Are you excited to spend Valentine’s Day with John Cena? Then stop questioning your heart and join me because it is time for Monday Night Raw!!!
John Cena’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring. He puts over the crowd and then hypes tonight’s announcement of the Wrestlemania Guest Host.
Cena teases Lady Gaga, Sammi from The Jersey Shore, and his personal choice – Michael Cole. Cena says that McMahon said the guest host has had a special moment. Cole has this every time he gets a late night email from the mystery GM. Plus, he has a special feeling every time he sees Alex Riley and The Miz. Cena decides to question Cole’s manhood as well.
Cena says that while tonight we find out who will host Wrestlemania, on Sunday we will find out who is going to Wrestlemania! Cena says that after the year he has had, he needs this. He needs to go Wrestlemania this year. Cena recounts the struggle of his year which included serving as a slave for the Nexus. CM Punk is brought up in regards to their match tonight, which of course calls for Punk’s music to hit the stereo.
Punk makes his way down to the ring, and says that the record reflects that he is 2-0 versus Cena. Punk says that even here in the WWE, bad things happen to good people.
John Cena v. CM Punk
The New Nexus has been banned from ringside, as have all Chamber participants. Cena charges at Punk in the corner, but crashes shoulder first into the steel post. Cena rolls to the outside of the ring, and Punk steps onto the apron. Punk runs and leaps to the outside with a charging clothesline!
Back from the break, Punk tries for a cover. Cena kicks out. Punk goes for the body scissors submission. The move lasts for about 20 seconds before Cena is able to power his way into an STF counter. Punk quickly gets to the bottom rope. Punk stands on the back of Cena, using the ropes to add leverage. Cena gets to his knees, which Punk enjoys as he hits a series of punches. Punk is surprised as Cena gets to his feet, and then connects with a shoulder block and running side slam. Cena sets up for the 5 Knuckle Shuffle, and You Can’t See Me!
Punk dodges the Attitude Adjustment, and connects with a boot to the skull of the former Nexus slave. Punk goes back to the body scissors. Punk is looking for the Anaconda Vice, but again Cena uses his strength to break free. Gutwrench Powerbomb from Cena leads to a cover. Punk kicks out.
Cena heads to the apron, and then scales to the top turnbuckle. Punk uses his last ounce of energy to charge at the corner, and kick Cena off. Cena tries to follow up with an STF, but Punk counters and hits a swinging neck breaker. Cover, but Cena kicks out. Punk ties for the GTS, but Cena counters into a roll up. Punk kicks out.
Punk gets back to his feet, and kicks Cena with a devastating blow to the head. Cover, but Cena kicks out. This time it is Punk that heads to the top turnbuckle. Punk leaps, but Cena rolls through with the crossbody, and lifts Punk up for the AA! Punk grabs on to the top rope, and flees to the outside of the ring. An arm reaches out from under the ring wearing a Nexus arm band, and holding on to a steel chair. Punk slides the chair into the ring. The arm then hands Punk a wrench. The referee turns to remove the chair from the ring. In the meantime, Punk knocks Cena out with the wrench. Punk rolls into the ring and sets up Cena for the GTS. This match is over!
Winner via Wrench Trickery: CM Punk
Michael Cole is at the commentary booth with Josh Mathews. They explain that Jerry Lawler will not be present tonight due to the passing of his mother. My thoughts and prayers go out to Mr. Lawler.
Justin Roberts introduces Alberto Del Rio’s personal ring announcer, Ricardo Rodriguez. His name is Alberto Del Rio, but we already know that. Del Rio goes on the destiny kick once again as he explains that it is his destiny to win the World Heavyweight Championship.
Edge’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring. Edge complains about Del Rio hitting him over the head with a guitar last week. Edge makes up for the attack by punching and then mounting Del Rio. Once he has been thoroughly beaten, Edge backs up to set up the spear. Rodriguez runs on to the apron to try and save his master. Edge knocks him off, which allows Del Rio to slide out of the ring.
Vickie Guerrero’s music hits, and she excuses her way out onto the entrance ramp. She introduces the “new” World Heavyweight Champion, Dolph Ziggler. Video replay airs of the incident from Smackdown. Vickie’s claim is that because Edge used the spear, he is being stripped of the Title. This Friday on Smackdown will be the coronation of Dolph Ziggler. Vickie says that Edge didn’t just lose his title, but he is about to lose his job. Apparently, Edge is the person who attacked Teddy Long! Edge looks concerned as we head to commercial.
Up Next: Eve Torres v. Natalya in a Lumberjill Match
Eve Torres v. Natalya
They roll around a bit to kick off the match. Natalya locks on a great surfboard stretch. Eve counters into a roll up, but Natalya kicks out. Eve leaps over a charging Natalya, and connects with an elbow. Eve follows up with a flipping leg drop. Eve throws Natalya to the outside. Lumberjills commence their attack. The good gals end up separating from the bad gals. Eve leaps to the outside of the ring with a crossbody on the devilish girls. Back inside the ring, Natalya goes for an Oklahoma Roll, but Eve counters into a pin of her own. This match is over.
Winner: Eve Torres
In the back, the Lumberjills are bRawling. Referees fearlessly jump into the fray to separate the scantily clad women.
Chaperone trailer airs
Mark Henry begins to make his way out to the ring. Before he makes it halfway to the ring, Sheamus attacks him. With Henry laid out, Sheamus grabs a mic. He tells the competitors in the Elimination Chamber match to pay attention not just to wait he did to Henry, but what he’ll do to Randy Orton later tonight. As Henry tries to get up, Sheamus kicks him in the face.
Up Next: The Miz v. Daniel Bryan
The Miz w/ Alex Riley v. Daniel Bryan
Alex Riley joins commentary for the match.
They lock up, and Miz hits a running shoulder block. Mathews dRaws a comparison to Arcade fire beating Eminem last night at the Grammys as a rational for Bryan possibly being able to beat Miz tonight. Bryan hits a nice dropkick, and then gets whipped into the ropes. He kicks Miz in the jaw, but gets caught with an arm lariat. Miz slides behind Bryan and begins to work a chin lock. Miz transfers the hold into a side headlock. Bryan counters into a rear naked choke! Miz gets to the ropes to break the hold.
Miz is hit with a couple of kicks to the back, and then follows with a few of his own. Miz goes for a cover, but Bryan kicks out. Bryan flips out of the corner, and follows with a clothesline. Miz is standing in the corner, and Bryan connects with a high dropkick. Miz gets to his feet, and charges at Bryan. Bryan pulls down on the top rope, and sends Miz crashing to the outside. Bryan is looking for a baseball slide, but Miz moves out of the way. Bryan responds by heading to the apron, and leaping for a knee press.
Back in the ring, Bryan heads to the top turnbuckle. He leaps for a beautiful delayed missile drop kick. Cover attempt, but Miz kicks out at 2.5. Bryan goes for the LeBelle lock, but Miz gets to the bottom rope. Miz responds by knocking Bryan hard to the outside as we head to commercial.
Back from the break, Miz and Bryan are both up on the second turnbuckle. Bryan connects with a huge sunset flip! Cover attempt, but Miz kicks out. Miz is on his knees, as Bryan swings away with his legs. Two roll up attempts by Miz, but Bryan kicks out of both. Bryan responds with a kick to the skull that looks to decapitate Miz. Cover, but Miz kicks out. Bryan goes for the LeBelle lock, but Miz counters free, and hits the Skull Crushing Finale! This match is over!
Winner via Skull Crushing Finale: The Miz
After the match, Miz grabs a mic. He puts over his victory and says that Lawler did not see his triumph tonight. Miz says that Lawler’s mother may have passed away, but he hopes that Lawler doesn’t use that as an excuse when he loses at the Elimination Chamber PPV!
R-Truth &. John Morrison v. David Otunga & Michael McGillicutty w/ Mason Ryan
It’s a quick match that sees Truth & Morrison victorious after a very strong offensive showing from the Master of Parkour. Morrison and Truth are able to put aside their animosity toward each other for the night as they flip and spin their way past their New Nexus opponents.
Winners via Spinning: John Morrison & R-Truth
Ariel Winter, co-star of HHH in The Chaperone, and star of “Modern Family” is in the ring. She puts over being in the movie with HHH. She says that not only is tonight Valentine’s Day, but it is also the return of the Khali Kiss Kam. Khali makes his way into the ring, and Ariel doesn’t even come up past his belly button. Khali welcomes us all to a special Valentine’s Day edition of the Kiss Kam. Except tonight, it won’t be Khali doing the kissing, but fans in the audience and people backstage. Wrestlers included: Santino & Tamina, Dolph Ziggler & Vickie Guerrero, Maryse fakes out Ted Dibiase and then kisses Yoshi Tatsu and William Regal gives Zack Ryder a peck on the cheek. Finally, Hornswoggle comes into the ring with a heart shaped box of chocolates. Ariel gives him a kiss on the cheek!
King Sheamus v. Randy Orton
They lock up to commence the match. Sheamus is pushed down to the mat, and the referee breaks them up in the corner. Sheamus is whipped into the ropes, and Orton connects with a Lou Thesz Press. Orton takes stock of the situation and tries for a knee drop. Sheamus rolls out of the way, and then mounts Orton. Orton breaks free, and hits a neckbreaker. Orton goes for a knee, and this time he connects.
Sheamus trips up Orton in the corner, and lifts himself up off the mat by using the ropes. Sheamus charges and hits a clothesline. Sheamus locks on an arm bar. Orton struggles to reach his feet, but then head butts his way out of the hold. Sheamus bounces out of the corner, and is met with a clothesline, followed by a scoop slam. Orton goes for a crossbody, but the Irish Curse Backbreaker does it’s damage. Sheamus sets up Orton on the top turnbuckle. Sheamus is looking for the Superplex, and connects!! Sheamus is looking to follow up, but Orton hits an RKO out of nowhere! This match is over.
Winner via RKO: Randy Orton
After the match, CM Punk and the rest of the New Nexus hit the ring. John Morrison runs down to make the save, and the rest of the Elimination Chamber competitors join as well. Orton and Cena clear out the ring.
Justin Roberts is in the ring. He announces that the host of Wrestlemania is –
The lights go out in the arena. One by one, each lighting fixture clicks off. The stage goes all white, and then vanishes to black. Smoke fills the tron, and then vanishes.
IF YOU SMELL!!!!!!
The Rock makes his way down to the ring, and takes time to pose in each corner. He grabs the microphone, and the crowd is going insane. He looks to talk, but pauses to soak up the atmosphere.
“After seven long years, finally, finally, FINALLY the Rock has come back to Anaheim California, which means that finally, the Rock has come back to Monday Night Raw. Which means finally The Rock has come back home.”
Before The Rock gets into that, before we electrify, before we tear it up tonight – The Rock wants to talk. He discusses the seven year absence from the WWE. He says that he dreamed big. The Rock promises that now that he is back, he is never going to leave again! The Rock teases that he is not the guest host, but in fact it is none other – than Justin Bieber! The Rock goes on to say that Vince McMahon tried to convince Rock that Bieber would be a great host, but there is no way he is letting that happen. Bieber will be at Wrestlemania, but The Rock will be the Host! The Rock also says that he will have no problem laying the Smackdown on anyone’s ass. He goes through a list of opponents, but says there is one man that he wants.
And I quote…
Michael Cole announces that he has an email, but The Rock interrupts him. He says that no one in the audience gives a damn what his General manager has to say. Cole is not going to interrupt him while he is live on Raw! The Rock begins to taunt Michael Cole and Cole is pleading with him. The Rock asks if Cole actually thinks people care – it doesn’t matter what you think!
The Rock says tells Cole to sit down and not say a word, and I quote, “you know your damn role, and shut your damn mouth”.
If not, he is going to have some great pictures to post on Facebook. Rock says he will shove those pictures up Cole’s candy ass. There is one man that The Rock needs to see face to face. He wished him well. But, out of the blue, this competitor started to talk trash on him for no reason. That man, is John Cena!
The Rock wants to understand how the WWE has gone from the powerful Austin 3:16 to “You Can’t See Me”. The Rock tells Cena, that he will see him at Wrestlemania! Just like he will see everyone at Wrestlemania. The Rock mocks Cena, and the crowd starts a loud “Cena Sucks” chant. Just as sure as John Cena looks like he got shot out of Barney the Dinosaur’s anus. The Rock launches into a series of catchphrases, and the crowd is going insane.
If you smelllllll – what the Rock is cooking!
It was truly electric in the building tonight. FINALLY – The Rock has come back to the WWE! No commentary necessary.
Fun opening match between John Cena and CM Punk. You have to appreciate the trickery of CM Punk and the New Nexus. Those sly bastards.
Seriously, I don’t get the deal with all these Smackdown stars on Raw.
Women wrestled. Eve flipped.
I really enjoyed Sheamus’ Brogue Kick on Mark Henry.
Incredible match between Miz and Daniel Bryan. I don’t believe it is possible to be a fan of this industry, and not enjoy their match.
The unfortunate passing of Jerry Lawler’s mother was handling well tonight by The Miz with his intense post match promo.
Morrison v. R-Truth
Sheamus/Orton was quick, but it’s purpose was to set up the Elimination Chamber. The post match Brawl added to that build.
I’ve got two words for you – Justin Bieber!
Yes, Bieber Fever is hitting Wrestlemania, it’s finally official. The move makes sense on so many different levels, though I don’t know why I’m even going to bother explaining because most fans are too close minded to understand the benefits. This is Business 101. First and foremost, the singer has a rabid fan base. They’ll do anything to see their man perform. There are many fathers who should be able to use this to compromise with their wives and daughters to order Wrestlemania thanks to his inclusion. It’s the best of both worlds for the family. Plus, it’s going to be hilarious to see the fans boo him. I think the WWE should play up that fact, but he’ll probably just sing America the Beautiful. Cause he’s Canadian and that makes sense. Add in the mainstream attention this will garner, and you’ve got your rational.
I got bored of giving Raw a grade, so I’m not doing it anymore.
Finally, The Rock has come home.
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