Ousta! Welcome back to the only WrestleView column covering topics both nowhere yet everywhere at once. If you are new to the column you are probably going to hate us for the first couple weeks, but then you are going to hit a point where you say ?oh wait a minute, I think he gets it?. Don?t worry, that’s exactly how it is designed to be. This column is all about gut reactions and traveling thoughts. As the great Andy Kaufman once said: ?I just want real reactions. I want people to laugh from the gut, be sad from the gut, or get angry from the gut?.
You like how I did that with the title? I?m talking about Bret Hart, so I misspelled ?heartache? for a play on words. I?m clever like that, it’s kinda my thing.
So it seems Flair is still moaning and complaining about Bret Hart and putting him down. Gosh, it makes me so nostalgic for all those different and unique matches that Flair had over the years, oh wait that was Bret. Now that I think of it, once you?ve seen one of Flair’s matches you?ve seen them all. Hey, it is a great formula which works. Nothing wrong with that. But don?t put down Hart’s mat work and philosophy by throwing names around and saying you rolled around with guys longer than him. Hey guess what? You both did so many Broadways you could make ?The Phantom of the Opera?, ?Cats? AND ?Les Miserables? jealous. Whoop-dee-freakin?-doo.
Ok, Flair I get it. You pull out of Ring of Honor dates and Bret takes them over so maybe you are a little bitter. Look it’s not his fault your son decided to take to the wheel coke?ed up and the company wants nothing to do with him. Oh excuse me, heroin, let’s get the facts straight. Besides the Hart name isn?t exactly worshipped in Ring of Honor. (Apparently people don?t take kindly to wrestlers doing unplanned Shooting Star Presses and Moonsaults off the top of a cage after a match *cough* Teddy Hart)
Now, I did like the part where Flair noted how Hart ‘screwed his family?. Um true though that may be, I?m fairly certain (and when I say ?fairly? I mean 100% confident) that Flair’s family life isn?t one to hail with palms and glory. Flair called Bret a ?pissant?. I looked it up to double check and in fact it does mean ?one that is insignificant?. For a ?legend? like Flair, that is a highly ignorant postulation. I?m not necessarily sticking up or praising the Hitman here, but I think Flair needs to take a chill pill and stop being so ?pissy?. Isn?t it naptime at the retirement home yet?
Maybe I bring back Evolution. Nah, just as I?m thinking about that it won?t work. Randy’s a jerk, Batista’s hurt all the time and Flair is signing autographs at the VFW or something like that. – HHH on RAW 8/3/09
By the way?
Let me get something off my chest that is pestering me at the moment. I love John Cena. Why? Because he ENTERTAINS me. If you have a problem with that? good for you, everyone is entitled to their own preferences and I respect that, but please stop annoying me with anti-Cena banter. It is one thing to say ?I don?t enjoy Cena, I think he is overrated based on skill level? but quite another to say ?Cena sucks?. If you are going to have an ?opinion? then for the love of all things holy, please back it up with articulations more intelligent than the usual ?youtube comment? garble. I seriously can?t be the only person fed up with the whole thing. For years you have been whining. You?ve whined so much you could have gotten an entire army drunk, and what good has it done for you? Zilch, nada, nothing.
And I find is kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I?m dyin? are the best I?ve ever had – Mad World by: Tears for Fears
What’s in the News?
All news is gathered from WrestleView.com unless otherwise noted
“World Wrestling Entertainment has come to terms on the release of Raw Superstar Brian Kendrick as of today, July 30, 2009. WWE wishes Brian the best in all future endeavors.”
-Former WWE star Brian Kendrick, who was just released by WWE last Thursday, will be making his first post-WWE appearance for Pro Wrestling Guerrilla in Reseda, CA on August 28 reports PWInsider. Kendrick was visiting at PWG last weekend.
WWE star John Cena is scheduled to appear in an upcoming episode of USA Network’s “Psych” show reports PWInsider. Cena is believed to be shooting the episode sometime next week as part of a partnership among the USA Network brands.
-The actor who plays ?Shawn Spencer? is a big wrestling fan and this isn?t the first time there was a WWE crossover. He specifically requested Mickie James for an episode that they had last year on roller derby. Psych is a great show, you should check it out!
According to a report by The Wrestling Observer/Figure Four Online, WWE Diva Maryse had knee surgery on Tuesday in Birmingham, AL with Dr. Jeffrey Dugas at Dr. James Andrews’ Alabama Sports Medicine and Orthopaedic Center. She is expected to be out of action for around three months.
-she has been on a roll lately, best of recovery to the French Canadian beauty
The Sun in the UK reports that Kurt Angle could be in the 9th season of ABC’s “Dancing with the Stars”.
-I?m not sure what I?m more surprised about, Angle wanting to be on the show or the fact that Dancing with the Stars has been on for 9 seasons
Even though WWE changed the name of Cyber Sunday to Bragging Rights, it appears that fans will still get to vote on aspects of the show. The calendar at WWEKids.com has the following statement posted for October 25th: “Have your say online! It’s WWE Bragging Rights tonight!”
-Worst. PPV. Name. Ever.
The general feeling in the company is that all the problems talked about years ago about top guys getting older, developmental not turning out enough talent who are ready and the lower quality of athletes being recruited is now a gigantic issue they are facing. McMahon is said to be more than aware of the problems and knows they are one or two more bad breaks from things getting even tougher. Reports are also stating that McMahon is not happy with the product right now despite business holding up well.
-A lot of that is valid, however there are also great things going on in the WWE right now. Let’s not be so rough that we forget the saving values
Nick “Eugene” Dinsmore, who just recently signed a new deal with WWE, made his official return to the company at yesterday’s WWE Smackdown/ECW house show event in Manchester, New Hampshire in a match with Ricky Ortiz
-I?m anticipating his return to TV with bated breath. Wow, I know that sounded sarcastic but I seriously am a fan. Really. Why does no one believe me?
WWE Hall of Famer Sgt. Slaughter will be hosting next week’s WWE Monday Night Raw live in Calgary, Alberta, Canada.
-Let’s see Shaq then Jeremy Piven then Sgt. Slaughter. That’s a logical progression
“When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer” Plutarch’s (AD 46-126) Life of Alexander
WWE RAW ? 3.95
ECW on Sci-Fi ? 1.3
TNA Impact ? 1.3
WWE Smackdown ? 2.0
WWE Stock Update
Week Ending July 31st 2009
Open ? 13.24
Close ? 13.13
Low ? 12.91
High ? 13.68
Volume ? 611,082
I’ve been drinking slurpees out of Edge all week – Matt Striker referencing the 7-11 WWE cups
RAW July 27th
-Mark Henry def. Carlito (“Beat the Clock” Match)
-Divas Champion Mickie James, Kelly Kelly & Gail Kim def. Beth Phoenix, Rosa Mendes & Alicia Fox
-MVP vs. Chris Masters (double count-out) (“Beat the Clock” Match)
-United States Champion Kofi Kingston def. The Brian Kendrick
-Triple H vs. Cody Rhodes (time expired) (“Beat the Clock” Match)
-Hornswoggle def. Chavo Guerrero (Blindfold Match)
-Evan Bourne def. Jack Swagger (“Beat the Clock” Match)
-John Cena def. The Miz (“Beat the Clock” Match)
-Cryme Tyme def. Unified Tag Team Champions Chris Jericho & Big Show (disqualification)
ECW July 28th
-Tyler Reks def. Paul Burchill
-Vladimir Kozlov def. local competitor
-Sheamus def. Goldust
-ECW Champion Christian def. Zack Ryder in a non-title match
Superstars July 30th
-WWE Champion Randy Orton def. Primo
-William Regal def. Yoshi Tatsu
-John Morrison def. Tyson Kidd
TNA Impact July 30th
-?Super Mex? Hernandez def. ?Samoan Submission Machine? Samoa Joe w/Taz
-?Phenomenal? AJ Styles def. ?The Blueprint? Matt Morgan
-Awesome Kong, Tara, & ODB w/Cody Deaner & Raisha Saeed def. The Beautiful People (Angelina Love, Madison Rayne, & Velvet Sky)
-IWGP Tag Team Championships Tables Match British Invasion w/World Elite def. Team 3D (c) to become NEW IWGP Tag Team Champions
-TNA World Heavyweight & Legends Championship Tag Team Match TNA World Champ: Kurt Angle & TNA Legends Champ: Kevin Nash vs. ?Hardcore Legend? Mick Foley & Bobby Lashley Winners: Foley & Lashley (Foley wins the Legends Title)
Smackdown July 31st
-Cryme Tyme def. The Hart Dynasty
-Melina & Eve def. Women’s Champion Michelle McCool & Layla
-Intercontinental Champion Rey Mysterio & Finlay def. Dolph Ziggler & Mike Knox
-The Great Khali vs. Charlie Haas (No Contest)
-World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy def. John Morrison (World Heavyweight Championship Match)
Well that’s not Sarah Palin, I’ll tell you that Josh – Matt Striker on Zack Ryder interrupting the Abraham Washington Show
Must Read WrestleView Column of the Week
Anthony Valvo’s Columns of Insanity
In the past week and a half my friend Anthony Valvo has had an awesomely insane number of columns on the WrestleView site. Unlike lesser columnists on sites which shall remain nameless, Anthony put out great work in each and every selection. Some people have quality and others have quantity, yet week in and out Anthony fuses both together in an impressive fashion. I was able to participate in several of the features which are definitely worth reading, but cheap plugging self promotion aside, go check out any and all of the ?Mr. V? columns over the past week, you?ll be glad you did!
So ?that’s a wrap??. Love it? Hate it? Disagree with everything I said? Just want to chat wrestling? I?m always up for reading your thoughts so send them ?em on over.