Are you ready? Then stop questioning your heart and join me, because it’s time for the ECW on SyFy!
The show kicks off in style as Abraham Washington takes to the microphone amidst a chorus of boos. The stage is set up again on the ramp and he welcomes us to the show. A giant applause sign is flashing on the Titan Tron and Abraham throws out a thank you every time the crowd boos. Abe puts down Long Island and then begins to put over Sarah Palin for some reason.
?Oh Radio? hits and Zack Ryder takes a seat on the couch. Abe is not too thrilled but Zack is in his hometown and won?t be denied. After a couple jabs back and forth they seem to find a common ground in putting down Shelton Benjamin. They ride on his looks, charisma and theme song, all of which is too much for the gold haired man. Shelton tells them to go smurf themselves. They get into a bit of a smurf battle, and then challenge each other to a fight.
Washington interrupts and says that we are going to have Abraham Idol to determine the most entertaining superstar. Zack gets to pick the song and goes with a Hootie and the Blowfish classic. The crowd boos both of them, and I have no idea what’s going on. Zack attacks Shelton from behind and gives a ?Woo Woo Woo?. Shelton gets up and tackles him down to end the Abraham Washington show. We head to a much needed commercial.
Ezekiel Jackson v. Danny Danger
Ezekiel starts the match off by lifting the jobber up and dropping him on his knee. Danny Danger is punted in the side and then slammed down hard to the mat.
Winner via Slam: Ezekiel Jackson
After the match Kozlov’s music hits and once again makes his way down to the ring following a Zeke match. The two stare each other down before Kozlov delivers the Iron Curtain to Danny Danger. This time though, Zeke picks the jobber back up and slams him down to the mat again! Zeke heads to the back.
In the back we see Tiffany telling the Bella Twins how great of an addition they are to the brand and walks off. A random working is walking by as a box starts to fall and the Hurricane runs over to help and then runs away. Tiffany comes back to figure out what is going on. Burchill is passing by and turns to the camera to say ?this is ridiculous?.
Sheamus v. Goldust
Goldust takes off the wig and we gets started. Goldust tries to go on the offensive from the start with a couple of punches and then throws Sheamus into the corner. Dust goes for a splash but is dodged and sent to the mat hard on his shoulder The referee checks to makes sure his shoulder is ok, and Goldust gets back to his feet. Sheamus locks on an armbar to work on the weakened limb. Sheamus goes for a quick cover, but Dust kicks out. Sheamus locks in another armbar to work on Goldust. Goldie makes it to his feet and tries to throw Sheamus off, but gets caught with a brutal shoulder followed by a pin attempt. Goldust kicks out.
Sheamus lifts Goldust up into the air and goes to throw him into the corner, but Dust falls down and goes for a roll-up. Sheamus kicks out and then goes back to work on the arm. Sheamus sets Goldust up in the corner to apply a shoulder gutcheck to the bizarre superstar. Dust finds his air though and hits a bulldog followed by a clothesline to Sheamus. Dust punches him in the face and goes for a running scooop flam which he hopes to score a pinfall with, but Sheamus kicks out. Dust goes to the second rope, but Sheamus runs over and sweeps out his leg. Sheamus covers and gets the victory.
Winner via Leg Sweep: Sheamus
After the match Sheamus grabs the mic saying he came to ECW for gold but all he got was dust. Goldust runs over and attacks him from behind apparently not too keen about the verbal attack. Sheamus heads to the back as Dust taunts him.
In the back we see Tommy Dreamer getting ready for his Championship match against Christian tonight. Another camera shot show Christian walking by in the back with? a car door?!?
Christian v. Tommy Dreamer
Extreme Rules ECW Championship Match
The match starts off with the two circling each other, and Dreamer is quick to find his trusty kendo stick which he applies to Christian both inside and outside of the ring. Dreamer rolls Christian back into the ring and then finds a trashcan on the outside. Christian sees it and hits a baseball slide to counter. Christian leaps out of the ring with a springboard crossbody to connect on Dreamer. Christian picks up a crutch and smacks Dreamer over the back.
Christian runs full speed at Dreamer, but Tommy ducks and Christian smacks into a hot dog cart that Dreamer wheeled down to the ring. (seriously). Dreamer follows this up by hitting him with the condiment holder and then stuffing a hotdog roll down his throat.
We come back and Tommy Dreamer and Christian take turns beating each other up with miscellaneous weapons. We see everything from lids, trashcans, kendo sticks and more. One spot sees Christian trapped in a trashcan on the outside. Christian makes his way to his feet and the top turnbuckle with trashcan in hand. Dreamer attempts to get to his feet, but Christian hits him with the trashcan. Christian falls down off the turnbuckle and tries for a cover, but Dreamer kicks out. Christian looks for a whirlwind DDT, but Dreamer counters and sends Christian stomach first onto a trashcan.
Dreamer looks to set Christian up in the tree of woe and then puts a trashcan in front of his face. Dreamer grabs a crutch and does his ?ECW Chant? slamming the crutch on his trashcan covered face. Tommy looks to go for the cover, but Christian finds strength out of nowhere to beat Dreamer down to the mat. Christian slides out of the ring and grabs a car door. Christian runs at Dreamer but Tommy connects with a trashcan to block the door. Dreamer then goes for a piledriver, but Christian counters with the Killswitch on the car door!
Winner via Killswitch: Christian
Sigh, this is hard for me to do tonight guys. I always try to find the positives in ECW, but quite frankly the show was stale and boring. When the most redeeming feature of the entire night is Paul Burchill turning to the camera and saying ?this is ridiculous?, you know you are in trouble. This is even more frustrating because I was really annoyed reading people’s thoughts on RAW last night as I for one really enjoyed Jeremy and the bulk of the show. And yet here I am tonight hanging desperately to the edge of calling ECW awful.
The opening segment SHOULD have had me giddier than a school boy. Abraham Washington? I?ve been an outspoken supporter of his since day one. Zack Ryder? I produced and recorded a cover of his theme for crying out loud (e-mail me and I?ll send you it). The first minute was great. The crowd was hot and Abe was doing his thing, and then it got staler than the bread 70 year old fishermen use as bait. I think for the record we can safely say that combining Sarah Palin, Smurfs, and singing is NOT the way to entertain fans. Hey maybe I?m bitter that Adam Lambert lost American Idol, but come on that ?Abraham Idol? thing made no sense and was awful to boot. Moving on.
Ezekiel Jackson took on another jobber and in a big surprise (note the sarcasm) Kozlov came out and slammed the jobber down as well. I will give credit to the fact that Zeke picking the jobber up again actually worked for me as it furthered the build and kept it from being a carbon copy of every week. That being said, when are they actually going to do something with these two? Let’s not fool ourselves into thinking that they are going to have their fight on PPV, so when is the right time to pull the trigger? I don?t know, but I hope creative figures it out before they get stale. My problem with this segment is that for one of the first times I can remember, I actually felt bad for the jobber. He took some stiff slams and I hope he isn?t too sore tomorrow. The reason this is a problem is because I SHOULDN?T care about some jobber, and yet they were so brutal to him I was glimmering with empathy.
Sheamus and Goldust had a match apparently. I say it that way because as I?m scrolling through my notes on the show I?m realizing they had a match, yet once again completely forgot about it till I was reminded. Goldust has looked great since coming to ECW and Sheamus has the pasty white Celtic thing working out for him, but a leg sweep to score the pinfall? Seriously?
Ah and finally the main event. Well this is tough. On one hand they had a cute little match. On the other they had a freakin? cute match, which is not what I want to see from a hardcore legend and a pioneer of the TLC match. Was the match good? Sure, why not, but it did nothing for me. I?m a fan of deathmatch and hardcore wrestling, that being said I do not expect or want the WWE to ever do that kind of thing. However, the PG version and gimmicks these two put on was a disgrace to their legacy and past. The match was so cheesy that seeing a hot dog roll shoved down Christian’s mouth wasn?t even surprising. My solution? Put these two in a kendo stick, table, ladder, stretcher, falls count anywhere, or other stipulation specific match would have made the main even more believable and enjoyable. I just can?t fathom hot dog carts and car doors as the best they had to offer, and I wouldn?t be surprised if the wrestlers themselves weren?t over thrilled with the assignment.
3 Month Rolling Rankings; ECW Title Win 5, ECW Title Loss 4, ECW Win 3, ECW Loss 2, ECW Appearance 1, PPV Title Win 10, PPV Title Loss 8, PPV Win 6, PPV Loss 4, PPV Appearance 2.
May 5th ?August 4th 2009
1. Christian ? 70 pts. [l.w. 1]
2. Tommy Dreamer ? 52 pts. [l.w. 2]
3. Kozlov ? 23 pts. [l.w. 3]
4. Zach Ryder – 19 pts. [l.w. 4]
5. Paul Burchill ? 14 pts. [l.w. 5]
6. Shelton Benjamin – 13 pts. [l.w. 6]
7. Sheamus – 13 pts. [l.w. 8]
8. Ezekiel Jackson – 11 pts. [l.w. NA]
8. Yoshi Tatsu – 11 pts. [l.w. 7]
10. Shane Helms – 10 pts. [l.w. 8]
Look for ?That’s a Wrap? on WrestleView Thursday!
So that’s ECW. Love it? Hate it? Disagree with everything I said? Just want to chat wrestling? I?m always up for reading your thoughts so send them over to me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
– David Stephens