Let me say it again…
It is finally the first stay of school for about 97% of the college/high school crowd!! For the readers that are just ?a bit? older, please excuse my excitement. When I think of the first week of school?it is like Christmas Morning?
Play away, Johnny Mathis?play away.
Sadly, time for me to stop drinking the Corona while I am sitting on my patio counting down the days that school begins. Time for Mr. V to stop allowing the students to create the rules for me (I know some of you are grumbling, but thanks for a great summer of rules). It is time to actually make my living the way I do best. Time for Mr. V to dress in his best shirts and ties, yes tacky. I am known to have a rubber duck tie and, my students? personal favorite, a Bob The Tomato tie. Don?t ask if you don?t know.
Welcome to the return of the School Year Format From The Desk of Mr. V. I am your resident teacher and the best pro wrestling site in the world and I will provide some information from the past week in all the promotions. I will also provide an honor roll, a list of good (Gold Stars) and bad (Detention). I will also provide a commentary report card. Now students?for the first time in three months I can finally say this.
The bell has rung. Please enter the classroom (aka your computer room), spit out your chewing gum, and eyes on the screen. Class is in session for the 31st time this year!!
QUOTE OF THE WEEK
– Roberto Clemente
I try to live by this quote each day of my life. If I just sit around all day doing nothing, then I am wasting myself away. I feel like I have the opportunity to give you some knowledge on what is happening among the ?Big 3? of wrestling organizations. I feel like I am making the most of my opportunity without really sounding like a prototype mark (unless Shane Douglas is wrestling). I also, when in a classroom, want to make an Impact (no pun intended to TNA). I want a student to know that day’s information because it is my opportunity to do so. If I keep my vast knowledge in Math, Science, and even pro wrestling, then I really am wasting my time. So, once again thanks to my students and readers of this column. If you liked that quote, let me know. I honestly have to say out of all of the quotes, this is the best one so far.
Right now, I am on pace to have over 130 rules! My goal is only for this to be at 100, so this will be one of those rare weeks that we do NOT have a classroom rule. Relax, for it will be only for one week students!!
Headline #1: Rey Mysterio’s Suspension
Now, I can actually feel for Rey when violating the wellness policy. I too am about the same build as he is (I am only 5?5 and at least taller than Hornswoggle). Now, with that said I am not surprised that he would try to take the advantage and put foreign substances in his body.
Look, he had to wrestle the likes of guys? maybe twenty inches taller than him, and some weighting 200 pounds more!! The pain does take a toll, yet he wanted to be a main eventer, and the WWE was pushing him as that. So Rey got caught this time. I feel bad for him, but then again I don?t. It is pretty weird.
I feel bad because perhaps guys have to find a way to ?break the system? in order to succeed. When does Vince McMahon really promote guys that are small in size? The New Superstar Initiative has really only pushed one talent who weighed less than 200 pounds (Evan Bourne). Rey was doing everything he can to just really get a leg up on the competition, and now he is going to pay for it.
I don?t feel bad because he should not do this in the first place, given his reputation to children. Also, I don?t think it is the first time he had this wellness problem. Though not suspended, his name was mentioned in Sports Illustrated for using drugs such as nandrolone and stanozolol. I think the reason why he was not suspended for that in 2006 was because the Wellness Policy was not really set. Well now, this is Strike One for Rey. Hopefully it will be his last.
Now does he really need these drugs in his system to complete? I am not doctor, so I can?t answer that question. But if you have Rey among plenty of other stars in the WWE under the 225lb mark, maybe you should bring back the Cruiserweight Title. I know I may get beat up on this, but the WWE do have those wrestlers that are small-sized yet athletically gifted. Look at Rey, Bourne, Morrison, Haas, Noble, and maybe Bryan Danielson. The Cruiserweight Title can have that prestige and I for one would love to see it be brought back. I don?t want that title’s last holder be that of a guy like Hornswoggle.
I know he is in the dog house for many things. But reading the interview Rey had this past weekend smells awfully fishy. I mean when he was asked if he knew what drug he was using, he did not know. Yet, he had a prescription for it? Call me crazy, but when I get a prescription bottle, I have to know what is in it. For now, I side with the WWE on this one. With all going on in the pro wrestling world the past few years, get the suspension in early.
As for Rey’s Future, as long as the kids are cheering, he has a long-term stay with the WWE. He’s not going anywhere and the only way the WWE would send him packing is if Rey demands some dollar amount that is too high for Vince. So all I say is this?kids, relax. Rey will be back October 2nd, but don?t expect him to just have the Intercontinental Title in his possession.
Headline #2: Traci Brooks is pulled from Playboy
I guess TNA comes out a big loser in this one, huh? Don?t really have much to say. I don?t need those magazines anyway. Now if Traci put pictures on WrestleView.com, who knows? Book it, Adam!! I am sure Crelly has the pictures and will send them to you anyway. (It’s a joke Crelly, relax).
THE DETENTION AND ETERNAL DETENTION LIST
Time for those people that are so bad right now that they need a time out. Maybe it’s time that the lose their recess, take away their credit card, and perhaps their ?man card?.
Let’s present this week’s individuals?
Fans that steamroll children when wrestlers? throw something at their direction – For any of you that do that, perhaps you can punch yourself in the face and ban yourself from anymore wrestling shows.
Big Dick Johnson – I thought they got rid of you earlier this year. (I know he is on the creative team on RAW or SD, so whatever).
Floyd Mayweather’s Euntorage – Look, you are trying to look tough, but did anyone else notice a Pittsburgh Pirates cap in there? That just tell me that Floyd will probably lose that fight.
Overzealous Subway Scrabble Winners – Seriously, if you seen one of those people?throw water at them because they must be on fire.
Those Jeff Hardy Fans that cried when he said goodbye (excluding the 12 and under crowd) – Do you honestly think I was not going to laugh if I saw adult females and some males cry when he gave his good-bye speech? Give me a break, we all knew he was going to do it. Let the guy live a little bit. Honestly, how funny was it when the mother was cradling her 18-year-old daughter when Jeff was speaking?
Rob Terry – For just being known as a ?professional wrestler?.
Vladimir Kozlov and Ezekiel Jackson – We get it, they are strong and like to beat up jobbers. Now let’s see them wrestle someone with name value.
?Slap The Porpoise? – Students, one of your assignments should be to help Mike Hogewood find a catchphrase. This is almost as worse as ?uno,dos..adios? from Mike Adamle.
Daniels – Though you are one of my favorites on TNA, your DUI makes you a person worthy of detention.
Michael Cole – I am sorry to the students and professors that like this guy, but *sigh*?..he sucks.
Cody Deaner – I know that he was a great indy wrestler, but this gimmick of him fighting for a Women’s Title is almost as bad as Chavo vs. Hornswoggle.
TNA Management – It looks like you did your job in putting this whole Angle situation under the rug. I will not bend nor break, as you will be on this list until you clean up this mess!! However, congrats on making Impact more entertaining.
ETS and The Praxis Series – Just because I want to. Also, many students who actually took those test agree that they are a waste of money and whoever established this organization should have a pineapple shoved in their behind.
Jeremy Borash – He is a troll! The only time you really see him is when he is talking to a main eventer. Less Borash and more Lauren would be a good thing. Besides, Lauren has worked for The Golf Channel and did a very good job and is more convincing than Borash.
MB69RatedR – I know I am a contradiction waiting to happen, but you? You say your refuse to watch WWE, yet will ?occasionally watch? Dolph Ziggler, Melina, etc? Get your facts straight, loser.
** If you want to nominate someone for Detention, you may do so by e-mailing me at my fairly-new e-mail address: email@example.com **
MISTER V?S WEEKLY HONOR ROLL
(For the Week of August 24 – August 28, 2009)
Overall, like always, We see some really bad matches this week from WWE, TNA, and ROH. Then we usually see some matches that are average. Then we see those matches that are ?Honorable Mention? worthy. Then there are those three that are simply ?Mister V-approved?, that means the match told a good story, showcased various tactics, and was creatively book well. So, students here are my picks for the top three matches from the past week:
Distinguished Honors – CM Punk vs. Jeff Hardy, Friday Night Smackdown, August 28.
This was a toss up between this match and the next one I will mention. This match had it all, physically and emotionally. Jeff Hardy’s ?Swan Song?. This match told a great story and closed the book on a very intense, well-written feud. I was just surprised how these two were able to put on a 10+ minute match after going through a TLC match just 2 days prior to this cage match. Obviously, the highlight of this match was the Superplex off the cage. Kudos to both CM Punk and Jeff Hardy, and thank you for being able to keep the contests fresh and always finding a way to add something more to this feud until the end of it this past week. Well Done.
High Honors – Austin Aries vs. Roderick Strong, ROH on HDNet, August 24.
If not for Jeff’s last match in a long time, this would have taken the top spot. Wow were they beating each other up stiff! The transitions in this contest were accurate, with neither one of them getting the upper hand until Aries cheated his way to the victory. The flow was perfect, as well as the in-ring chemistry with both of the guys. I can say that was a top five ROH on HDNet match. The highlight of this match was tough, but I am going to go with Crucifix Bomb by Aries after Strong was really taking a toll on him.
Honors – William Regal vs. Christian, ECW, August 25.
It’s about time an ECW match found a way to be in the top 3. I think those that were upset that their SummerSlam match only lasted 8 seconds were treated to a much better offering a couple days later with this battle. The action was good, the chemistry and technical wrestling was good. That is what you mainly expect from a Regal match, he is one of the best at that. Christian looked darn impressive in this match as well. Christian did not use too many high-flying tactics, which on some matches he uses way too much of. The ending was the highlight of the night here. Regal needed to win this in a cheating matter, and he did when Kozlov rammed his head to Christian’s chest and Regal hit his great Knee Trembler for the three count!
Honorable Mention goes to: Generico/Steen vs. Callihan/Kozina on 8/24; Mark Henry/MVP vs. JeriShow (credit Josh Piedra on this) on 8/24; DX/Vince vs. All Legacy on 8/24; Sheamus vs. Goldust on 8/25; Jack Swagger vs. Primo on 8/27; Paul Birchill vs. The Hurricane on 8/27; Ziggler vs. Finlay vs. Knox on 8/27; Hamada vs. Daffney on 8/27; Suicide/Daniels vs. DiNero/Joe on 8/27; AJ/Sting/Hernandez vs. Morgan/Booker T/Scott Steiner on 8/27; and Morrison/Matt Hardy vs. Hart Dynasty on 8/28; Mysterio vs. Kane on 8/28
Worst Match of the Week – Jesse Neal vs. Rhino, TNA Impact, August 27
I picked this match because it was BAD. I feel bad for Rhino here. Jesse Neal is terrible and I think will need a lot more training than what TNA is offering. But Rhino at least will be in the PPV against?oh yeah. Bobby ?I have WAY too many nicknames in TNA? Lashley. Hornswoggle and Chavo were lucky this week.
Dishonorable mention goes to: D?Lo Brown vs. Kermin on 8/24; Santino vs. Miz on 8/24; Phoenix/Mendes/A-Fox vs. Mickie/Kelly/Gail on 8/24; Chavo vs. Hornswoggle on 8/24; Kong/Saeed vs. Sharmel/Traci on 8/27; Suicide vs. Joe on 8/27; and Layla vs. Melina on 8/28.
WEEKLY TV WARS
This is the part where the students and teacher of WrestleView award points to the best shows this week. So, which one topped the charts this week’stay tuned.
If any of my WrestleView students would like to vote for the best show, please e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Winning show is awarded one point from my students.
Let’s take a look at what happened?.shall we?
ROH on HDNet (August 24)
Non-wrestling featured Jerry Lynn saying that wrestlers don?t retire and we will see him in the ring in a couple weeks vs. Tyler Black. We also had an Embassy segment hyping up next weeks match. Also, some segments highlighting Roderick Strong (does his talking in the ring) and Nigel McGuinness (for dropping the ball).
Wrestling was pretty good by my gradebook. The opening tag bout was solid with Kevin Steen winning. The main event stole the show, as we were seeing some excellent tactics in the ring featuring Aries and Strong. The only harp was the squash match won by D?Lo Brown. I know he is pretty good, but is he ROH’s version of Vladimir Kozlov?
Points: Zero Points this week.
Monday Night Raw (August 24)
The guest host on the 24th was Floyd Mayweather and he showed up for a little bit and helped MVP pin Jericho by way of brass knuckles. Vince McMahon got a 30 minute birthday segment featuring dancers, guys that jumped around, and someone popped out of a cake. I thought HBK and HHH did an ok job with this, and it seemed like they were killing time. Jericho and Show talked about how Mayweather is overrated and all hype, and MVP was good on the mic as well. Overall, the non-wrestling was ok, but it could be (and actually was) better the next week I cover this show.
The wrestling this time was average. The highlight was the tag team match that Mark Henry and MVP won. MVP really blends well with Jericho and Mark Henry is a perfect opponent for Big Show. This rivalry can, and hopefully will, go places. Their tag division needed this because the other teams are either too unproven or too young. The main event was better than I though as well. Still, how many times can Cole say ?Vintage? in one match. Cena interacting in this really was the clincher, continuing this feud that may end at Breaking Point (though doubtful because of that whole rematch clause). The other matches did not do anything for me. The divas tag match was shoddy, Chavo got DQ?d, and The Miz finally is getting pushed a bit.
Points: Zero Points this week.
ECW (August 25)
The non-wrestling segments showed a nice verbal arguments with Christian and Regal. I thought the interaction was good. I thought Tiffany interrupting to make this a main event contest was excellent, along with pairing up Shelton and Ryder (leading to their feud). Also, Shelton does his best impression of Louie Armstrong (which was not as good as his Hootie rendition)
**Fact of the Week: Darius Rucker (aka Hootie) and Benjamin are both South Carolina natives!!**
The booking on this card from a wrestling standpoint was excellent. The main event showed these two can really develop a strong feud in which both play an even factor. Sheamus and Goldust were well for yet another week, but this one resulted in a strongly contested double countout. Both wrestlers still look strong in this feud. The tag match in the middle was ok, but Tyler Reks looks nervous in the ring. Out of all the new superstars this summer, Reks is the most disappointing while Sheamus has clearly been the most impressive.
Points: Two Points from Mr. V (I thought it was the best show of the week. Nothing went really bad this week for ECW).
WWE Superstars (August 27)
The only thing that did not involve wrestling was Ask The Divas, in which I could care less about the ideal date or signs to look for. Here is a teacher’s answers that the Divas should have said:
Ideal Date: A dinner at a Japanese Hibachi Restaurant/Steakhouse (in Pittsburgh I think it is called Nakama), a movie (or sporting event to your sports-loving lady), and a night of cuddling and talking. That would be a Mr. V-approved first date. I am not good with that one.
Signs to Look For: There are no signs! If a girl laughs at jokes that aren?t funny. Or if you do a double underhood suplex and gives that special someone goose bumps, then she is the one for you. Well Done, male student. Play on Playa?.because you just scored the woman of your dreams.
Now the wrestling was very good this week. Each brand had wrestlers that did a terrific job in the ring. If you liked a particular type of wrestler, this show was perfect for you. If you like to see heel wrestlers win, this would be your show of the week (Swagger, Birchill, and Ziggler won)! However, I found another show that I am giving a point to. Please forgive me on this one Professor Tedesco.
Points: Zero Points this week.
TNA Impact (August 27)
We got a few good segments in this week. I really liked the World Elite segment that the fans ate up and shouted boos from every end of the Impact Zone. The sarcastic Matt Morgan was entertaining as well. Finally, Dixie Carter made her first appearance on Impact and read down the highlights of the seven years of the company and made Bobby Lashley vs. Rhino. They also talked about how big it would be for Lashley to hold a MMA Title and a TNA World Title on both shoulders. I found that interview a bit tacky. I would have preferred it to be Mike Tenay interviewing this one and not Borash. Oh yeah, and Nash wants to get paid (big surprise there).
The wrestling was up and down. The first three matches were too quick and was really botchy. Jesse Neal winning that match also was disappointing. But things really picked up the second hour of the show. Hamada vs. Daffney was my women’s match of the week by a mile! Seeing a woman do a Moonsault onto a table was amazing and I can say that Daffney is one of the best sellers on TNA, man or woman. Elija?.I mean The Pope was very good yet again, despite him and Joe losing to Current and Past Suicide. The main event was pretty good as well. Hernandez is on fire right now, and I think that TNA should really start to strike the iron while it is hot! Hernandez had Matt Morgan up in a vertical suplex for more than 10 seconds!! The ending was pretty good also, as it continues to upset Morgan and his latest losing streak.
Points: One Point from the students of Mr. V (The majority voted for this show yet again. I don?t blame them, but I did list this show as my #4 of the week).
Friday Night Smackdown (August 28)
The segments focused mainly on CM Punk and Jeff Hardy and the finale in the steel cage. That was actually I can see, other than Matt talking to Jeff. Also, Melina is accusing Dolph of cheating on Maria. Maria declined and got a kiss from Dolph.
As the case with Smackdown, it was very wrestling heavy. We had some good matches, but a couple bad ones, in that case the diva’s match. However, the rest of the card was very good. Drew McIntyre taking out R-Truth was a good way to start this character off. The team of Morrison and Matt Hardy had a good showing against the Hart Dynasty. Rey vs. Kane was alright, but not wowed by that. The JeriShow took out Cryme Tyme yet again. But that main event is one of those matches that you have to say is in your top five for the year, if not #1. It told a great story and I actually now have that as my #2 match of the year for 2009 on TV (that ROH 4-Way for the Title is still a very close #1). Finally, CM Punk really caused a stir by taking out Jeff Hardy as he said goodbye to his fans. That alone can make CM Punk a top three heel in the WWE right now (behind Jericho and Orton of course).
Points: One Point from Mr. V (From top to bottom, it was a bit better than Superstars and Impact this week).
Cliff Notes on the previous section (in case you wanted to skip ahead like a lazy college student)?
Best Show: ECW (2 Points)
Runner-Up: Friday Night Smackdown (1 Point)
Students? Choice: TNA Impact (1 Point)
OVERALL WEEKLY TV WARS STANDINGS (as of August 21, 2009)
1) Friday Night Smackdown (51 Points)
2) Monday Night Raw (33 Points)
3) TNA Impact (29 Points)
4) ECW (17 Points)
5) ROH on HDNet (7 Points)
6) WWE Superstars (1 Point)
COMMENTATOR REPORT CARD
(Presented By J.R.’s Family Bar-B-Q?Did you take advantage of that HUGE SLOBBERKNOCKER SALE that is going on??? BBQ Sauce, Chipotle Ketchup, Hot BBQ Sauce, Beef Jerky, T-Shirts, Autographed stuff, and MORE!!!! Plus right now if you order 12 bottle of BBQ Sauce or Ketchup you will get FREE SHIPPING!!! No Mr. V student can pass up on ordering something from J.R.’s Store. So please, check out his website at jrsbarbq.com. Your eyes will thank you for the honor to view that page of excellence).
Random Thoughts while I was grading this week:
1) Cole overused his ?Vintage? privledges. I would not be surprised if Vince revokes them for a month.
2) Lawler really needs to find a way to get good chemistry with Cole. Maybe he should tell Cole to interact with the commentator instead of looking at his screen at the table.
3) Striker was quick-witted and to the point with his commentary. He will tell you what part of the body is being targeted at all times. He is very aware of a situation.
4) Josh Mathews did an adequate job in his commentary. This is a huge jump from a couple months ago.
5) Mike Tenay quickly got comfortable with his new announce partner. He is calling matches better and his delivery has improved.
6) Taz struggled a lot this week. His flow was not good and forgot what to say on a couple things.
7) Kurt Angle, though not graded, should never be behind a table. He should listen to John Morrison’s commentary from a previous ECW telecast.
8) Hogewood is getting better. I knocked on him a bit over the summer, but this may have been his best week.
9) Prazak was not bad either. He is aware with what is going on, but there is something that he needs to do more to get a high grade.
10) Jim Ross and Todd Grisham were both near perfect. They are the best teacher/student combo I probably ever seen right now.
Michael Cole: D- (2009 Grade: D-) **Defending winner of the Dunce Cap**
Jerry Lawler: C- (2009 Grade: C)
Josh Mathews: B (2009 Grade: B) **Currently on Dean’s List**
Matt Striker: A (2009 Grade: A-) **Currently on Dean’s List**
Todd Grisham: A (2009 Grade: A-) **Currently on Dean’s List**
Jim Ross: A (2009 Grade: A) **Currently on Dean’s List**
Mike Tenay: B (2009 Grade: C+)
Taz: C- (2009 Grade: C)
Mike Hogewood: B- (2009 Grade: C)
Dave Prazak: B (2009 Grade: B) **Currently on Dean’s List**
**Don West is no long a commentator for TNA. If you want to see his final grade, check out column #29**
MISTER V?S HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT ANALYSIS
For the past few weeks, I asked my students to look over the Trade Deadline feature that we did for WrestleView.com. Well, I got only eight students who gave me the feedback (which I thank greatly by the way). And class, it was a landslide. Sorry Profs. Piedra and Kelly, but all the Mr. V’s classroom went with Professor (and former Dean) David Stephens for his tactics on rebuilding the WWE’s tag team division while keeping the majority of his Impact Players.
No need to post results, everyone was in favor of David Stephens. It was a whitewash!
NO HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT!!!
The reason?I am finalizing (and I am sorry it is taking forever) the Student Choice Awards. Now that I am teaching a few days a week, I am not able to get a whole lot of time to work on it. I am on question #16 right now and I should have the time tomorrow before I watch WWE Superstars. Unlike some pro wrestling columnist on other wrestling website (I know the guys at WrestleView keep their priorities straight), we have more things in our lives other than wrestling. I am not sounding wrong on this, but let’s face it, less of me is sometimes a good thing, right?
MISTER V?S GOLD STAR SEGMENT! (Sponsored by the Best Coffee in the Classroom?Dunkin? Dounts French Vanilla because America Runs On Dunkin!)
Gold Stars are plenty once again and some of you deserve the recognition, so here we go.
Austen Allen – Just for being a very cool guy right now. Keep on playing that Farkle!
Chris Kelly – for attempting to sing ?I?m A Little Teapot? last week.
Jeff Hardy – Thank You for your dedication in the ring.
Hernandez – The Super Mex deserves this not only for holding up Matt Morgan for 12 seconds, but also doing the same to Samoa Joe 2 weeks ago!!
Hamada – I did not know much about her wrestling until last week. If she is on TNA full time, it will be great.
Mark Henry – For being able to get the wrestling community eating out of your hands.
Vince McMahon – Happy Belated Birthday
John Buccigross – for reminding me of Eat N? Park when he celebrates something from Pittsburgh on ESPN. The guy in person is a real class act.
William Regal – for becoming a strong contender for the ECW Title
Lilian Garcia – According to some sources, your contract is up. Thank you for 10 years of announcing who is making their way to the ring. Also, her rendition of the Star Spangled Banner is second to none.
Dolph Ziggler – Keep on fighting for that Intercontinental Title! I know of Rey’s suspension and I don?t read the spoilers, so if Dolph gets the title on Friday, I won?t complain.
To all that e-mailed me this week – Thanks for your feedback. I always enjoy reading your thoughts and the time you put in the e-mail.
Austin Aries and Roderick Strong – just a great match last week. One really can?t ask for anything better from these two.
Chavo Guerrero – Last Monday, you had to wear the Cow Suit (w/mask). I feel bad for you and please accept this sympathetic gold star.
To all the voters in the Student Choice Awards – you will all be mentioned by name. Thanks again.
Well, that sums up another week From the Desk of Mr. V. I do hope that you enjoy the column and are pleased with the overall format. And as usual if you have any questions, comments, concerns, or want an educated discussion you can do so by e-mailing me at email@example.com. I will be on vacation this coming week but I will answer all e-mails send for the first time in a long time. I will reply to those who send me quality e-mails.
Time is up and the bell has rung for another week. Please push in your chairs, walk single-file out of the classroom, and await departure. Until the Results From the Student’s Choice Awards, you are??DISMISSED.
Facebook: Under Anthony J. Valvo from the Pittsburgh, PA Network
**Mr. V does not do MySpace nor Twitter**
If not for the students, there would be no Mr. V. Thank you all for reading this week.