Ousta! Welcome back to the only WrestleView column covering topics both nowhere yet everywhere at once. If you are new to the column you are probably going to hate us for the first couple weeks, but then you are going to hit a point where you say ?oh wait a minute, I think he gets it?. Don?t worry, that’s exactly how it is designed to be. This column is all about gut reactions and traveling thoughts. As the great Andy Kaufman once said: ?I just want real reactions. I want people to laugh from the gut, be sad from the gut, or get angry from the gut?.
A Bold New Venture
First of all, it’s nice to be back on your computer screen with this special edition of the column. We have been in a transition state lately and really tackling down the future of where we want to go with ?That’s a Wrap?. We here at the ?Institute for Wrapping Things Up? are proud to present an all new feature AND new member of the Institute’s staff.
I consider myself very fortunate to partner with an up and coming columnist, and it is an honor to welcome him on board. I hope to have him featured each week from here on out, but it’s really going to come down to how quickly he gets snatched away from me by another site or group. So until fate has us part, ladies and gentlemen, enjoy!
Jared’s Kayfabe Reality
First of all, deep thanks to David for allowing me to utilize this forum here on WrestleView. I have had a vision for awhile and he has come to appreciate it through our conversations. As long as he is willing to have me, and you are willing to read my thoughts, I hope to entertain you. Also, thanks to WrestleView for allowing me to sneak in through David’s column, it’s an honor. Enough of that petty thank you nonsense, let’s roll!
When you step into my ?Kayfabe Reality? everything is real. I don?t mean that ?things are getting real? in the sense that an acid trip would have you experience, I mean wrestling IS reality. As far as I?m concerned professional wrestling is real. When you step into my reality the matches are real, the characters, are real, the storylines are real, and most importantly my thoughts and emotions are real. Think I?m insane? Maybe, but it makes things a whole hell of lot more fun. So let’s get to Summerslam and who is going to be walking out with their arms raised in victory. Forget the conspiracy theories about things being scripted, I pick things as they truly are. None of that fake nonsense or backstage gossip. I throw that all in the trash faster than, er faster than something you throw in the trash really fast. I?d totally give you an awesome metaphor, but screw that.
The Great Khali vs. Kane
This is going to be decided by agility and experience. The Great Khali is a seemingly unstoppable force. Sometimes he reminds me of the abominable snowman from Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. I could totally see him going bouncing off a snow covered cliff. What does that have to do with this match? Absolutely nothing, I just thought I?d share. Kane has been in this business for a long time. No doubt he has learned a lot from his brother, The Undertaker, both inside and outside of the ring. The two have teamed together and fought against each other. Kane has learned and acquired a degree of experience few may ever match. Plus the guy is a sadistic son of a bitch. Let’s not forget how many people he has set on fire both in the professional wrestling world and his personal life. It’s scary stuff. The Great Khali simply won?t be able to overcome Kane’s agility, which coupled with his experience, will give The Big Red Machine the victory.
MVP vs. Jack Swagger
This is a tough match to predict, maybe the most difficult on the entire card. MVP has experience on his side as well as his pure athletic prowess. Jack Swagger has been in the WWE ring for less time, but his college career can?t be ignored. As an All-American in college he has a wide array of moves and holds that MVP may not be able to counter. Neither man is afraid of playing dirty when necessary which can always sway things in a match of this type. I expect Swagger’s collegiate amateur background to give him the upper hand, and the victory.
Degeneration X (HBK and HHH) vs. Legacy (Rhodes and DiBiase, Jr.)
The deciding factor in this match is going to be Shawn Michaels. During DX’s last run I would have thought it difficult to find any team throughout history that could beat this dynamic duo. That being said, I don?t think anybody really knows how Shawn’s hiatus is going to affect him here. I can?t imagine he put that much gym time in while serving food, so ring rust may be a huge factor. Both Legacy members grew up around the business and have Hall of Fame lineage. Orton’s guidance has no doubt given them a certain degree of cold vigor that they?ll look to showcase against DX. That being said, HHH is the one who guided Orton back in Evolution, so I think he?ll be able to sneak out the victory here provided Michaels can hold his own.
Unified Tag Team Championship: Big Show and Jericho (c’s) vs. Cryme Tyme (Shad and JTG)
This match is wildly unbalanced. Not much of an explanation needed here. Big Show and Jericho are too dominant for a team like Cryme Tyme to even have a chance against. Maybe if Shad and JTG start to take themselves and their training seriously they could put up a fight, but that’s for the future to decide. As far as Sunday goes, this match is a joke.
Intercontinental Championship: Rey Mysterio (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler
I really have to give credit to Ziggler here. He has come an impressive way since his days in The Spirit Squad. Dolph has started to make a name for himself and might even have a singles belt in his future, but not the IC Title this Sunday, no chance. Ever since returning from injury Rey Mysterio has been on fire. He is fighting more crisp and with focus, a deadly combination. Dolph might put up a youthful fight, but the high flying veteran will be the one doing the schooling on Sunday.
ECW Championship: Christian (c) vs. William Regal
For some reason a lot of people don?t seem to take William Regal seriously. A look at his background should honestly be enough for you to drop your jaw in awe. His street fighting and rough style could put anyone in their place. Christian has risen quite a way in the ranks of the WWE. He and Edge go down as one of the few tag teams in which both members were able to have successful title holding careers after their breakup. Christian took time off from the WWE in order to train and wrestle with TNA which exposed him to their explosive X Division style. When he came back to the WWE we saw a fresh and reinvigorated fighter. This match is going to be decided on two factors. The first is outside interference. Christian may be in trouble if Regal’s newly formed faction of Jackson & Kozlov interfere. The other factor is Christian’s showboating. He likes to take to the air which helps get the crowd behind him, but also allows his opponent to capitalize on high risk failures. Nonetheless, Christian seems more determined to hold on to the belt, so as long as he can keep himself focused and in check, he?ll retain.
World Heavyweight Championship (TLC Match): Jeff Hardy (c) vs. CM Punk
One of the king’s of TLC is in this match, and in many ways it seems to be Hardy’s playground. Jeff thrives on high risk both in and outside of the ring, as CM Punk has spoken about over and over again. Jeff Hardy seems to be tired. He’s exhausted and is going to be wrestling in protected mode on Sunday. His downfall is going to be caring more about entertaining the fans than holding on to the Title. CM Punk doesn?t really care about what you and I think, and justifiably so. The fans don?t decide if he wins the match, his wrestling ability will. Punk has a clean spirit and body which is going to prove more powerful than Hardy’s tired and abused body. CM Punk is going to be taking the Title back and devote his win to the power of leading a straight edge lifestyle.
WWE Championship: Randy Orton (c) vs. John Cena
John Cena strikes me as an amazing gentleman. His strength is unreal and he has sure been fired up as of late. John’s drive and determination is actually what will cost him the Title on Sunday. Cena wants to go in and win the belt, that’s his sole purpose. Randy Orton is smarter than that. Orton knows how to capitalize on situations a bit better than Cena, no doubt a result of his training both from his Hall of Fame father and tutelage under HHH and Ric Flair. Orton will win because he is the better wrestler. His moveset and understanding of the psychology of the sport will slay Cena on Sunday and keep the WWE Championship with Legacy.
That’s my ?Kayfabe Reality?, I hope you at least found your curioustiy piqued with my approach. I asked David to throw my e-mail at the bottom as I look forward to hearing from the WrestleView audience. Until we meet again, I?m Jared, just keeping it real.
I have received a couple e-mails regarding my absence with the column the past couple weeks, and I ensure you that it will return in full as soon as possible. As always I appreciate all the kind thoughts and e-mails. Once again, we here at the Institute are thrilled to have Jared on board, and hope you enjoyed his unique take on Summerslam as much as we did.
So ?that’s a wrap??. Love it? Hate it? Disagree with everything I said? Just want to chat wrestling? I?m always up for reading your thoughts so send them ?em on over.
Click to e-mail: David Stephens