Ciao! How the Hell are you all? I hope you?re all well, as I have had the Mother of all long weekends. Beginning on my 21st Birthday and my official ascension into adulthood on Thursday, drinking began around 2pm and didn?t cease until roughly 4am on Saturday morning. My head’s still somewhere in outer space as I write this.
So, with a throbbing liver and Jake Roberts style crack addict bags under my eyes, I?ve decided to indulge in a little bit of a guilty pleasure and don the gown of a creative team member. Yes, that’s right. It’s fantasy booking time muchacho’s.
I?m going to break down the brands separately over the next three weeks to make for an easier read. Also, so my weary mind can make sense of what I?m writing. So as to avoid any Jim Morrison or Hunter S. Thompson style tangeants coming to fruition halfway through my plans for Survivor Series. I?m also going to focus predominantly on the main event/World Title feuds for each brand as to attempt a breakdown of every lower and mid card performer’s potential plans from now until Wrestlemania would drive me insane.
So, without further adieu, sit back, strap in and prepare for the first in a trilogy of intoxicating fantasy booking of the highest order. Beginning with the Extreme Brand.
Ok, so more than a few people were unhappy about ECW losing so much star power in the 15 superstar draft a couple of weeks ago. I?ll admit, I thought it was a bit too much at the time, but now with the new talent initiative bringing four new superstars up to the roster alongside the new additions of William Regal, Shelton Benjamin and Goldust, the barbed wire brand looks more than healthy.
At Night Of The Champions we now know it’s going to be Tommy Dreamer defending his beloved ECW Title against Christian. At this moment in time, I don?t particularly see the benefit of Christian winning the Title back. Not because of any personal hatred or dislike for Captain Charisma, but rather because he doesn?t need the Title back so soon. He had his run, albeit it relatively short, and now they?re handing Dreamer his moment in the Sun, so the next Title change shouldn?t be a simple return, and it certainly shouldn?t be another face run. The guy who needs to be taking the title from ?The Innovator of Violence? hails from Moscow and could headbutt a horse unconscious.
Dreamer retains the Title narrowly in a hard fought match with Christian. This also allows Dreamer the added bonus of retaining the ECW Title in the original company’s home city of Philadelphia. Then, the following Tuesday on ECW on Sci Fi, Christian asks for one more shot at Tommy, believing that Tommy’s luck is set to finally run out. However, before Dreamer can accept Christian’s challenge, Koslov marches to the ring and promptly destroys both of them with a set of headbutts. Koslov then mutters a challenge of his own in an Ivan Drago style grunt. This draws out ECW GM Tiffany who tells Koslov he has to earn his Title shot after he came up short in his last number #1 contender’s match against Christian. Annoyed, Koslov attacks Tiffany and threatens to break her if she doesn?t sign the match. Dreamer and Christian attempt to save her but Koslov beats the two of them back down and Tiffany signs the match.
In response to Koslov’s attack, Tiffany makes Vlad’s Title match with Dreamer at Summerslam an Extreme Rules contest to try and give Tommy as much of an advantage as possible. However, the stipulation proves futile when Koslov decimates Dreamer and captures the Title.
Tiffany, still scarred from Koslov’s attack on her which led to him being awarded the Title match in the first place, doesn?t believe Koslov to be healthy for the ECW brand as he could potentially injure many of her top stars. She quickly responds to Koslov’s Title win by booking him in a triple threat submission match at Breaking Point against Dreamer and Christian. However, Koslov again walks away victorious after making Dreamer pass out to a submission hold.
Following Breaking Point, it is revealed that Dreamer was hospitalized and will be out indefinitely. Tiffany, scared that her vision of Koslov going on a wrecking spree is coming true, turns to Christian, as the only man on the Extreme brand to hold a victory over the Moscow Mauler, to win the Title back. Christian starts promisingly enough in his quest, stunning Koslov by pinning him in a tag match on TV. To further get into big Vlad’s head, Captain Charisma distracts the champ the following week in a match against a relative nobody/lower carder, leading to Vlad being on the wrong end of a giant killing. Unfortunately, all the former NWA Champ succeeded in doing was angering the former Wire star (check out season 2 and look carefully at the Greek’s entourage!) and he takes his revenge by beating Christian at Hell In A Cell.
Christian, however, refuses to be downbeat and assures Tiffany that he’s still the guy for the job and says he will prove so at Cyber Sunday. Shelton Benjamin, fresh from a mini feud with William Regal, disagrees and says after seeing off Regal, he should be awarded the task of chopping down the Russian redwood. Tiffany says she?ll put it to the public vote at Cyber Sunday along with the returning Tommy Dreamer as the third prospective challenger!
Come Cyber Sunday, I?d err to rallying behind Dreamer whilst focusing on Christian and Shelton embarking on a little feud of their own. Dreamer gives Koslov all he has but still falls victim to the Commie loving bastard (joke!… kind of).
Benjamin derides Dreamer following his defeat and tells Tiffany he?ll take care of Koslov at the Survivor Series. Tiffany tells Shelton he?ll have to earn his shot first and go through Christian, Dreamer and William Regal in a fatal four way bout to determine the Number #1 contender to the Title. The Gold Standard cheats his way to victory but all the cheating in the world doesn?t help him against Koslov as the Mauler makes short work of the most athletic underachiever in pro wrestling history at the Survivor Series.
Frustrated, Tiffany snaps and chastises Benjamin and the rest of the ECW roster for not being able to avenge the man who threatened her life. This brings back Goldust, who Koslov decimated and injured early in his reign. He assures Tiffany that he?ll get into the head of Koslov and relieve him off the Title. He says he’s seen his fellow ECW alumni fall one by one at the hands of Vlad and now knows what he must do to stop him. Tiffany, out of desperation, tells Goldust he can have a shot at the Title, but informs him that if he doesn?t end Koslov’s reign of terror, he’s fired from ECW!
Goldust seems to do the trick and confuses Vlad for the weeks leading into Armageddon. Vlad acts out and becomes more violent than usual, but never towards Goldust, who he is almost scared of now he has seen what weird shit he is capable of. During their match at Armageddon, Vlad becomes so spooked by Goldust’s not so subtle homo erotic approach to the Title match that he scarpers from the ring and loses by count out. The following ECW on Sci Fi, Goldust tells Tiffany that all she needs to do is book him in a rematch with Koslov and make a stipulation so he can lose the Title via count out or DQ. Tiffany agrees and finally looks set to end Vlad’s reign, when Vlad hires William Regal to take out Goldust backstage and put him out of commission with an old fashioned Blackpool beatdown.
Enraged, Tiffany fires Regal on the spot and says she has no option but to strip Koslov of the Title, saying she hadn?t done it before now because she believed the ECW roster was up to the challenge of dethroning Koslov. However, just as Tiffany is about to make the announcement official, Vince Mcmahon walks out and tells her that even though Koslov didn?t act like a champion in hiring William Regal to take out Goldust, he was very much Championship material and didn?t deserve to be punished because of his dominance. Vince then questions Tiffany’s credentials as GM, claiming she’s become too obsessed with Koslov and has alienated her roster in the process. Vince places Tiffany on leave indefinitely until she feels she can perform her job accordingly. In the meantime, Vince places Teddy Long in temporary charge (having had Teddy regain his trust and taken him off parole on SD). Teddy’s first act as temporary GM is to book Koslov in a match with Shelton, Christian and Dreamer at the Royal Rumble.
At the Rumble, Christian nails Koslov with the Killswitch square in the middle of the ring and has him beat, until Tiffany returns and pulls the ref out of the ring! This allows Koslov to recover and nail Christian with the Iron Curtain (is that the name of his finisher or have I just gone for some generic Communist sounding finisher name?) for the victory. Tiffany then explains that she is in fact in love with Koslov after witnessing first hand just how dominant he is. She says he embodies everything a Champion should be and then declares herself fit to work again. However, Mr.Mcmahon once again intervenes and informs Tiffany that we?ve seen GM/Superstar relationships in the past and it’s always ended in a conflict of interest, which is equally as bad as her previous fixation with ridding Koslov of the ECW Title. Tiffany, however, uses her powers of persuasion and her knowledge of Vince Mcmahon being a stickler for any pretty little blonde thing with big chest balls to keep her in the job. Vince then allows Tiff to stay on, but under one condition, and that is Koslov defends the ECW Title against the man who had him beat at the Royal Rumble, Christian! Tiffany doesn?t see a problem with this and is only to happy to have the match booked. Vinnie Mac being Vinnie Mac though, has another ace up his sleeve, and says that Tiffany’s position as ECW General Manager is also on the line in the match as well!
In the weeks leading up to NWO, Tiffany has Christian put through rigorous match after rigorous match whilst pretending Vlad has an illness which is causing him from competing, to mask the fact she’s favouring him (ok, it’s a terrible mask!). But come the PPV, a broken down Christian stuns Koslov with a roll up and ends his six month reign of Russian terror!
Beside herself, Tiffany assures her Russian gentleman lover that everything will be ok and that he has a rematch clause he can activate, whether she’s GM or not. Koslov activates the clause for Wrestlemania 26! Tiffany also manages to get him to have a stipulation signed where if Koslov regains the Title, she will be reinstated as General Manager.
Come ?Mania and the Title match is evenly balanced. As the match nears the end, Christian looks set to execute the Killswitch and successfully defend his Title, when Tiffany hops onto the apron to provide a distraction for her Commie dreamboat. The distraction seems to work as Christian loses focus and Koslov pushes him towards the ropes where Tiffany is stood, with stiletto in hand, ready to nail Captain Charisma square between the eyes. However, the C Man slams on the breaks as he reaches the ropes with Koslov charging him like a mentally retarded Eastern European Bull, but instead crashes into the accidental stiletto swipe of his girlfriend! Tiffany is almost in tears after realizing what she’s done as the ref gets her off the apron and Christian takes advantage of a dazed Koslov to nail the Killswitch successfully and defend his Title!
Post match, Tiffany apologises profusely to Koslov and tries to reassure him that he?ll be champ again. Koslov doesn?t see it that way, and seeing no use for a woman with no power, he dispatches Tiffany with an Iron Curtain and dumps her.
Following ?Mania, I?d have Christian hold the belt until around Judgement Day or Extreme Rules where he?d drop it to Shelton before being drafted to either Raw or SmackDown, whilst Shelton becomes the face of the Extreme brand.
And that, my beautiful readers, is that for this week. Be sure to stop by the Casa next week for the Joe Baiamonte endorsed fantasy booking of the SmackDown brand all the way through to Wrestlemania 26!
I hope you enjoyed my plans for the coming Extreme year, and certainly hope I have gained the approval of ECW nut and fellow WV columnist David Stephens with this extravagant nine month plan.
Whatever you have to say on the column, whether good or bad or ugly, email it to me at email@example.com or follow me and vent on Twitter at @JoeBaia.
Until next week readers, arriverderci.