and more into the guest host.
The segments were perfect. Barker had some great quotes and great gestures. I mean seriously, how many 85-year-olds out there can have a crowd at the palm of their hands? Not a whole lot. We all know that he trained in martial arts and he beat down Chavo Guerrero, but still we all remember his fight with Adam Sandler in Happy Gilmore as his best one.
Ok, the quality sucks but to those who have not seen it before it is quite a treat.
To conclude on my marking out to Bob Barker I have advice to all the celebrities who plan on being the guest host of RAW?.
You don?t have to be a poser like Jeremy Piven, just do what you do best. Bob Barker probably was a casual fan and nothing more. And guess what?the crowd in Chicago ate it up! Sure, maybe he messed up once when he was wondering if Santino Marella lost. But still it could be worse. Remember SummerFest?
Headline #2: TNA lost their Love
Let’s face it, those TNA Knockout Tag Titles were going to The Beautiful People. That faction was one of the best things going for TNA and then something happened. Angelina Love is not released. Why? The reason behind her termination was problems with her working visa. I honestly hope that this is the only reason, as she really brought her own in women’s wrestling here.
Remember class, The WrestleView Faculty AND the Students all selected her as the Woman’s Wrestler of the Half-Year. I guess it will be tough for her to get the 2009 award now.
Now I know I have bashed TNA in the past, but something should have been done about her working visa well before it expired. I mean how many whammies (Press Your Luck Reference) will TNA receive? First Angle, then Playboy pulling Traci out of the magazine, and now they lose their top female star and possibly the faction
Now I hope that it is just a visa issue. Class, my take on this is simple. She will be back in TNA immediately after the gets things cleared out. If you don?t see her back in a few months, then there might have been more to this that we don?t know. But I do hope we see Angelina Love back in the ring, no matter where she ends up.
Mr. V’s Detention and Eternal Detention List
Students, I am a little disappointed in all of you. Here I am waiting to see if you wanted anyone to be considered in this dubious list of wrestlers/pop culture brats. But I got one!!!! I?ll let it slide this week, but I expect at least a couple of you to e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org to submit your nomination.
Well, please allow me to present those who should be in detention this week..
Big Show and The Great Khali ? Rumors are that you both got into a brawl after your match in Puerto Rico over a missed spot. Guess who botched the spot? I think I will put both of them in here until they hug and make up.
Jenna Morasca ? Last week on the list! Thank you for not extending your deal with TNA. Now go back to being irrelevant.
Dr. Ken and Jeremy Piven ? Though I know I am beating a dead horse here, Bob Barker totally OWN?D YOU after your debacle last month!!!
?Slap The Porpoise? ? Just like those Chavo/Hornswoggle matches, once a month is even going too far in these.
Quizno’s Talking Oven ? You are really annoying.
Overzelous Subway Winners ? Really what guy now wears a newer Nickelback T-Shirt anyways? And this is coming from a guy that owns a tie-dyed Chicago T-Shirt from 2000.
Micheal Cole ? You did a decent job a couple days ago, but you are still on notice.
DH Smith ? Quit complaining that the WWE did not put the Hart Dynasty at SummerSlam. Did John Morrison, Kofi Kingston, or Evan Bourne complain that the missed out on the card? NO! I am sorry, but your last name does not automatically give you a push.
TNA ? Seriously? A Kevin Nash needs a valet contest just to promote yet another ex-WWE Diva?
Jim Breuer ? Your Pizza Hut commercials are boring and unwatchable. A 42-year-old pretending he is a college student is JACKPOT? Seeing you get run over by a train?JACKPOT!!!!
Evander Holyfield ? From Boxing Champion to dressing in drag for a Taco Bell commercial. Now I know that MMA is way better than boxing.
Rob Terry ? Is he really that dumb or does he look that way? Can someone explain why he is not in the minors right now?
Jesse Neal ? I respect what you did in the Navy, but your time in TNA is a joke!
ETS and the Praxis Series ? I just don?t like this organization and I know many of you don?t as well.
Cody Deaner – He could be TNA’s Future Knockout’s Champion, but who cares?
Kurt Angle and Jeff Jarrett ? Quit sucking up to each other. Just admit to everyone that you hate each other and tell the truth for once in your lives.
Jeremy Borash ? You look like a weasel on TV. Maybe I am a bit harsh, but I can?t stand him from his tweets to him hogging all the interview time on TNA.
MB69RatedR (YouTube User) ? I still actually wonder how many times this guy gets out of the house. His rants should be taken to a psychiatric ward because this dude seriously needs help?and fast.
Pittsburgh Pirates ? WE DID IT!!! On the same year as the other Pittsburgh teams won world championships, you have found a way to set a record as well. Too bad is for most consecutive losing seasons of all time. Officially I can say this?17 years strong and counting?
Sean O?Haire ? I will not tolerate female assault anymore!! Seriously what is going on with wrestlers today?
Anyone who bids one dollar over someone else in a Price Is Right Bidding Game ? you are the biggest fools out there. You all deserve to be on this list.
So, there you have it on my detentions list. Does anyone else have a good idea on who should be on the list? E-mail me at email@example.com.
MR. V?S HONOR ROLL FOR THE WEEK OF AUGUST 31 ? SEPTEMBER 4, 2009
There were some pretty good matches last week on our television sets?and then there are some that are ?Honor Roll? worthy. I did have a tough time picking out the top three in a particular order, as I had three matches that got an A this past week. Well, once again, here goes nothing.
Distinguished Honors ? John Morrison vs. Rey Mysterio, Friday Night Smackdown, September 4.
To my students who want to be pro wrestlers, yet don?t have the look of a WWE Superstar just watch this match. These two gave their all in front of a grateful Cleveland crowd and gave us a match of the year candidate. I will go as far as saying this goes into my top three of the year right now, and might be my #1 (still, that ROH 4-Way Corner Title Match might have an edge). This match was one of the few that got my ?A+? grade because of a couple of reasons. First, it was short notice (because of Rey’s current suspension) and the flow of this match was perfect. It was neither too fast nor slow. Also, with all the comments that Jim Ross and Todd Grisham say about Morrison makes this title change a perfect fit for Morrison. I am probably bias, because I quickly became a Morrison, but now he has the look, charisma, talent, and enduring work ethic that will make him a main event superstar. And now he is the Intercontinental Champion. Only time will tell when he becomes a World Champion.
Rey put on a tremendous match as well. I know it takes two to tango (metaphorical speaking) and Rey was very classy throughout the contest. I knock on Rey at times because of the fact that maybe he should not get a top level push, but I stand corrected. Rey is golden when he wrestles guys like Jericho, Punk, or Morrison. It is Kane, Khali, and Knox that worries me.
Move of the Match: John Morrison’s counter on the post while Rey tried the top rope takedown, leading to Star Ship Pain.
High Honors ? AJ Styles vs. Chris Sabin, TNA Impact, September 3.
This match was #2 this week because there was a ton of content in this match (a lot of maneuvers in a average-length contest) and the transitions between Styles and Sabin were pretty good as not one missed anything.
It was a great match from these two, though Sabin really needs to get some wins. You have to give credit to Sabin for his abilities to not fully rely on his flying assaults. He actually was a bit technical in this match. When Sabin mixes it up a bit and does not go a mile a minute, he could be a pretty good wrestler.
AJ Styles was just tremendous in his first match of the night. He was able to hit his marks and work his magic once again. He just looks rejuvenated, and I don?t know if it is real life or just storyline, but this is the AJ TNA needs to market. AJ is one of the best all-around pro wrestlers this year (and I am including all wrestlers in WWE, TNA, and ROH). Hopefully TNA realizes this.
Move of the Match: Though it was not a finish, AJ’s package suplex was impressive!
Honors ? AJ Styles vs. Doug Williams, TNA Impact, September 3.
This match got my #3 ranking because the back and forth action was almost as good as AJ’s match with Sabin earlier on Impact. The counters to some moves were crisp and clean. Finally, the finish of this match was superb. Both did a terrific job in this match.
To my students who study out in the UK, why haven?t any of you told to me about Doug Williams? He is the best kept secret for TNA right now. This guy can put on an above average match against anyone. The way he moves in the ring and the flow in this contest is surprising to me given the fact that Williams is 37 years old. I really liked the fireman’s carry uppercut (looked as devastating as the Go 2 Sleep).
What more can I say about Styles? He was great in both matches and really showed that he can be a serious threat to the TNA World Title held by Kurt Angle. As a matter of fact, if Angle does face serious issues with the Pittsburgh law here who better to give the title to than Styles? I am sorry for my constant praising of AJ Styles; he was simply a treasure this past week. TNA has to strike while the iron is hot because Styles is in the best shape to win the TNA Title right now.
Move of the Match: Though Williams hit that fireman’s carry/uppercut combo, it is very rare to see AJ Styles hit the Phenomenon (Moonsault inverted DDT).
Honorable Mention goes to: Delirious vs. Sonjay Dutt on 8/31; Cabana/Necro/Albright/Redwood vs. Nana/Rave/Castagnoli/Osiris on 8/31; Chris Jericho vs. MVP on 8/31; Big Show vs. Mark Henry on 8/31; Kingston vs. Carlito vs. Swagger vs. Miz on 8/31; Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix on 8/31; Shelton Benjamin vs. Zack Ryder on 9/1; Sheamus vs. Goldust on 9/1; Evan Bourne vs. Chris Masters on 9/3; William Regal vs. Tyler Reks on 9/3; JTG/Shad/Torres vs. Smith/Kidd/Natalya on 9/3; Doug Williams vs. Suicide on 9/3; and CM Punk vs. Matt Hardy on 9/4.
Worst Match of the Week ? Vladimir Kozlov/Ezekiel Jackson vs. Jim Parks/Mike Toler, ECW, September 1.
I picked this as the biggest dud this week because I am tired of seeing these two face jobbers. Let’s see what they can do against some better competition. Also, Jackson still looks a bit sloppy in the ring. I just worry that he can actually hurt someone.
Dishonorable Mention goes to: American Wolves vs. Cheech and Cloudy on 8/31; Diva Battle Royal on 8/31, Hornswoggle vs. Chavo Guerrero on 8/31; Hernandez vs. Sting on 9/3; and Maria/Eve vs. Layla/Natalya on 9/4.
WEEKLY TV WARS
I am going to chop this portion down because I thought it was going way too long. So, let’s see if this is better for the eyes of my students. I will pick one segment that I enjoyed the most and one match that I enjoyed the most on each show. I apologize to my friends that are recappers if you all think that I am copying the idea. I just thought it would be easier for everyone to read. Hope this works out. I will then present, in my opinion, the two best shows in professional wrestling this week. As always, my students can vote and pick one show that they liked the best. At the end of the year, we will tally up all the points and present the Best Professional Wrestling Show of 2009.
ROH on HDNet (August 31)
Best Segment (non-wrestling): Toss up here, but I would go with the Eddie Kingston segment where he wants to simply destroy Chris Hero. Colt Cabana’s speech to his ?troops? was a close second.
Best Match: 8-Man Tag Elimination (Cabana/Necro/Albright/Redwood vs. Nana/Castagnoli/Rave/Osiris)
Monday Night RAW (August 31)
Best Segment: A lot of good ones with Dusty Rhodes, but the comedy bit with ?The Shockmaster? and DX was quite funny. A nice touch by adding Arn Anderson in the skit.
Best Match: (tie) MVP vs. Chris Jericho and U.S. Title 4-Way (Kingston/Carlito/Swagger/Miz)
ECW (September 1)
Best Segment: By Far The Abraham Washington Show. It was boring at first, but now adding Tony Atlas and his canned laughter is simply great. There is a difference between Altas? canned laughter and Cole’s?a big difference.
Best Match: Sheamus vs. Goldust
WWE Superstars (September 3)
Best Segment: Since there were none this week, I will pick the RAW Rebound because Dusty hit HHH with a shoe.
Best Match: Evan Bourne vs. Chris Masters
TNA Impact (September 3)
Best Segment: Comedy..would easily be when Booker and Kip James were yelling at each other. But I really liked the edginess (if that is a word) of Daniels? speech at Samoa Joe. You don?t put family into the business.
Best Match (tie): AJ Styles vs. Chris Sabin and AJ Styles vs. Doug Williams
Friday Night Smackdown (September 4)
Best Segment: Hands-down it was CM Punk dressing like Hardy and promoting his straight edged lifestyle.
Best Match: John Morrison vs. Rey Mysterio
Student’s Choice Vote: TNA Impact (1 point)
Mr. V’s Choices
Runner-Up: ECW (1 Point)
This show is slightly ahead of the pack (except for my winner) because it had some good wrestling and a strong segment with Birchill and The Hurricane. Throw in Tony Atlas to help Abraham Washington and we have potentially comedic gold here. Other than the Kozlov/Jackson squash I enjoyed the overall layout of this one-hour show.
Winner: TNA Impact (2 Points)
Very tough to go against TNA here, because they are really building up everyone (haven?t you noticed). I have been really interested to seeing how this all pans out. TNA has caught my attention these past few weeks which is the first time I said that since I watched Impact regularly. The matches for the most part were excellent. The only wrestlers that I think were not that great last Thursday was Sojo Bolt and Sting. Other than that, everyone came in and the ending to Impact was not bad. I am very excited to see where this all leads up to at No Surrender.
Cliff Notes (for those who don?t want to read a whole lot)
Students? Choice ? TNA Impact
Mr. V’s Runner-Up ? ECW
Mr. V’s Winner ? TNA Impact
1) Friday Night Smackdown (51 Points)
2) Monday Night Raw (33 Points)
3) TNA Impact (32 Points)
4) ECW (18 Points)
5) ROH on HDNet (7 Points)
6) WWE Superstars (1 Point)
Wow, Impact is actually closing in on RAW? That is very, very surprising. Stay tuned next week to find out if in fact Impact takes over the #2 spot.
Once again if you would like to take a crack with the 2009 Show of the Week, please cast your ballot and send it to Mr. V at firstname.lastname@example.org. Remember, I use my HOTMAIL account and NOT my YAHOO account.
COMMENTATOR REPORT CARD (Brought to you by: JR’s Family Bar-B-Q?looks like the only thing that has free shipping is the 12-pack of JR’s Original Bar-B-Q Sauce. Trust me on this class, this sauce is THE BEST I have ever had. And you can?t distrust an elementary teacher, right? So go get you some Bar-B-Q sauce today. And remember if it is not JR’s?Then Mr. V does not approve of it?unless Sweet Baby Ray’s greases Mr. V’s palms).
Since I am on my little vacation, I will give you my grades and no reasoning. Take with them what you want.
Michael Cole: C- (2009 Grade: D-) **Current holder of the Dunce Cap**
Jerry Lawler: B- (2009 Grade: C)
Josh Mathews: B (2009 Grade: B) **Dean’s List**
Matt Striker: B+ (2009 Grade: A-) **Dean’s List**
Todd Grisham: B (2009 Grade: A-) **Dean’s List**
Jim Ross: B+ (2009 Grade: A) **Dean’s List**
Mike Tenay: C+ (2009 Grade: C+)
Taz: B- (2009 Grade: C)
Mike Hogewood: C+ (2009 Grade: C)
Dave Prazak: C (2009 Grade: B-)
Mr. V’s Homework Assignment
Once again since I am not on break, no need to worry about homework. I will assign a homework assignment to the class next week. Sorry to disappoint
Mr. V’s Gold Star Segment
Once again, gold stars are aplenty so let us begin by giving out this week’s gold stars!
Bob Barker ? The man made Monday Night Raw an amazing show with his genuine attitude. That is proof that some elders are just awesome.
David Stephens ? for giving my students the coveted ?Column of the Week? in his latest column, That’s A Wrap! My 47 students did a great job on this and I am thrilled to finally get that piece done.
John Morrison ? Your NEW Intercontinental Champion!
AJ Styles ? Thanks for letting us know that you are truly ?phenomenal?.
Erik Estrada ? For self-promoting your ?Estrada? sunglasses in a Burger King Commercial. If it was real I know one thing to get for Christmas.
Neil Young ? Keep on Rockin? in the Free World.
Chris Kelly ? your rendition of the Barney theme song was classic. Now if I can only get that as a ringtone.
MVP ? maybe that move to RAW is actually paying off.
Suzanne Abshire ? for your continued support by e-mailing me every week since Mr. V #3.
WWE, ROH, and TNA ? Thank you for some great TV this past week.
Nigel McGuinness ? If it is truly 100% that you are going to the WWE, I say well done. You will do fine there and quite possibly turn heads.
Rey Mysterio ? Great show last Friday. Now I hope you don?t let this confusing suspension get in your way.
Kofi Kingston ? he deserves it mainly because he has taken on all comers and STILL is the U.S. Champion.
Eve Torres ? She went from another one of those ?Diva winning? eye candy ladies to showing the world that she can be a future Women’s Champion someday. She really went far this year.
Doug Williams ? A jolly good effort for the Brit. He is quickly becoming my favorite member of World Elite.
Chris Sabin ? For showing us that you are more than one-dimensional.
Sonjay Dutt ? Welcome back to ROH. He had a good showing against Delirious.
**NON WRESTLING ALERT** Students can scroll down if not interested
High School and College Standings
Mr. V is a HUGE High School Football fan, as I have many readers who play for various teams. I will only post a few of them because I know they are reading right now.
Hopewell (1-0) beat Knoch (Sophomore sensation Rushel Shell tore it up last week).
Aliquippa (1-0) beat Ambridge (A few of my former students are on this team?hope they do well).
Penn Cambria (1-0) beat Westmont Hilltop (My wife’s stepbrother is a dominant OL/DL for the Panthers. Great Job Out there)
Clairton (0-1) lost to Laurel (We can?t be perfect, but it is better to lose early than late).
Pitt (1-0) beat Youngstown State (Duh?)
Edinboro (1-1) lost to Shippensburg (I am shocked. I hope they don?t lose anymore this year).
If you are from the Pittsburgh area and want me to shoutout your high school team, let me know.
Mister V’s First Annual National Football League Predictions
Since a few are asking about this, I thought I would throw you all a bone. Please don?t take it to heart.
AFC East: 1) New England 2) New York Jets 3) Miami 4) Buffalo
AFC North: 1) Pittsburgh 2) Baltimore 3) Cincinnati 4) Cleveland
AFC South: 1) Indianapolis 2) Houston 3) Tennessee 4) Jacksonville
AFC West: 1) San Diego 2) Kansas City 3) Denver 4) Oakland
Wild Cards: Baltimore and Houston
NFC East: 1) New York Giants 2) Philadelphia 3) Washington 4) Dallas
NFC North: 1) Minnesota 2) Chicago 3) Green Bay 4) Detroit
NFC South: 1) Atlanta 2) Carolina 3) New Orleans 4) Tampa Bay
NFC West: 1) Arizona 2) Seattle 3) San Francisco 4) St. Louis
Wild Cards: Philadelphia and Chicago
Mr. V won?t predict playoffs until the post-season
Any predictions you want to offer is welcome, please send them to me at email@example.com.
Well, that wraps up another classroom session ?From the Desk of Mr. V?. I want to thank my in-laws for allowing me to use their computer today. If not for them, you would all suffer (or be happy). If I can say one more thing it is this?visit Cresson, PA!! It is in the Laurel Highlands near the central part of the only state to not have a budget, Pennsylvania. It is quiet and relaxing for those that just need to get away for a bit.
Also, please check out the latest special I completed called ?The 2009 WrestleView Student Choice Awards, found at this link:
Well, as always if you have any questions, comments, or any feedback whatsoever you can contact the teacher at firstname.lastname@example.org. I read all my e-mails, so fire away.
Until the next piece that I work on (which will be the Breaking Point Predictions feature), I am Mr. V reminding you to push your chairs in and leave your computer (unless you continue to surf on wrestleview.com or jrsbarbq.com). You are all???DISMISSED!!!
Look me up on Facebook under Anthony J. Valvo in the Pittsburgh Network
Mr. V does neither Twitter nor MySpace
And as always, if not for the students there would be no Mr. V. Thanks again for reading this lengthy column.