Are you ready to see if R-Truth sheds a tear and apologizes to the RAW GM? Then stop questioning your heart and join me because it is time for Monday Night RAW!!!
It’s 9 o’clock and we are live on RAW with the two final contestants of Tough Enough in the ring with Stone Cold Steve Austin and Vince McMahon. Vince is about to pick the winner, and Stone Cold stops him. Austin asks if Vince really thinks he is going to make the decision. Vince says he is the Chairman of the Board. Austin says he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about any of that bullshit (which was bleeped) and that it is his show, and his own decision. Steve is about to announce, but McMahon says that if he were doing this, there would be a drum roll. Austin actually agrees, and we get a drum roll. The winner of Tough Enough is… Big Andy!!
Austin asks if Vince would like to offer any words of welcome to Andy. Vince says welcome to the WWE, and then slaps him in the face! Austin shakes his hand and says congratulations to the winner, and then hits a Stone Cold Stunner! “Welcome to the WWE you son of a bitch, and that’s the bottom line cause Stone Cold said so”. A beer party is about to break out.
R-Truth’s entrance hits, and he is wearing a Civil War outfit. “When Johnny Comes Marching Home” begins to play, and Truth sings it as a ballad to little Jimmy. He gets in the ring and Vince shows a clip of last week, and why the GM is upset. Truth says that he is sorry to Big Jimmy, Little Jimmy, and even to the soda he wasted. He’s sorry, he’s sorry, he’s sorry. Austin says he should be sorry for the outfit he is dressed in. Truth says that he is dressed that way because he is in Richmond, Virginia. This is where the Confederate States of America was founded by redneck idiots. Austin says that happened a long time ago, what is Truth’s point. Truth says that while nothing good ever came out of the South, they did have one good idea. Secession. Tonight, R-Truth is seceding from the WWE Universe. He’ll keep the Title Match, but he won’t do any T-shirts, videogames, or anything else. He has been the victim of a companywide conspiracy. Vince says let me tell you something ‘R’, and asks if that is his real first name. Truth confirms that it is. Vince says that his office hours are from 9am to Midnight. Vince says that Austin knows them very well. Vince hints that maybe Truth could get his answers from someone other them himself. Austin perhaps?
The Miz’s music hits and he comes out to the ring. He blames Alex Riley for his failings and looks to take advantage of the fact that the Chairman of the Board is currently in the ring. He says that everyone knows he deserves one last Championship match.
Alex Riley’s music hits and he comes down to the ring claiming that the only thing Miz deserves is another beat down. John Cena’s music hits, and he also joins the ring. He gives a quick recap of the situation. Cena says that he made Miz say the words I quit repeatedly, so he will not give him another shot at the Title. He tells him to get over himself. Cena tells Riley that he doesn’t like him, and doesn’t trust him, BUT over the past couple of weeks he has actually stepped up and gone after The Miz, which Cena can appreciate. Cena then moves on to Truth. He says that clearly somebody dressed like Truth and acting like him is completely sane. Dropping the sarcastic banter, he tells Truth to take off the ridiculous garb, because they will be having their match at Capitol Punishment.
Vince tells Michael Cole to shut up before he can even reach the podium. He declares tonight’s main event a match with Alex Riley & John Cena v. R-Truth & The Miz. The Special Guest Referee will be Stone Cold Steve Austin!
Santino w/ Kozlov v. Michael McGillicutty w/ David Otunga
They exchange holds and Santino sends Michael into the turnbuckle. He teases the Cobra, and Michael scurries away. Back on his feet, Michael hits a dropkick and goes for the cover. Santino kicks out. Michael backs him into the corner and hits a hard right hand sending him to the mat, then kicking him in the gut. Michael goes for the cover, but Santino kicks out. Santino tries a quick roll up, but Michael kicks out. Santino is grounded on the mat by a side headlock. Santino escapes with a vertebrae breaker, but is whipped into the corner. He dodges a splash, and then begins a series of jabs. Santino hits a hip toss, and follows with a headbutt. Santino raises the roof and looks for the Cobra. Otunga pulls Michael out of the ring, but Kozlov runs over and bulldozes him! Back in the ring, Michael tries for a running uppercut, but Santino dodges and sets up the Cobra! This match is over.
Winner via Cobra: Santino
Santino and Kozlov celebrate after the match with triumphant trumpets.
Kelly Kelly’s music hits and she makes her way down to the ring with Beth Phoenix.
Kelly Kelly & Beth Phoenix v. The Bella Twins
Kelly and one of the Bellas start off the match. Kelly is dominated which results in the other Bella getting the tag. There is another quick tag, and then a cover attempt. Kelly kicks out. Kelly finally escapes a side headlock, and tags in Beth Phoenix. Beth comes in with power and hits a springboard assisted suplex. Kelly stops a Bella from interfering and Phoenix his the Glam Slam on the other one! This match is over.
Winners via Glam Slam: Kelly Kelly & Beth Phoenix
In the back, Booker T is trying to sell Trish on the Trish-a-Rooni. He shows her the different steps to feel the vibe and electricity. Jack Swagger comes in to interrupt. Swagger says that if he were a trainer on Tough Enough, they all would have been winners. He challenges Booker T to a match. Booker wants Trish to tell him that he didn’t just say that. Booker T accepts, and tells Swagger to get out.
CM Punk’s music hits, and walks out onto the ramp with Mason Ryan. Punk takes a seat on the ramp. He says that last week he beat Rey for the 600th time. Rey has never beaten him, so last week he cried and begged for another match. Punk gave him another shot, for no other reason than to prove that the power of his New Nexus is unwavering.
Rey Mysterio v. CM Punk w/ Mason Ryan
They exchange blows, and then Punk gets Rey in a side headlock. Rey transfers it into an armbar, but Punk counters back down to the mat for an arm bar variant. Cover attempt by Punk, but Rey kicks out. Punk is sent out of the ring, and Rey baseball slides into a hurricarana transfer! Mason Ryan is in the corner of Rey’s eye as he slides Punk back into the ring. Rey flies in with a leg drop and goes for a cover. Punk kicks out. Rey locks on an armbar. Both men get to their feet and Rey heads to the top turnbuckle. Punk kicks the ropes which knocks Rey into the tree of woe position. Punk hits a dropkick, and then goes for a cover. Punk kicks out.
Punk locks on a body scissors hold and then attempts to move it into a choke hold. Rey uses his elbows to escape. Punk throws him spine first into the steel post! Punk goes for a cover, but Rey kicks out. Both men make it to the top turnbuckle, and Rey throws Punk down. Rey uses his body as a missile and takes out Punk. Rey kicks the leg of Punk but gets whipped into the ropes. He springboards for a huge crossbody and goes for a cover. Punk kicks out. Rey hits a tilt-a-whirl headscissors, but Punk follows with a snap scoop slam. Punk pulls down his knee pad and charges at Rey. Punk is blocked, and Rey sets up for the 619. Ryan jumps up on the apron to block the move. Rey isn’t phased and knocks Punk to the mat and jumps to the top turnbuckle. Rey leaps and connects with a flying headbutt! This match is over!
Winner via Flying Headbutt: Rey Mysterio
Video Package: Presidential Press Conference with questions by R-Truth
In the back, Riley is trying to convince Cena to trust him in their match tonight.
Alberto Del Rio is in the ring and he recaps the running over of Big Show with his car. He calls out Big Show so that he can apologize. Show’s music hits, but it is actually Ricardo Rodriguez in a wig. He is on crutches, and is eating. Every time that Rio asks a question, he raises his arm with a baseball glove on it. Rio says that Big Show got what he deserved, because bad things happen to bad people. Ricardo takes off the wig, and says Alberto Del Rio’s name a bunch of times.
Video Package: Kofi Kingston highlights
Zack Ryder is in the ring, and bumps fists with Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero. Dolph and Vickie head out to commentary.
Zack Ryder v. Kofi Kingston
Zack Ryder hits a shoulder block. Kofi follows up with an elbow and then a dropkick. Ryder slaps him in the face, and Kofi punches back. Ryder is sent to the corner and Kofi attempts a splash. Ryder dodges and hits a neckbreaker. Kofi kicks out of the cover. Kofi’s head is slammed into the turnbuckle, and then he drops down to the mat. Ryder kicks him, and then grasps on a side headlock. Kofi is sent to the corner, but dodges a Ryder splash. Kofi connects with double handed chops, followed by a huge leaping clothesline. Kofi sets up for, and hits, the Boom Drop. Kofi is looking for Trouble in Paradise, but Ryder puts his body in between the ropes. Kofi backs off, but the second Ryder comes back in the ring, Kofi’s finisher connects. This match is over!
Winner via Trouble in Paradise: Kofi Kingston
In the back, The Miz is talking to R-Truth.
Up Next: Booker T v. Jack Swagger
Booker T v. Jack Swagger
A quick back and forth match that culminates when Booker T goes for a Scissors Kick, but Swagger dodges the move, and slides out of the ring. Swagger says that he doesn’t need this match, and looks to leave. Booker is upset, and Swags decides to take the count out.
Winner via Count Out: Booker T
After the match, Evan Bourne runs down and attacks him from behind. Evan runs into the ring and Swagger runs after him. Booker hits the Scissors Kick. Evan heads to the top and connects with a beautiful Shooting Star Press. Booker T and Evan Bourne both celebrate with a Spinaroonie.
Special Guest Referee: Stone Cold Steve Austin
John Cena & Alex Riley v. The Miz & R-Truth
Cena and Miz start the match. Miz with a takeover, but Cena reversed into an arm bar. Riley asks for the tag, and Cena grants it. Miz falls over himself to get Truth into the match. Great arm drag by Truth into a cover. Riley kicks out. Truth gets a takedown, but Riley stands him up. Truth is caught with an arm drag followed by an elbow to the face. Cover attempt but Truth kicks out. Cena gets the tag. Truth tags in Miz. Cena whips him into the turnbuckle and then tags in Riley to try and let him get his hands on Miz. Miz tags in Truth and then runs out of the ring. Riley follows after and runs back into the ring after Miz. Truth is there to meet him with a clothesline. We go to our last commercial break of the evening.
Back from the break, Riley is in the ring with Miz. Miz goes for a cover but Riley kicks out. Miz has him seated in the corner, and is stomping on him relentlessly. Miz tags in Truth. Riley tries to get to Cena, but Truth cuts him off. Truth charges at Riley and connects with a boot. A scoop slam connects and Truth goes to the second rope. He goes for an axe handle, but Riley blocks with his boot.
Miz gets the tag, and so does Cena! The Champ comes storming into the ring and his a shoulder block followed by a side slam. The 5 Knuckle Shuffle connects and Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment. Truth stops the move, but Cena throws him right out of the ring. Cena jumps on Miz and locks on the STF! Miz squirms his way to the ropes. Truth comes into the ring with a chair, but Cena kicks him in the gut with a dropkick. Cena and Miz both run at each other, connecting with clotheslines. Riley comes into the ring with the Money in the Bank briefcase. He clobbers The Miz with it. Austin stuns The Miz! Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, and this match is over!
Winners via Referee Stunner: John Cena & Alex Riley
After the match, Austin calls for some beers. Riley has exited the ring to be respectful, but Austin still throws him a couple of brews. Cena and Austin begin to celebrate.
and I quote…
The referee has blatantly overstepped his boundaries by getting involved, so Alex Riley and John Cena have been disqualified.
Winners via DQ: The Miz & R-Truth
*Another Alert hits
On next week’s RAW, Steve Austin will be the Special Guest General Manger.
Austin walks over to the laptop and throws it, and the podium to the floor. Austin grabs Cole and punches him in the face. He rolls him into the ring, and then calls for some beers. He opens them over top of Cole and then lifts him up for a Stunner. Cena follows it up with an Attitude Adjustment. Austin tells Cole that he’ll see Cole next week on RAW! More beers fly as RAW goes off the air.
Nice segment to open RAW with the Tough Enough run over. That is critical exposure for both the winner and the runner up of the show. Will either of them make it big? Only time will tell and I won’t pretend to be able to predict their future. I certainly never thought Miz would make it this far, so we’ll see what happens.
It’s always a treat to see Austin in the ring with Vince McMahon. It was a nice Attitude Era throwback without spending too long excavating the abandoned caverns of nostalgia.
R-Truth’s Presidential Press Conference was the first one that I have enjoyed. I’m not getting in a boat! All that conference needed was Andy Samberg and some T-Pain.
I was very disappointed by the segment with Alberto Del Rio. It wasn’t entertaining in the slightest. Kane did not make a run in, so I’m baffled as to what storyline purpose it served. It just felt like a waste of time with no payoff.
CM Punk and Rey Mysterio had another top notch match, but where do they go from here? I’m starting to bore of the constant one on one matches. Yes, they are great matches, but I need something more to keep me emotionally invested in the feud. Again, I’m not trying to take anything away from their matches, but something is missing.
It was nice to see a one off match with Booker T. It pretty much played out how you would have expected it to. The Evan Bourne run in was a nice cherry on top the Spinaroonie pie, if you will.
Zack Ryder was on RAW, and yet we didn’t get to hear his theme song. That kills a lot of his appeal for me. It was a decent match that served its purpose.
If I didn’t make it clear the past couple of weeks, I’m starting to become a big fan of R-Truth. I’ve always liked him, so it’s nice to see the rest of the IWC finally coming around. That’s beauty of guys fulfilling their potential. If creative can figure out the right way to use them, they can be masters of this art.
Santino v. Michael McGillicutty was fun for what it was, I just hope that this doesn’t lead to Kozlov and Santino winning the titles. It seems like the WWE is just going to use them as enhancement talent for the Nexus, which I can live with. For CM Punk’s goal to be fulfilled, the Tag Title reign needs to have the legs of a couple of months. In the very least, Michael and Otunga should hold the belts until Big Show and Kane return to win them back.
Alex Riley’s theme is pretty hot. Good choice.
The main event was fun, lots of beers to be had. I see that all semblance of a PG show was abandoned, but in the overrun I guess it doesn’t matter. Don’t send me emails about how RAW should stop being PG and blah blah blah, I’m just pointing it out. I thought it was rather respectful of Alex Riley to exit the ring after the match, and even more respectful of Austin to still throw him a couple of beers. Michael Cole got demolished for some reason, but that’s always enjoyable.
The RAW GM really gets no respect from anybody, it’s a wonder that he/she hasn’t flipped out and starting firing more people. Remember, it’s not Michael Cole (at least the Code of Ethics would prohibit that) so you’d think he would get at least some respect. Sure, McMahon can override the GM, but no one else should be allowed to cut the GM off. Maybe I’m complaining just to complain about that one, but from a continuity perspective it irks me.
I know it seems like I’ve complained a lot in my thoughts tonight, but on the whole RAW was very enjoyable this evening. The highlight? No doubt it was seeing R-Truth in a confederate outfit singing about Little Jimmy, but Cena hitting the Attitude Adjustment on Cole with a beer in his fists was a close second.
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