Are you ready? Then stop questioning your heart and join me because it’s time for Monday Night RAW!
# AJ is in the back and says that even if Bryan doesn’t want to show it, he still has feelings for her. They just need to drift apart as people. She tells Kane that when she sees him she loses all her inhibitions, but he isn’t a man – he’s a monster. To Punk, she says that she likes to think of them as soul mates, but she doesn’t like what she thinks he’s thinking. So, she says that all three of them need to go their separate ways… except she is talking into a mirror.
The RAW intro and pyro hit.
Excuse Me!!!! Vickie Guerrero is out on the entrance ramp to announce that she is tonight’s interim RAW GM and will also handle Smackdown this week. She has faith that she will be made permanent GM for the WWE. She announces that tonight’s first match is a 3 Way Elimination Match!
3 Way Elimination Match
Daniel Bryan v. Kane v. CM Punk
Kane starts off by clearing his opponents with a couple of slams. Bryan gets back to his feet and starts to kick Kane along with Punk. They stomp him out of the ring. Bryan goes for a rollup, but Punk kicks out. Punk goes for a figure four lock as AJ is shown in the back. Punk stomps down on Bryan on then tries for a baseball slide on Kane. Bryan does connect with his, but Kane catches him as he tries to leap out of the ring with a knee drop and throws him into the barricade.
Back from the break, Bryan runs up the turnbuckle and tires to suplex Kane, but Punk pulls him off and holds him on his shoulders. Kane leaps for the Doomsday Device, but Bryan rolls up Punk for a pin. Punk kicks out. Bryan and Punk are back on their feet and exchange blows. Punk hits a spin kick followed by a heel kick to the jaw. Punk sends Kane out of the ring, and then launches Bryan on top of him. Punk sets up and hits a suicide dive. Bryan gets back in the ring and goes for a yes lock. Punk catapults Bryan into Kane who has made it to the apron. Punk goes for a cover, but Bryan’s leg is on the bottom rope. Bryan is hoisted into the air for the GTS, but Kane kicks Punk in the jaw. Punk is hit with a sidewalk slam.
AJ’s music hits and she comes down to skip around the ring. The distraction proves long enough for Punk to hit the GTS and eliminate Kane!
Kane has been eliminated
Bryan quickly kicks Punk in the head and picks up the pinfall!
Winner: Daniel Bryan
# Alberto Del Rio is in Vickie’s office with Ricardo and gives her roses. Dolph walks in and tells Alberto to wait his turn. He asks Vickie to make him a match for the World Title. She says that she wants to be fair and announces a contract on a pole match between the two. Dolph takes the roses and throws them into the wall.
Brodus Clay v. The Big Show
Big Show backs him into the corner with a series of punches. Show whips him across the ring, but gets leveled with a headbutt. Brodus is fired up, but gets kicked in the knees. Show continues to work on the knee which was injured last week by David Otunga. The dancers look on worried as Show steps on the leg of Brodus. Show heads out of the ring and slams his knee against the steel post. He gets back in the ring and heads to the second rope for a splash. He connects and then lifts Clay to his feet and looks for the Knockout Punch. Clay regains his composure and lifts Show into the air instead. Show’s weight proves too much for the hurt knee, and he falls on top of him. Cover and this match is over.
Winner via being fat: The Big Show
Video Package: John Cena grants his 300th Make-A-Wish
We are shown a clip of Show delivering a Knockout Punch to Clay as he was being helped to the back.
Brock Lesnar will answer HHH’s Summerslam Challenge next week on RAW.
# AJ is in the back talking to Kane. He says that he isn’t exactly one with his feelings, but she’s made him feel things that he didn’t think possible. It’s not a good thing because he’s not boyfriend material. He doesn’t do relationships. Besides the other issue is that he is a monster and wears a mask. His only rsource of pleasure is hurting people. Plus, AJ seems a bit unstable. He thinks it is better if they just stay away from each other.
Santino v. Jack Swagger
Swagger hits a takedown and pushes Santino into the corner. Santino reverses and throws Swagger into the corner. Cover, but Santino kicks out. Swagger drops a leg and then wrenches back on the arms of Santino. Swagger is sent to the floor with an arm drag. Santino kicks up and splits under a clothesline. Santino hits a punch and goes for the cobra. Swagger lifts him up into the air, but Swagger hits a DDT to send him down to the mat. He hits the Cobra, and this match is over!
John Cena’s music hits and he makes his way down to the ring. Cena says that he is out here to make a historic announcement. He says that he is making it because he is tired of the WWE going down the wrong path. He draws comparisons between the WWE & Star Wars. He includes a fantastic Yoda impression.
Jericho’s music hits and cuts off Cena. He isn’t wearing his lit up outfit, instead he has a bedazzled leather jacket. He asks what Cena is talking about. He tells him to make the announcement and shut the hell up. Cena tells the fans to give it up for the return of Jericho. Cena says that since he has been gone, Show has been on a tear. There is almost no man who can stop him if he wins the Championship. Cena has decided that he is going to enter the Money in the Bank Match this year! Jericho says that Cena has gall to assume that he can just walk into a Money in the Bank Ladder Match and win. Jericho says that it isn’t that simple. Jericho says that this isn’t just something to joke about, it is a career ender. Jericho tells Cena to stop worrying about stopping the Big Show, and start worrying about stopping him. Jericho says that he is entering the match as well.
Excuse Me! Vickie comes out and says that in three weeks Money in the Bank will happen, but people can’t just announce that they are in the match. Jericho asks what is she going to do, suspend him? She says that she spoke to the Board of Directors and to be involved in the match, you have to be a former WWE Champion. So the competitors are: Kane, The Big Show, Chris Jericho & John Cena. Cena says that she is good when she takes orders from the Board of Directors. She scoffs and announces that tonight in the main event it will be John Cena v. Chris Jericho!
Lillian Garcia is in the ring to announce the next Legend leading up to the 1000th RAW. Heath Slater’s music hits and he comes down to the ring to interrupt and introduce himself as the One Man Band. Sycho Sid’s music hits! He comes down to the ring to confront Slater in a match.
Sycho Sid v. Heath Slater
Sid slams him hard to the ground. Slater tries to fight back with a couple of punches. Sid calls for the end as he knocks him down, and calls for the Power Bomb!
Winner: Sycho Sid
Contract on a Pole Match
Alberto Del Rio v. Dolph Ziggler
Dolph goes for the contract right away, but Del Rio pulls him down. They brawl back and forth and Ziggler tries again. Del Rio again pulls him down. Rio goes up for the contract, but Ziggler climbs up on his back to try and get it. Del Rio connects with a Samoan Drop from the top rope! They both get to their feet and try for the contract once again. Dolph pulls it down but drops it. Rio and Ziggler brawl in the ring over the contract. Apparently you must have control to win. Ricardo grabs it and Ziggler kicks him. The contract flies to the outside. They continue to brawl with no clear winner.
Sheamus comes out on the entrance ramp and says that Vickie has decided it will be a Triple Threat Match on Smackdown. Sheamus says that the match will be about him beating both of their asses on Friday.
Winner: Both Men, Kind of
# Punk is in the back on the phone, AJ walks up and says that she is dedicating her match to him tonight. Punk says that they sat down and had a serious discussion; AJ shrugs it off and finishes getting ready for her match.
It looks like we are about to have a Divas Battle Royal… and they are all in Bikinis!
Vickie Guerrero interrupts and comes out to perform a strip tease and reveal her one piece. Sexy sexy.
AJ wins Divas Battle Royal
After the match, AJ does some Yes chants!
John Cena v. Chris Jericho
They lock up and the crowd starts a loud *Let’s Go Cena, Cena Sucks* chant. Jericho exits the ring to catch his breath.
Jericho goes for a cover as we come back from the break. Cena takes Jericho and hits a vertical suplex. Jericho gets to his feet first, but Cena whips him into the ropes. Jericho connects with a strong kick to the face. Jericho gets behind Cena and applies a rear headlock. Cena gets to his feet and kicks him in the gut. Jericho goes for the Lionsault but Cena moves out of the way and he lands on his feet. Cena dodges a clothesline and hits the side slam.
The Big Show’s music hits and he comes down slowly to the ring. Jericho takes advantage and locks on the Walls of Jericho! Show gets in the ring and hits a leg drop on the restrained Cena.
Winner via DQ: John Cena
Jericho wisely exits the ring and let’s Show exact his revenge. He gets behind Cena and applies a brutal chin lock.
I’ll never cease to be amazed with the reaction that Vickie gets week in and week out. She is a monster when it comes to crowd reaction. Sure, I have to turn my volume down whenever she comes on the screen, but she’s brilliant.
Punk looked creepy with his tongue sticking out. The Elimination Match was pretty good. The Doomsday Device counter into a rollup was a great touch. Bryan’s win should keep the momentum for this particular feud moving as we head towards Money in the Bank.
I’m really annoyed that a cousin of T-Rex was actually covered in feathers.
Big Show and Brodus had a quick but effective match. Clay showed that he can really go in a non-comical match. Show demonstrated that he can work a leg in a match and continues to be a monster. It works.
Anger Management looks like a really funny show.
I wonder if Kane ever gets tired of the red light always following him around. Or maybe he’s taken up photography as a hobby. See what I did there?
Swagger just jobbed out to the cobra. My night is complete.
Chris Jericho is AMAZING as a face. I don’t know if that’s the direction they are going to go with him completely, but the second he came out in his bedazzled leather jacket, I fell in love. I hope he goes back to his old ways before leaving after Summerslam for his Fozzy tour. It’s great to have him back. Their main event match was cut short by the Big Show, though I can appreciate Jericho leaving the ring for his former Tag Partner to inflict damage on his opponent.
Pretty solid RAW tonight, though the closer the 3 hour RAW’s grow, the more I hate life in general. I just odn’t see the point.
The Teacher’s Lounge (Sunday)
“The Teacher’s Lounge” is a weekly podcast archived every Saturday on the Wrestleview Radio Network featuring hosts David Stephens and “Mr. V” Anthony Valvo. The show reviews all of the news from the week, tosses out Gold Stars and Detentions, PPV previews and special guests. Past Interviews include: Colt Cabana, Hernandez, Sara Del Rey, CZW Owner DJ Hyde, Shane Douglas & more!